An Unexpected Friday Night
by CinderSpire793
Summary: One Friday night, Severus is prowling the halls, but just can't bring himself to get into the spirit of disrupting and punishing snogging teens caught out after curfew. He wanders into an empty classroom, but is soon surprised by two such students. He is about to tell them off when he realizes that one of the students is Harry Potter... 8th year character exploration.
1. Chapter 1

Hi This is my first story for , so forgive me if I make a mistake somewhere along the way.

As always, Love to JKR who created these characters and their world- I do not own them, merely live with them in my head.

This is a multi-chapter PWP with possible plot to follow. P **airings are HP/GW, HP/SS, HP/GW/SS**...excited yet? I can't wait.

Slash-y goodness, voyeurism, brief mentions of B/D, D/S (possibly more to come...? I live to service your needs)

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Severus sighed silently to himself. It was long after curfew on a Friday night right before Holiday break, so naturally, there was much mischief to be found, if only he cared to look. This night in particular, however, he didn't. The huge castle was filled with horny, snogging teenagers, but all he felt was a dull achy lack. Maybe it had been too long since he had fucked Lucius, but then again Lucius had never been his type. Always the good Death Eater, he did as was expected and dominated those beneath him. He took only mild pleasure from it, and very little relief. Regardless, he knew that if he wasn't feeling up to deducting house points on a night of such overwhelming opportunity he must be long overdue to abuse his plaything.

Resigned to his indifference for prowling on this night, he wandered into an empty classroom and began to construct an obscene drama to act out upon Lucius' highborn ass. Lucius may not be particularly delectable, but bound in leather and lashed, spanked and spit upon, the man was almost tolerable.

Looking back, he realized this had been his mistake. Concentrating on inventing new ways to humiliate and subjugate Lucius- the old routines were becoming so tired- that he had missed the sounds of footsteps coming down the hallway, toward the classroom.

The door to the classroom suddenly banged open and two students fell in, immediately falling into passionate kissing and clumsy groping. The boy slammed the door closed with one swift motion of a foot and ripped the girls shirt off at the same time, buttons flying everywhere.

Severus gathered his terrifyingly dark persona and was about to hurl insults with a patented sneer when dim light from the window next to him caught the boy's handsome features as he removed his shirt: a dark, untidy mop, broad, quidditch-toned shoulders, and black rimmed spectacles. He wasn't sure what gave him pause, except that the intensity and confidence Potter took as he backed the girl against the first desk he came across and roughly bent her- he recognized the glint of red hair as Ginny Weasley- backwards over it.

Severus had recovered from his surprise and was once again about to put an abrupt halt to what was no doubt a rapidly growing hardness in Potter's pants when a surge of guilty pleasure flooded Severus as Potter grabbed a handful of the red hair cascading over the side of the desk and yanked, eliciting a sharp, yet pleasure filled cry from the young perfection before him. He was barely able to stifle a moan of his own at the sight of the-boy-who-lived aggressively dominating the pale flesh exposed beneath him.

Potter expertly yanked her bra down so that her modest breasts escaped their lacy cage. Severus ignored an annoying twitch in his pants until Potter bit down on Ginny's pert nipple. She cried openly at what she obviously felt was delicious pain, which was the only thing that covered the sound of Severus' own grunt as desire ripped through him. Reason returned to him briefly and he flicked his wand and cast a silencing charm on himself, though later that night he would be forced to realize it wasn't reason that had come to him in that moment but rather that lust had just snatched reason from him altogether.

He was only able to resist the desire to press his palm against his already full erection for another moment, for just then Potter rapidly pushed the youngest Weasley's skirt up onto her smooth belly and released himself from his trousers in rapid succession. Severus' eyes rolled back a little as a wave of guilty pleasure rocked him, seeing Potter stare down at the girl's cunt with such a wicked expression.

Potter languidly worked what Severus thought a rather impressive length, delighting in the view before him. He yanked down her matching panties, which slid to the floor with a little a little wriggling on her part.

"Fuck me, Harry!" the girl demanded, throwing her legs wider, wrapping her smooth, muscled calves around Potter's waist and pulling him in.

"I'm confused. What do you want me to do?" Potter asked with a husky voice and another wicked smile. "This?" he asked, sliding a finger down her pussy and sliding easily in. "Or this?" Severus watched as Potter pulled out his finger and moved farther down and suddenly thrust it in. It was only when the girl gave a sharp cry followed by a lusty intake of breath that sent her entire milky chest moving in a smooth arch that Severus registered his own solid shaft was already in his hand.

Potter slid his finger in and out of her tight ass a few times before withdrawing it and presenting it to Wesley's eager mouth. She sucked his finger for a moment of pure hedonistic pleasure before groaning her answer. "Fuck my cunt! Oh, fuck me! Fuck my fucking cunt! I want your cock in me now!" she half cried out, half groaned in response, eyes closed and head tossing side to side in unadulterated need. Her hair wiped back and forth in a beautiful cascade of fiery red.

"Oh, and I was so looking forward to fucking that tight ass of yours again tonight," Potter responded in mock disappointment. "No matter, this will have to do," he sighed. Severus had his eyes closed tight against the waves of lust that kept rolling through him just hearing Potter speak like that when he heard a deep, guttural, primal groan. His eyelids flew open to watch as the student slammed his length into what promised to be a hot, very wet hole.

Severus was stroking his own cock furiously as he watched with fascination as his most despised student took control of his lover a way he'd only experienced in his own personal dungeon.

Weasley reached up to grab Potter's shoulders, furiously digging for purchase with her fingernails as she cried out again, obviously rocked with pleasure. Potter simply grabbed her wrists and slammed her arms back down to the desk by main force, and kept them pinned there, on a level with her luscious breast. He nipped at teased at her neck, lips, ear, nipples, as he continued to fuck her hard and fast. She was helpless under his ministrations except for vocalizing her delicious torment and throwing her head side to side in ecstasy.

The girl's cries reached a fevered pitch after a few minutes, her legs squeezing around potter's waist tightly and pulling him farther into herself. As he watched her whole body contort underneath Potter, Severus came undone with a grunt of surprise. He lurched back in his chair, which made a scraping noise as it slid against the stone floor of the classroom. He immediately righted himself on the chair a bit, just as Potter whipped his head to the side to the source of the noise. He must have leaned forward a bit as he righted himself in his chair, for Potter's face held a glint of recognition as he came as well, pouring his cum into the still-writing form of his willing partner, his level gaze never leaving Severus.

Flushed with embarrassment at being caught the voyeur, he quickly cleaned himself with a flick of his wand and was about to close his robes around himself when Potter, still never taking his eyes off the professor, knelt down and began licking and sucking at Weasley's abused mound. She, for her part, was so far gone in ecstasy that she couldn't stop crying out, let alone open her eyes. She began to furiously push and claw at Potter's face as he lavaged her clit and cunt, "No, no! Too much!" she managed to choke, but Potter just reclaimed his grip on her wrists and continued his work eating his own sticky sweetness out of her still pulsing hole, still eying the dark corner where Severus ineffectually hid from the students. The girl's cries began to mount again, and this time she nearly screamed as she clamped her thighs around Potter's head. She went still a moment later and Potter disentangled himself from her limp limbs, bringing his tongue from her spent center out to line where lean thigh meets core, up and over her belly with a languid lick in her belly button which caused another shudder from her and Severus both, continuing up and over one nipple, up her neck, along her jaw and slipping into her still panting mouth. Only then did he take his eyes off Severus, who took the moment to zip himself back into his pants and right his robes.

After what seemed like an eternity of nervous waiting for Severus, Potter broke the kiss. He caressed the side of her face and ran his fingers through her soft, silky hair. "How was that, love?" he asked as he once again locked eyes with Severus. If Weasley noticed his not-so-covert look to the corner where Severus was hidden, she didn't show it; a very sleepy" Mmmmmm…" was all she had to stay.

After the two teenagers clothed themselves again (muttering a quick spell to mend Ginny's shirt) and a few more deep kisses, the two started for the door. "So, same time on Sunday after break?" Potter asked clearly. Weasly nodded, her glossy ginger hair in a tangled mess. Harry gave one final glance over his shoulder to Severus as the pair was leaving the classroom with what Severus could only have interpreted as a mischievous grin and the a tiny wink.


	2. Chapter 2

*****for those of you who encountered the programming gibberish version, I'm so sorry! I've re-posted this, and I think it's working properly...*****

 **Hello my Brave Readers!**

Ok, stick with me please...this chapter is *quite* a departure for our favorite pairing(s), but I think once you read a bit, you'll see why I took a left turn. To compensate for my wickedness, I'm posting the 3rd chapter tonight as well, which has lots of Sn/arr/ny hotness!

 _ **Warnings**_

(I always LOVE a chapter that starts with warnings, don't you?)

As I stated, this story is a real left turn and contains a not-tooooo-intense exploration of bondage, domination and *some* pain. It's possible I might not be the best judge of how intense this chapter is... Well, REVIEW and let me know!

If this isn't your scene, just skip to the next chapter- you won't miss *too* much in the way of character development or plot.

If you're queasy but a bit more adventurous, go ahead and **read through until Severus *sends the note.***

 **Enjoy...**

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Severus spent the few remaining hours of the night restlessly padding back and forth between his bed and the easy chair before the fire. It was no matter, wherever he was, the evening's events played through his mind, over and over. Why did I let it happen? He couldn't deny that he'd immediately enjoyed the idea of secretly watching the hero of the wizarding world's clumsy sexual adventures, and if he was being totally honest with himself, he enjoyed the idea for the attractive scenery, as well. He had been wholly unprepared, however, for the unparalleled expertise Potter had showed. His utterly hedonistic and unmerciful machinations were erotic in the truest sense of the word. How he had let himself come undone so easily with just a look he could not understand. Maybe his vulpine and eager partner had something to do with it; in his quite extensive sexual experience he hadn't seen anything quite so flagrantly enjoyed.

He shook his head as if to dislodge the sounds of sex from his head, closed his eyes against the overwhelming sensations that flowed through his body as images flashed through his mind. He poured some firewhisky for himself and sat in his armchair, brooding. Insolent brat, he snorted to himself. He sipped, thinking of adequate torture to deliver upon the boy's perfect body. He stopped himself, trying to feel some shred of guilt for feeling so aroused at the thought of Harry Fucking Potter. Or shame at the idea of fucking Harry Potter.

But he couldn't. He finished his firewhisky and gave a tremendous sigh and opened his robes to free his burgeoning erection.

The next morning found him hung over, still partially dressed and splayed over his armchair. He had a terrible crick in his neck and his left arm was numb arm, hung over the chair at an odd angle for far too long. As he stood up, his trousers fell to his ankles, and the reason for him to wake up in the chair came rushing back. That decided it; he was most definitely not going to breakfast in the Great Hall. this morning would be the last meal most before most students left the castle for the week, and he would not subject himself to such a meal, regardless of the events of last night's encounter, and definitely not with such a hangover. Severus kicked out of his trousers, allowed his robes to fall to the floor and stalked into his bedroom while removing the rest of his clothing. He tore at the neatly made bed and laid down with an audible sigh. He decided to sleep. By force, if necessary. He wasn't going to think about Ginny Weasley or her delicious moans, pert breasts and laudable stamina. He refused to think about Harry Fucking Potter or The Boy Who Lived With an Eight Inch Cock. He wouldn't think about those eight inches fucking the hot, wet pussy with the flaming red mop. Nope. Not even once.

Severus sighed heavily and rolled over, grabbing the small jar of lube of his own making and embracing his private shame.

"We missed you at breakfast this morning, Severus; I hope you're feeling well," Minerva inquired a bit too loudly, and a bit too smugly that afternoon as they sat for lunch. She could always tell when he was hung over, and he'd never been able to figure out how she knew; he was always careful to check over his appearance before leaving his quarters hung over just for this reason. Same old sallow, grumpy face as far as he could tell. No matter; it's not as if she'd never hit the poison a bit hard before. He was a certainly of age and there were no students around to be "corrupted' by his private activities. Which, of course, brought to mind certain other late night corrupting private activities...

"Yes, thank you" is all he managed before setting to his lunch and copious amounts of tea. Six days till Potter is back…six days he could try to get the damn boy out of his skull. Get himself back under control, stop his every thought wandering back to the look on Potter's face as he spotted Severus, back to how the two had locked eyes when Potter released himself into the girl. Severus sighed again, realizing that he was once again reliving the events of the previous night. It's going to be a long week.

By Tuesday Severus gave up on the notion that ignoring his rampaging desires would make them go away. Detestable as it was, he would resort to his usual plan. He summoned his house elf and sent the detestable creature with his message:

Malfoy,

Today I shall grace you with a reminder of your proper place. I require Narcissa's assistance for today's lesson. You will both assume the position at 3 o'clock and await my arrival.

At 430, Severus strolled leisurely into Malfoy Manner, turned right and headed down the stairs. At the bottom of the steps, he ducked his head to avoid a brick bulkhead and opened the heavy wooden door that opened into the Malfoy's private...pleasure chamber.

On the left, the walls were adorned with an array of whips, crops and canes, as well as leather and rope assembled in as many ways as a deeply depraved mind could conceive. The far wall held an array of items used for discipline and torture, most of which were actual antiques passed through the Malfoy lineage from the Dark Ages and rarely used. There was an Oral Pear which was elaborately enameled with depictions of whores and witches, hung on the beautifully half unfurled. An iron Scavenger's daughter was near the bottom; just above it was a Heretic's fork made out of solid silver and imbued with dark magic. The pride of the collection, however, was a gold and jewel encrusted Scold's Bridle, set on a pedestal topped with a blood red velvet hon, enclosed in a glass case.

Along the right wall were various stocks and pillories, and an Iron Chair, studded with sharp iron spikes on the seat, back and armrests. The wood frame of the chair was stained a deep, unsettling red from frequent use of years long gone.

In the center of the room was a more modern version of a classic: the wheel. The large wooden circle strapped with iron was fitted with rings at intervals of two feet along the inside. Ropes and leather straps were ample, hanging on pegs on either side of the wheel. The ceiling of the entire room was also studded with an intricate system of ropes and pulleys, allowing for far more creative bondage experiences.

Today, however, Severus had his mind set on humiliating the pathetic servant of the Dark Lord before him. As required, both Lucius and Narcissa were kneeling and sitting back on their heels, heads bowed, long hair fallen over their faces, and leaning forward slightly so that their hands rested on their knees. Severus could see the excitement in them both, in their breathing, in the tension in their shoulders. Though he found a sick pleasure in the pain and discomfort they must be feeling after nearly 2 hours in this position, it was merely because he was revolted by the both of them. Lucius with his haughty sneer and pretty blond hair, mony, and mansion; Narcissa merely because she chose such a man. In fact, he found their excitement distasteful. He was here to show them their place, not to give them pleasure. He would have to change that.

Severus wandered over to the left and selected a crop that fit his mood. It was about 18 inches long, quite stiff but still springy, wrapped in soft, supple leather and tipped with two flaps of leather, each 2 inches long and about 1 inch wide.

He took delight in his slow stroll back over to his two submissives, knowing what was to come for who were trembling with excitement already. "You," he said, smacking Lucius on the shoulder with a quick flick of the crop. Lucius jumped at the sudden attention.

"Yes Severus?" Lucius replied before he could stop himself. A pained expression came over him. "Sir," he added, too late. He was apparently out of practice.

Livid at the insult from his toy, Severus shouted "Do you think I am your equal? That you have a right to use my name in this place?" Severus struck with a vicious smack to Lucius' cheek, whose eyes watered in response to sharp pain. A satisfying welt was rapidly appearing as well, Severus was happy to note.

"Accio Bridle," Severus snapped, flicking his wand towards the pedestal. The beautiful Scold's Bridle was instantly magicked out of the glass case and flew into Severus' hand. He turned the implement over in his hands, examining the enamel painting and ensuring that each of its jewels were polished and secure. He unlatched the clasps on the sides, opened the bridle and approached Lucius. "Open," Severus demanded with a heavy breathiness to his voice.

Lucius looked up, anxiety evident in his cringed expression. He complied, though, opening his mouth and flattening his tongue to the bottom of his mouth. This was not his first show of insolence. Severus placed the tongue depressor in Lucius' mouth first, then pressed the mask against his face and closed and locked the cage in place. Drawing a finger along the bottom edge of the bridle he hooked a finger Lucius' chin and jerked sharply upwards so that Lucius was looking up at Severus. Lucius let out a guttural cry of pain as the short, dull spikes of the bridle bit down on his tongue at the sudden movement. "That's better," Severus sneered, feeling a mild arousal at the thought that the Dark Lord's Pretty Boy was probably tasting blood at the moment.

Narcissa, for her part, was trembling slightly from the excitement, but was very pointedly keeping her eyes focused on the little spot of floor directly in front of her, her hands never moving from her thighs. Severus noted the pool of fluid collecting underneath her. Good girl, he thought. This might be fun after all.

He walked past them both and gave a hard thwack on Lucius' ass with the cruel riding crop, raising yet another welt. It was immensely satisfying when he didn't hear so much as a grunt from Lucius. "Stand," he ordered of the blond. He responded instantly, springing to his feet, his knees creaking from the hours sitting on his knees on concrete. He wobbled once, and Severus smirked, knowing that was bound to be because one or both of his feet were numb from the posture.

Not letting his inward pleasure show, he led his bridled and tamed plaything to the wheel, securing him to the wheel, both arms and legs splayed and secured with thick leather restraints, worn supple with years of use and absorbed sweat and leather oil. Once secured, Severus waved his wand and spun the wheel so that the blond hair was hanging in a shimmering sheet straight down. At a subtle play of light shimmering on blond hair, he suddenly flashed to a cascade of fiery red hair thrown back and forth over the edge of a school desk, accompanied by cries so perfect that the mere memory of them was enough to fully awaken his member.

He turned and called to his bitch, "Narcissa," rewarding her for her patience and compliance with the use of her name. "Pleasure him." He turned back to Lucius with a hateful look and instructed, "don't cum or I will walk out of here without giving you what you know you desire most."

Severus was serious; he had realized that after his experience with even just the mere memory of last Friday, he had no real desire or need to fuck Lucius.

His threat was met with the smallest of whimpers, a deep intake of breath against the pain of the bridle, and whitening knuckles clamping onto the ropes holding him suspended.

Narcissa immediately went to her husband's pathetic form, greedily gulping his cock in one smooth motion and administering to his length with expertise that only comes from years of experience pleasuring the same man.

As he watched Pretty Boy fight against the waves of pleasure and bloody pain, coupled with the stress of being stretched wide and held upside down, Severus' arousal became rather irritating. He shook it off, walking around the side of the wheel to get a better view of Narcissa sucking the play thing's painfully engorged cock. She ministered to it with such eagerness, he was reminded of the Weasley girl yet again. His cock twitched painfully against his trousers.

Putting mild pressure on the inside of one thigh, she quickly complied and spread her legs quite wide. Severus gazed down at her cunt. It was in fairly good shape after for her age and after having a son, but Severus couldn't shake the image of the young, pale flesh turned hot pink, wet tightness that was Weasley.

Closing his eyes briefly against the memory, he swiped his crop across Narcissa's weeping cunt, quickly soaking the two leather swatches on the end with her sloppy fluid. He rewarded her continued compliance and enthusiasm with a light swat with the now-wet implement to her clit, which caused an almost inaudible groan and a very visible shudder from her head all the way to her toes. She had stopped for barely a second before she was back to attacking her husband's very swollen cock.

The plaything began an agonized sequence of pleasure-laiden groans followed by pained yips, which succumbed to uncontrollable moans again and again. Severus pointed his wand again and laid a bondage charm of his own making around Lucius' member, but the addition of a restraining sensation against Lucius' growing orgasm was simply too much for the man; the man went suddenly slack and his hands released their death grip on his bonds. His pained moans stopped, but Narcissa kept going; like a good toy, she did what she was told until she was told to stop.

Severus gave her an appreciative smack of the crop's tip against one large, erect nipple and she barely contained a sudden cry. Swallowing hard, she fight back her own impending orgasm of her own, he was sure.

As he indicated, she stepped back and once again assumed her position on the floor as Severus inspected his broken toy. His crop lashed wickedly across the man's broad chest, but the man only moaned breathily, otherwise not stirring at all. Severus sighed in disappointment as he walked back to his other toy. He indicated for her to bend over a short pilliary, waiving her off as she began to set herself in the device. Instead, he simply pushed her over the thick wooden beam with more force than was strictly necessary. He gave a quick inspection of her slit, all swollen and dripping, running the butt of his crop roughly from her clit to her hole, shoving it in roughly. If slipped in easily, and the motion was met with an uncontrolled cry of surprised pleasure. He worked the solid handle in and out a few times, and he continued to receive rough, deep grunts in response.

Satisfied that the handle was sufficiently soaked, he placed it against her puckered ass hole and set solid, steady pressure against it, moving it not-too-slowly inside her willing and wriggling ass. He backed it out about half way, and moved it up and down, side to side a few times. In and out carefully a time or two more, then suddenly it was gone, discarded. Narcissa ground her teeth against the intense sensation of lack, but didn't have to suffer for long. In a matter of moments, he held his own engorged cock in his hand and slipped it in and out of Narcissa's sloppy heat in two quick, staccato thrusts. Satisfied, he placed his now-wet cock against her ass and thrust himself to the hilt in one powerful stroke. Narcissa broke at the intensity of the sensation, crying out loudly and clamping around his length an orgasm rocked her thin body. Severus Reached one hand around her thigh and began rubbing her clit furiously to keep her orgasm flooding over her in waves. It didn't take long until Severus felt himself teetering on the edge. He pulled out quickly and flipped Narcissa over. She understood implicitly and seemed to relish the invitation to allow her to swallow Severus' length and suck every drop of cum from him. He grabbed a fist-full of dark hair and slammed her face into his groin, instantly flashing to the moment when Potter had grabbed Weasley's wrists and pinned them to the table; the moment when he and Weasley had both climaxed; the moment when Potter had fixed him with a sharp look of recognition and came undone inside his nubile partner. The memory of Potter's stare was all it took.

Once he extracted himself, he waved his wand in the general direction of Lucius' still recovering form, releasing him to the floor, instructing Narcissa, "Tend to him," before striding out of the dungeon, through the house and out the front door, and apparating straight to The Hog's Head from the porch.


	3. Chapter 3

Alrighty, **as promised** here is the 3rd chapter, and we're right back to the Snarr(n)y action!

I hope I'm keeping your interest...

Usual warnings... this is M for a reason, involves voyeurism and some freakin hot teenagers doing some freakin hot nasty.

 **REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW please!**

I'm curious what you thought about chapter 2- I'm posting this on the same night as a treat for #toleratinglucius... Please let me know what you think of the story so far!

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Sunday evening found him sitting at the Great table picking at his dinner, attempting- and utterly failing- to keep his eyes off of Harry Potter. As the students were pouring into the castle through the main doors after their week-long holiday, the boy had practically bowled him over, presumably accidentally; as Severus had tried to right himself, he felt Potter's vice-like grip on his left wrist, helping him to recover his balance. He tried to fix Potter with a patented sneer, but Potter beat him to the punch. "Sorry about that, Sir." The boy gave such a thick, knowing glance down to Severus's crotch that lasted just a second too long to have been imagined. "I that trust you're all right, Professor?" Without giving Severus a chance to assign detention or some... other punishment for the insolence, Potter turned on the spot and joined up with the Weasley girl and they walked arm in arm to the grand staircase without a backwards glance.

And now, as Potter and his friends ate and laughed together, the prick wasn't giving his professor even a single glance. It was pure torture.

Severus looked down at his barely touched food, thinking of his wholly unsatisfactory trip to the dungeons of Malfoy Manor. Remembering Potter's piercing stare as he licked his own cum out of the youngest Weasley. Severus shifted uncomfortably in his seat; his growing erection was becoming troublesome. That realization decided it for him; he finished his wine, stood up abruptly and left the table and went to his quarters in the dungeons.

As he locked the door to his private quarters behind himself, he began removed his teaching robes and walked to his liquor cabinet. He poured himself 2 fingers of his favorite scotch and sat down in the armchair in front of the roaring fire. He crossed his legs as he settled down, pushing his palm his groin. He fooled himself into thinking that he still hadn't decided if he was going to seek out Potter tonight. He closed his eyes and thought of the headiness he'd felt the week before, seeing Potter fuck the girl. Before long he was holding his cock and stroking it, thinking of the way the girl had gasped in pleasure and shock as Potter had shoved his finger inside her ass. He'd never seen the boy so confident, so cocky. And, well, so explicitly _masculine_. He'd never seen the boy as anything more than an annoyance, until the boy had taken off his shirt and revealed so much muscle and brawn and raw sex.

And the _look_. He could stop thinking about the way Potter looked at him, for there was no longer any doubt that Potter had recognized him; their interaction in the entry to the castle had seen to that.

Frustrated, Severus finished the rest of his scotch in one pull, truly a crime against fine whiskey, he knew, but he was determined to get Potter out of his head. He went into his personal lab, which adjoined both his quarters and his potions classroom. He checked on several potions that had been bubbling away all day, but as they weren't due to be finished for several more days, there was really no point in the exercise. He turned instead to his store cupboard, deciding to do an impromptu inventory. Mindless counting and tired routine- that's what he needed. No matter that he'd busied himself over the first few days of the holiday doing just that, and that he was always kept meticulous track of his stores, anyway.

For the first few minutes of his inventory, he was able to delude himself that the distraction was working. It soon became painfully obvious, though, that his years conducting this particular routine were working against him; the task simply did not take enough focus and mental effort to occupy his thoughts anymore.

He gave up and paced back into his living room, pouring himself some more scotch and grabbing a book. As he sipped his drink, he suddenly understood why all of his students found the subject of Potions so incredibly boring; even he couldn't keep his interest up while his head was filled with sex. Irritated with himself, he forced himself to continue reading _The Incredible Uses of Highland Fungi for Potions and Healing Elixirs_.

He awoke with a start when the book he had been reading fell to the floor with an enormous thud. _There really are quite a lot of uses for fungi_ , he thought. He sighed and went to pick up the book, absently wondering when he'd pulled his cock out of his trousers. Even so, he was uncomfortably hard. He sighed heavily again and looked up at the clock. He would have flogged himself had he missed…what? _The show._ As it was, he needed to hurry in order to arrive at the appointed classroom if he was to get there before the teenage lovers.

He settled his clothes quickly, donned his robes and hustled out of his quarters and down the hall, towards the great staircase, cursing himself all the way for his sex-shaken self-discipline. He had to keep reminding himself that Professor Snape did _not_ hurry anywhere. It was late enough to hide the terrible job that he was doing keeping a Snape-like prowling pace throughout the castle, though, so he needn't have worried. Relieved to see that he was the first to arrive in the classroom, he found a place in the corner just as before, near the window and covered by shadow. He had just enough time to begin to doubt his presence, berating himself for his foolishness, for his lust and his irritatingly hard cock. Of course The Great Harry Potter wouldn't really have known his presence. _Of course that wasn't a wink,_ he thought with loathing. And surely it really had been an accident when Potter had _run_ into him earlier that day. Deciding that he'd most certainly been deluded by the persistent erection he'd had- well, all week, really. _How could I have thought_ -

And then he heard it. Light footsteps, coming closer; Severus held his breath against the tension, his heart thumping loudly in his suddenly-dry throat. He sucked in a silent breath when he saw the door open and close, and then when Potter slid his infernal invisibility cloak off his shoulders, revealing both he and the Weasley girl. He watched as Potter scanned the room, settling on the corner where Severus hid. Harry made the slightest of what could only be a satisfied nod before pulling the girl into a tight embrace and kissing her with all lust and passion that had been in evidence last Friday.

Potter continued the kiss, slowly trailing his hands from her hair down her back, settling on her waist. He silently guided her across the classroom, apparently trustworthy enough that Weasley continued to step backwards across the room without hesitation, and the two began alternating between removing clothing and kissing.

The pair were coming closer. Much closer.

The threat of exposure sent a wave of nauseating heat through Severus. He couldn't keep himself from reaching inside his robes to stroke himself when Harry stopped a mere 10 feet from where he was waiting. Severus had to clamp down on his teeth to keep from moaning when Potter bent her now naked form over a desk, this time face down.

Potter kept one hand on the back of her head- _to keep her from seeing me?_ as he began prodding her opening with his fingers. She responded immediately with the most delicious moans; maybe that's why Potter was so fond of the strong-willed redhead. She seemed to be up for anything and was so exquisitely responsive. Potter must have started hitting her g-spot; she was breathless and loud and filled with carnal lust in a matter of seconds and soon after he noticed a slight tremble in her legs, as if every time Potter hit that spot she melted a little more. By now, he had forgotten all guilt, all self-doubt, and all one thousand fucking uses of fungi that he had read about earlier. He pried his eyes off the cascade of red silken locks and stole a look at Potter. He was staring right into Severus' eyes.

There was no doubt now. Potter definitely wanted him here, watching. As if waiting for Severus to pay him mind, Potter dropped to his knees behind Weasley and started licking her puckered opening, even as he was still pounding her g-spot. There was no coming back for the girl; she was lost in sensation and blind to everything around her. Potter, however, had pinned Severus to the spot with his searing gaze over the top of the girl's lush, smooth ass. He licked his way up, down, even insider her ass, never breaking eye contact with Severus. _He's daring me,_ Severus thought to himself. _Daring me to withstand his prowess._ He took a deep breath and forced his hand off his own cock and onto the armrest of the chair. He would only watch.

Surely he had enough discipline to watch teenage sexual antics without succumbing to their heat himself. So he watched the boy continue to lick and prepare the girl for the pounding to come.

Satisfied that she was wet enough for entry, Potter stopped fingering the girl, which was met with a pitiful moan of lack. In short order, though, she would want for nothing; Potter stood behind the girl and positioned himself at her entrance, grabbed her hips, and slammed home on the first push. Severus was impressed; they must have done this before, and often. With a cock as thick as Potter's, it would take quite a lot of gentle introduction to avoid excruciating pain and tearing. Weasly, for her part, let out a shout at the intrusion, but one filled with deep, dark pleasure, not horror. Severus found himself fascinated with the girl; as if on cue, Potter grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled her head and chest off of the desk as he continued pounding his considerable length into her perfect ass.

Severus realized with a furious blush that this must have been for his benefit, for when he glanced back up at Potter, their eyes met with nothing but greedy lust. Severus couldn't take it any longer- he pulled out his member again and started stroking it in time to Potter's thrusts. A smug smile graced Potter's face as he pounded into the girl and seared into Severus at the same time.

The two of them kept pace with Potter's thrust for a few minutes, Weasley filling the silence with her extraordinarily exciting vocals. Severus, unused to this particular kind of arousing entertainment, looked away and worked hold back an orgasm. This was simply too indulgent to let go too early.

 _Crap_ , Severus scolded himself silently. O _f course he noticed_. Potter had suddenly pulled his length out of that amazing ass, and for a moment Severus thought he was going to be punished with a premature end to the show. Weasley seemed to collapse in a soft moan, as if his stiff rod was the only thing holding her together.

Neither she nor Severus was disappointed for long. Potter grabbed her sides, manipulating her to stand, to turn around, to kneel. Potter again grabbed a fist full of red hair, but this time he didn't have to pull her head where he wanted it. She latched on to the older boy's cock and began working it over expertly, without prompting. Severus was on the verge of unraveling already, so when Potter pulled away from the girls expert ministrations after a minute and began stroking himself in front of her face, Severus had to bite down on his tongue to keep himself from crying out as an orgasm wracked his body. That seemed to be what Potter was holding out for.

Potter's face scrunched up in a pained expression and a guttural growl escaped his pretty mouth just as he pulled a very willing Weasley back on to his length letting her drink him down. Potter's body shook with the last tremors of his release as the girl worked his cock just enough to elicit the last drops of what Severus could only imagine would be a delicious mess.

After a moment both Potter and Weasley sagged to the floor, breathless with the exertion. "Whatever it is that's gotten into you, Harry, don't stop! I love fucking you like this," she said with a silly grin, still breathing heavily. She rested her head on Potter's sweaty chest staring at nothing in particular, catching her breath cuddled up with her lover.

Severus suddenly felt that he really was intruding. He quickly, but utterly silently, set himself a right and looked out the window, trying to keep the flush from creeping into his cheeks. A moment later, he heard Weasley moan again. _Really?_ He whipped his head around, jaw agape, as he saw Potter fingering her clit. The two men locked eyes briefly before Potter brought his tongue ever so slowly from the girl's collarbone and up along her jaw. Severus already felt another uncomfortable stirring in his trousers.

"Harry, again?" Ginny asked incredulously. "You're insatiable," she moaned,, grinning. She pushed his hand away, and moved to get up.

"Haven't heard you complain before," he teased, rewarded her with a hard smack to the ass.

"Ouch!" She giggled. "Hey, no fair starting something else you _know_ we can't finish! I've got early Potions tomorrow, and I'm not exactly done with my essay." At that Severus flushed furiously, shutting his eyes tightly as if to deny this was all really happening.

"So, tomorrow?" Potter asked. Severus opened his eyes at that. Weasley had her head stuck in her jumper, and Potter was once again staring directly at Severus. Before he could think about it, he nodded his ascent once. Weasley finally emerged from the right end of her clothing and sighed, giving Potter a light slap to the arm as they left.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello, my beautiful readers! Thank you for your patience...it has been hard to find time to write!_

 _As always, thank you so much for your reviews! I love hearing what you have to say._

 _acover1991_ I made sure to give it one last read-through today before posting- I certainly did notice a few things, so I hope I've done better!

 _rainbowlovemonkey_ Enough with all the teasing, huh? I thought of you when I decided to end the chapter XD

 _As promised and without further rambling, here's your_ Snarry...I hope you like it.

Chapter 4

Like clockwork, Severus opened the Potions classroom with a loud _thud_ at precisely 8 o'clock in the morning. He very nearly smirked when he saw that he had startled several of his students quite badly. Before his careful façade could crack with amusement, he turned on one heel and strode briskly to the front of the classroom, robes billowing behind him. He stood behind his desk, glaring out at the students filing in and taking their seats.

"You will be brewing a rather _simple_ draught this morning, called Drawing Salve, used to aid in one's recovery from an assortment of grave poisons. Be aware, however, that even the _slightest_ mistake could be disastrous. "I do not wish to whisk any of you off to St. Mungo's for treatment," he began, articulating each word with oppressive detail. His eyes continued their sweep of the classroom, falling upon Potter. "Though Gods know it would be an improvement to be rid of you…" he let the dark thought linger in the classroom for just a second longer than he ought... _there._ From the corner of his eye he caught the movement of a student, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of his persona. "So make no mistakes. Turn in your essays and then you may begin. Instructions are on the board and there will be no need to talk."

With that he tucked his robes underneath him neatly, retrieved his quill, ready to begin marking, fully intending to ignore both Potter and Weasley. He felt a slight jump in his trousers when he saw a flash of silky red as Weasley turned in her Potions essay, but he could tell she hadn't allowed her gaze to linger; she had simply returned to her seat as nothing was different. _Maybe she doesn't know…_ he mused. _The Great Harry Potter, keeping secrets from his true love? No, it can't be. She's playing coy…_

"Are you feeling well today, Professor?" Startled from his reverie, Severus' quill jerked uncontrollably, bumping his jar of ink and nearly spilling it all over the essays.

Taking a deep breath, he prepared an angry sneer and looked up. " _Excuse_ me?"

"I noticed you weren't at breakfast this morning, and wondered if you'd managed to _catch_ something last night," Potter replied with an easy, smug smile.

Caught off guard by Potter's cheek, Severus simply glared at Potter for moment.

deepened his sneer and lowered his voice to an almost inaudible growl,

"Next time I get the sniffles I shall endeavour to remember to owl you. Now if you are quite done inquiring after my health, return to your seat and begin brewing, lest in your haste to complete the potion you blow yourself up. Twenty points from Gryffindor, for sheer stupidity," he finished loudly, and resumed marking essays. _It is, it's a prank, that's all. He's just like his father…_ Memories flashed across Severus' mind: memories of all the ridicule, the embarrassment. The sick laughter of his tormentors; the conflicted look in those beautiful green eyes, watching. Those same green eyes watching him, last night…

 _Last night…_ He shook his head to dislodge that pale flesh, those smooth curves, from his mind. An uncomfortable flush threatened to rise in his cheeks when he noted with disgust that his trousers were becoming uncomfortably tight, and that he was staring intently at the unmoving quill in his hand.

Severus let out a calming breath and scanned his classroom looking for trouble. _Not now,_ he scolded himself as he realized he was leering at the Weasley girl. Just as was tearing his eyes away from delicate features and cascading flames, he felt the boy's gaze burrowing into Severus' thoughts. As he shifted his gaze away from Weasley, he inadvertently locked eyes with Potter. _Hmmm..._ Severus thought, watching a scarlet flush bloom on the boy's face. _Interesting._

The rest of the day crept by too slowly, but he was well enough accustomed to boredom and unattended hard-ons. In his anticipation of the evening's...promise... he _may_ have deducted more House Points than strictly necessary, but that was hardly out of character. As he strolled across the entrance hall, he smiled to himself, seeing significantly fewer rubies in Gryffindor's column than there were even just a few hours ago at lunch. _20 points from Gryffindor for Mr. Potter's...inconvenient presence in my thoughts,_ he muttered to himself silently, and twenty more rubies shot out the Gryffindor column.

With that, he strode to the Head Table and tucked in to a very pleasant dinner which had nothing to do with the roast chicken.

Severus had been early enough that by the time Potter strolled in, Severus' legs were cramping slightly. He had decided that the best way to ensure that he didn't get caught in a trap was to lie in wait and stalk Potter like delicious prey. The boy was repeatedly tossing and catching a small golden snitch, looking for all the world like a normal 18 year old boy and not T _he Chosen One_. For Severus, it was easy to see past through the careful construct of confidence and normalcy and see the scarred flesh, the insecurity warring with apathy in the boy's eyes. He had spent years seeing through deception and facade in dual service to The Dark Lord and to Dumbledore, and he knew without doubt that this boy would never be ok again.

Severus reacted in an instant, even before he recognized that Potter had thrown the damn snitch at the dark, shadowy corner where he was waiting quietly. He flicked his wand and deflected the silly little object, which flew across the room and bounced off a chalkboard.

"So you _are_ here, _Professor,_ " Potter uttered with a husky sensuality.

Severus was frozen to the spot; he had not anticipated this change in the game. Of course he knew that Potter had seen him that first night, but this was different. Being called out, being announced… _To whom?_ Severus wondered; it was just then that he realized the girl's absence. He reeled at the reality of the situation: he and Potter were alone in a dark classroom after curfew, and it was obvious that they both had sex on the mind.

Before Severus was forced to make a move, Potter flicked his wand at the door, closing and locking it without uttering a word. _Well, killing a man certainly does increase your magic,_ he ruminated darkly. Harry was already taking off his voluminous school robes and laying them neatly on a desk as he started walking across the classroom towards Severus. "I've been thinking about... _this…_ a lot." Potter continued. "About…" he removed his shirt slowly, almost shyly, exposing his lean, toned chest and arms, his flat abs. "About _you_ , Professor." He casually unhooked his belt buckle without loosening it completely, keeping one thumb hooked on the sturdy leather wrapping his waist. "What have _you_ been thinking about, _Professor_?"

Severus suddenly realized that Potter was close enough that he could reached out and touch that taunt form, that pale flesh…

There was a loud screeching noise as Severus rose quickly, kicking his chair back in his haste to advance on Harry Potter. WIthout thinking, Severus took the boy by the shoulders and turned him, pinning him against the wall next to the window. He pressed his suddenly dry mouth against Potter's frozen berry colored lips, choosing sensation over thought. If he spared a moment to think it would be all over; he couldn't do this. He _would_ not do this! But instead of banishing actions, he banished those thoughts and brought his long, fine-boned fingers across Harry's broad shoulders, the shoulders that had carried the world for so many years. In that moment Severus longed to take away the pain, the pressure, to let him simply _be_ , instead of being _The Chosen One_. He wound his tongue along Harry's bottom lip sensually, feeling Harry relax into the experience. Severus took Harry's lower lip and bit it playfully, eliciting the lightest of shudders and a very satisfying guttural moan. Harry seemed to wake at this and took control, turning them both so that Severus was now the one pinned against the wall.

Harry began pulling at Severus' robes, trying to remove them as fast as possible. Severus began fumbling with buttons, but Harry was far too impatient for buttons. He grabbed the robes near the collar and jerked, buttons flying everywhere. Severus felt a wave of lust overtake him and let a moan escape his implacable persona. _Not so intimidating now, are we?_ Severus chided himself. That self-derision didn't last long, though, as Potter- _no, it should be Harry, now_ , he thought to himself, placed his hands on Severus' chest and began exploring the expanse of soft, pale skin. Severus had to shut his eyes tight against the flood of sensation as Harry thrummed a quidditch-calloused thumb against one of Severus' nipples; his let out a wholly undignified moan when the gentle thrumming turned into a twisting pinch. He had to catch himself on Harry's well toned biceps as the flood of exquisite sensations made him weak in the knees.

"That's what I thought, _Professor_ ," Harry muttered in a deep, velvety husk. "For all your bluster, you don't want to be in charge," Harry accused, continuing his ministrations. Severus felt Harry's other hand snake up and across his chest, settling in a mild grip on Severus' throat and jaw. Harry tipped the older man's chin up so that they were looking eye to eye. Severus hadn't noticed when he'd let his jaw go slack, but he closed it gently now, staring into those pools of brilliant green and it was in that moment he finally realized he knew nothing of Harry Potter.

"You want to be dominated, don't you?"

"N-no," Severus replied weakly.

Harry redoubled his efforts on Severus' nipple and pushed his other hand ever so slightly against the Potions Master's long, elegant neck. Severus' eyes rolled back in his head and he dug his nails into Harry's bare biceps "Say that again," Harry said with a deeply satisfied smirk releasing the pressure on the man's neck.

"Ne-never before, n-no," Severus managed after a moment. He was breathing heavily already, and could feel that coil of tension is his belly growing strong. Severus tried to look away, to calm himself, to regain control of himself. He thought that if he could regain himself, then he could take control again. Harry responded to Severus' actions by releasing the man's nipple and putting a little more insistent pressure on Severus' neck. "And now?" Harry asked. The boy leaned forward, trailing incredibly light kisses from Severus' collar bone up the side of his constricted neck until his lips were right next to Severus' ear. "With me?" He licked the outer edge of Severus' ear languidly

Severus tried taking a deep breath, but Harry's hand didn't allow for it. He swallowed hard against the pressure. Severus couldn't readily decide if he liked what was happening, but couldn't deny that it was _arousing._ "Yes," he croaked out against Harry's hand.

Harry's eyes took on an malicious glint and he smiled. "There, now that wasn't so hard, now was it?" he cooed in a patronizing manner as he released the pressure on Severus' neck and instead soothed the area with very light, sensual touches. "Here's what's going to happen, Severus," Potter began, once again whispering huskily in the man's ear. "I'm going to ask you a question, and when you answer it," Harry paused, moving his left hand from Severus' throat and slowly moving it to the base of his teacher's neck. He grabbed a fist full of hair and jerked cruelly before emphasizing, " _correctly_ , I will give you…" he paused, and began kissing along Severus' jaw before placing an agonizingly chaste kiss on Severus' lips that ended in an abrupt and utterly perfect twist of the same nipple that Harry had been working earlier. "Do you agree?"

Harry moved his perfect mouth back to Severus' ear, brushing his day-old stubble against the older man's cheek.

"Yessss," Severus hissed breathily. He had nearly come undone at the wholly unexpected and utterly overwhelming sensations and so once again he closed his eyes tightly against surges of pleasure.

Harry released his hold on the professor's hair and began kissing and sucking on his neck and earlobe. "Mmmmmmmm…" Harry made a throaty purr right in Severus ear. "See how easy this is? Now, tell me. What do you want?"

Severus' couldn't stop his head from rushing as Harry grabbed each wrist and pinned them against the wall, near shoulder level. "This."

"Hmm. Not quite, I think," Harry said, sounding a little disappointed. " _This_ , after all, is not what you were expecting tonight. Try again."

His breath coming faster than he realized, he opened his eyes and stared wantonly at his student. "You, I want you." Snape blushed furiously when he heard the husk and the naked truth in his own voice.

Harry leaned his weight against Severus' wrists, stepping one foot back, giving him extra leverage to hold the tall man, and also allowing his head easy access to Severus' chest. He locked eyes with the man as he bent toward the nipple he'd been teasing earlier. Severus gave a shudder and a low moan in anticipation as Harry opened his mouth and... snapped his jaw shut and whipped head around to pin the man with a glare. "Half-true, at best, Severus," Harry said in a sultry, sulky voice. He turned his head back to the sensitive bit of flesh. "Still, half credit." Harry gently prodded at the engorged nipple with his nose, which made the man shudder.

"Why did you come here tonight?" Harry stepped in toward Severus and pinned him bodily against the wall, whose ragged breathing now labored more still with the effort of pushing against Harry's pale, muscular chest. "Be honest, or we are done here," Harry growled in warning.

Severus was beginning to panic; he didn't know what Harry wanted to hear. Obviously, there was a "right" answer, but he just couldn't think. So much skin pressing up against him now, so much sensation, so much _touch_. He could barely stand it, but couldn't let it stop. He didn't want to lose this...connection. _Gods, it's been so long since..._ As memories and fantasies swirled through his head he knew the truth that Harry was after.

"To watch. To watch you, with _her,_ " he said letting out a deep, shuddering breath and slumping against the wall. He hung his head and let the mix of images flood through him. Flame-red hair, kissed by sunlight. Pale flesh, spread beneath Potter. Pure, wanton pleasure. Moaning, pulses of adrenaline, waves of lust, and brilliant emerald green eyes.

Severus' arms fell to his sides as Harry released his grip on the man's wrists, but Severus didn't take notice. Harry cupped the man's cheek and brought Severus' head up, their gazes locking. "Your eyes. Her hair," Severus mumbled, fighting back tears. Harry moved in swiftly and wrapped the man up in a tender embrace and a long kiss.

"Yes, Severus. I know." Harry brought his other hand up and placed it on Severus' chest, mindlessly feeling the light mat of hair there. "Do you know why I came here tonight, Severus?"

Severus tried to force his mind to start working, but it felt like walking through thick water. When it occurred to him that his hands were free, he hesitantly brought them up and placed them on Harry's sides, feeling the smooth silkiness of his young skin, feeling the 'real-ness' of the moment. Feeling _now. Feeling…_ Severus lifted his head and looked into the boy's eyes, those brilliant eyes that had always been like a warm summer breeze. Now they were distant and cold. Unfeeling…

Severus reached up a tentative hand and touched Harry's cheek. "To feel. To...to live."

"And to forget," Harry whispered as he leaned forward and gently rest his forehead against his professor's forehead. "Anything to forget."


	5. Chapter 5

Hello, Snarry fans! This is your chapter...this is what you #didn'tget last chapter...I'm sorry about that! But this chapter is EXTRA long to make up for that...

At this point in the story, this is really how I see Harry and Severus interacting, but I'm not yet certain if they need to continue this way or not, so if you like it, please tell me! If you don't tell me (be kind…)!

Thanks! I really hope you all enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Again, all the same disclaimers and yada yada… lots of hot guy on guy with a *twist* of depravity…

* * *

Chapter 5

 _Anything to forget._ It was quite late by the time Severus made it back to his chambers that night. He and Harry had, well... _enjoyed themselves_ , he thought, unconsciously fingering the skin of his throat, but that one phrase kept rolling through Severus' mind.

There were a lot of things Severus wished he could forget, but he knew that he'd chosen most of it for himself. Harry, on the other hand had only chosen to be brave, to take the path that had to be taken, to live out the tragedy laid out before him. He'd saved the world and lost himself. As they'd kissed, Severus could feel Harry's hold on his own mind slipping into darkness. Severus had slipped in through the cracks in Harry's mind before he'd even really thought about what he was doing. His stomach had lurched unbearably as he realized where they were: the Astronomy Tower. The memory was on a loop; about every 5 seconds it would start over, with Severus himself sending the killing curse at the old man who fell back off the edge and disappeared. And then again, Severus cruelly sending that curse at the wizened old man, who fell back and disappeared into the night. And the curse flying through the air, hitting the old man and sending him over the edge. Over and over and over again, while Harry had been kissing him furiously. Kissing him, Severus Snape, the man who had murdered Dumbledore. He had never known that Harry had been on the tower that night. _How_...? Severus had begun to feel the overwhelming sense of _helplessness_ emanating rolling over Harry as he relived the rooftop, and it resolved in his understanding; Harry had been under the cloak and immobilized. How could he have missed it that night, how could he have not sensed the boy's presence? And how could the old man have been so cruel, forcing Harry watch his death? His _suicide_?

Severus had moved within the memory to stand in front of the paralyzed Harry, to block out the horrors unfolding for the boy over and over again. _Harry, listen to me,_ Severus poured the words in through the wide cracks in Harry's mental defenses. _You do not have to live in this place. You aren't immobilized anymore,_ he had whispered in Harry's mind, placing a tender hand on the side of Harry's face, both physically and within the memory. _Look at me, Harry. Look only at me. Let this place dissolve. Let go of this horror, and come back to me…_ he had worked these thoughts softly throughout the memory, written them on the stone, laced the brilliant starry sky with impulses to draw Harry's eye, placed gentle whispers on the breeze.

When wetness touched the hand cupping Harry's face, Severus had delicately extracted his will from Harry's mind, leaving the words and whispers behind. When the last piece bit of Severus slipped back to Severus, Harry collapsed into his professor. The pair had slid down the rough stone wall holding each other. Brief tears fell within their embrace, but loss was replaced by comfort as the two men found what they both needed in that moment. Harry's breath had soon begun to slow as he sat encircled by strong arms and Severus had briefly felt blessed by some measure of atonement.

Severus sat and watched the fire in his private chambers dressed only in his inky black slacks. He sipped a heady red wine and watched the flames as played out their own Danse Macabre. Lost in reverie and lost to the world, he considered Harry Potter.

He'd heard the stories of his exploits during what should have been his Seventh Year at Hogwarts, but stories of endless wandering and camping and running did poor justice to the emotional toll that year had taken on the boy. For his part, Severus had stayed in his warm, comfortable chambers in the dungeon, subtly controlling the rampant excesses of his little Death Eaters. He'd spent much of the year in drink; how else could he be expected to cope? Oh, The Dark Lord had expected his presence and his service often enough, and had certainly demanded frequent... _visits…_ to Malfoy Manor to repay Lucius for his incompetence. _Comfort, pleasure, and excess, while he had fear, hunger, and death. And he seeks me?_

Severus chucked his wine glass into the fire, shattering the glass against the ancient stone and spiking the flames with alcohol. His brief feeling of atonement was gone, a distant memory to his more familiar self-loathing as he sat looking down at the pale skin of his own chest. He placed a hand in the center, amidst his modest chest hair, thinking of how Harry could even stand to be in the same room with him. And yet, Harry had touched him. _Kissed_ him, embraced him. Severus was mildly surprised and quite annoyed when he caught himself palming his groin. Lust rolled through him as his mind flashed back to his evening with Harry.

(earlier that evening)

"So, Professor," Harry mumbled softly as he lit a cigarette and took a long drag and sat back back against the wall of the classroom where the two had collapsed against each other.

"Don't- please, call me Severus," the man had intoned with a pained expression. _I can't do this- can't feel this way and be your professor.._

Harry had smiled at him slyly. "All right, _Sev_ ," Harry said, rolling his eyes and mocking Severus' request. "Would you like to keep playing our little game?"

Severus was not one for smiles or laughter, but this earned Harry a decent chuckle. "Is that what it is we're doing? Playing a simple game?" Severus took the proffered cigarette and took a quick drag himself, handing it back to Harry. "With one change, _Potter_. _You_ will be subject to questioning as well."

Harry lit up at the notion. "As long as you remember to _reward_ correct answers," he said enthusiastically. "Go on, you start," Harry instructed, already palming his erection through his trousers.

"Firstly, if you'll recall, rewarding oneself is _expressly forbidden_ , Harry," Severus replied in a deep growl, waving his wand at Harry's hands.

"Hey!" Harry complained as his wrists were suddenly restricted with invisible bonds. He _harrumphed_ at the smoldering wickedness evident in his professor's face and relented. "Just for this one question."

"And answer…" Severus mumbled under his breath. Severus took the cigarette out of the corner of Harry's mouth and took another drag. "For my first question, I would like to know…" Severus paused for a moment, thinking. "Have you ever…" he started slowly as he snaked a long fingered hand slowly up the inside of Harry's thigh towards the growing hardness. "Fucked around with another bloke?"

Harry sucked in a sharp breath at the touch. "Not- not exactly, no," Harry answered rather cryptically.

Severus immediately withdrew his hand and delivered a shocking smack to Harry's groin.

"Ahhh! Fuck, Severus!" Harry shouted in shock and pain, pinching his eyes tight against the tears that welled. "What the fuck?"

"You expect pleasure in return for that answer? I think not," Severus smirked, doing a very exacting impression of himself.

"What the bloody hell, man?"

"That's what cheeky brats get for incomplete answers. Or do you not remember final exams from my class?"

Harry cracked a wide grin at that. "Yes, failing your tests is quite like getting smacked in the cock, you're right." There was no denying though; the brutal sensation had been delivered with exactly the right ferocity; Harry was now rocking his hips, trying to get friction against his swollen cock.

"Now, would you like to revise your answer, Mr. Potter?" Harry shuddered slightly at the use of his surname, Severus was careful to note as he leveled an impatient sneer at Harry.

"I _meant_ , if you would've allowed me to _finish_ -"

" _That_ has yet to be determined, Potter," Severus stated flatly, which was greeted with a nearly inaudible moan.

Harry shifted up onto his haunches, knees wide and inviting, hands still bound behind him. He arched his back subtly, showing off every one of his quidditch-chiseled muscles. "I _meant_ that I've been with Ginny and another guy, and, you know, fooled around a bit, but no, I've never 'fucked around with another bloke,' not exactly _. Sir,"_ Harry finished flatly, leveling a hot gaze at Severus, wantonly daring Severus to reward him for his answer.

"For your pleasure," Severus began slowly, considering. He considered the form before him, with so much flesh, so much willingness. Severus slowly assumed a similar position, sitting back on his heels, back arched, hands held behind him, knees spread wide. "You may punish me." Severus hadn't been able to keep the deep husk of need from his voice as he gazed down at Harry.

" _Finite incantatem,_ " Harry growled, breaking his bonds in an instant and launching himself onto Severus. Grabbing his Potions Professor roughly by the hair, He attacked the man's mouth with his own. Severus responded immediately, a deep moan escaping his throat, his mouth opening involuntarily. Harry seized the opportunity and swiped his tongue along Severus' bottom teeth, eliciting yet another deep guttural moan from the older man. Their tongues danced around each other, swiping gentle licks on the other as Harry pressed his body more and more deeply into Severus'.

Breathless, Harry finally broke their kiss, giving Severus' hair a final jerk. Harry stared into Severus's endless chocolate brown eyes as he caught his breath. Harry seemed to consider for a moment before gesturing vaguely with his hand, conjuring bonds for his naughty professor. Wide, supple bands of black leather wound their way first around Severus' neck, then down to his back before winding a figure eight around his wrists, binding them together behind his back.

Severus was first impressed by the power and ease of Harry's wandless and wordless magic, but that thought was brief as it was very quickly overshadowed by a heady wave of lust and wanton desire. Severus tested his restraints, wiggling his hands, hips and shoulders. His wrists were bound just high enough to be of nagging discomfort, but not pain. _Yet_ , he thought to himself, excited to see where Potter was going to take this tonight. The collar on his neck was neither tight enough nor stiff enough to be constricting or painful on its own; in fact, Severus quite liked the feel of the soft bond there. When he moved his hands or shoulders, or arched his back or bucked his hips, however, the bonds on his wrists pulled gently on his neck, administering that same incredible rush that Potter had delivered with his own strong grip before. He liked it. Very much.

Harry stood up in front of Severus, admiring his handiwork. Seemingly satisfied, he continued their game. "I saw you staring at Ginny in Potions this morning. I think you even drooled a little, _Professor,_ " he intoned in a playful, patronizing voice. "Do you fancy girls?"

Severus felt himself blush furiously and he swallowed hard against memories of Ginny's willing form, his Adam's apple pushing uncomfortably against the collar. "No, not girls." Severus' voice came out raw and so husky that it surprised Severus. He took a deep breath to regain his senses, which served only to put a delicious pressure on his throat. Severus fought to keep his eyes from lolling back in his head, to stay focused. "Just one, before. A long time ago," he finished in a barely audible whisper. He swallowed hard once more before daring to level his gaze at the eyes that he had been in love with for as long as he could remember.

Just as Harry was about to challenge his Professor's answer Severus added, "Of course, I've been with women before." Severus smirked and his gaze turned into a hot smolder as he finished, "Usually I just fuck around with the other bloke who's there, though."

That revelation seemed to be a bit more than Harry had been expecting. As a hot flush crept up his neck and across his face, he finally finished unbuckling his trousers and pulled out his hefty member. He gave it a couple of experimental strokes and watched Severus tongue dart across his lips and stare. Satisfied at the reaction, Harry stepped close to Severus and began rubbing his cock lightly against Severus' face. Harry ran his hand up his impressive length and then slapped it against Severus' temple, then stroked it again, then pressed it against Severus' cheek, running his hand up and down the side while he pressed it into Severus' cheek. Severus couldn't believe how pleasurable it was to be surprised by the wanton sexuality that Harry apparently favored . As he wriggled to try to get lips, mouth, tongue- anything- on that beautiful piece of flesh, his bonds jerked against his throat. His head was spinning hard and fast at the play of desire, humiliation, and choking. His breath was coming in deep and fast now, causing a regular rhythm of pressure against his throat and he could feel the marvelous effects all of this play was having on his own ignored cock. Painfully straining against his trousers and already weeping with excitement, Severus began to think he would come without a single touch to his groin. Deep need and coiled tension groaned in his belly, but the thought also brought him to a new degree of arousal.

"Do you want to fuck my girlfriend, Professor?" Harry slipped his question into the thick haze of Severus' thoughts.

"Yessssssssss," the man responded immediately, continuing to shift and wriggle and moan and _experience_ the sensations that Harry was offering. Harry stepped back a few inches, leaving Severus lurching toward the space Harry's cock had inhabited.

Harry wrapped a fist into Severus' hair, jerking the man's gaze to be level with his own. "Would you like to suck my cock now, _Professor_?

In answer Severus lunged forward to capture Harry's cock in his mouth. He tried to

grab the base of Harry's length, but forgot his bonds. He manage to tip himself over onto the floor and clench the leather band around his throat, hard. Harry watched in amusement as the potions master's eyes rolled back briefly, eyelids fluttering.

Of course, as soon as Severus went slack, the collar released the pressure on Severus' neck. He gasped a couple of times, eyes locked on Harry crouched next to him, his hard member out and ready. Severus was lost in desire; the sight of Harry's naked chest made his heart race and his breath come in fast and the sight of the swollen member mere inches away made Severus' cock jump painfully against the dampened fabric of his trousers. It didn't matter where he looked, he could not keep his body from reacting in such a way as to strain his bonds. He involuntarily bucked his hips to get any kind of friction, any kind of release, but instead delivered a little bump of pressure to his neck. His groaned at the intensity of the pleasure building up in his body, staring straight into those brilliant green eyes.

"Are you with me, Severus?" he finally heard.

He blinked at first, not understanding. "Yes…"

"You disappeared there for a second. Are you alright?" Harry asked, concerned. Severus blinked against the fog in his brain a few times before nodding. His breath was evening out, his body stilling; he was surprised how quickly his body had been overcome with arousal and he had lost control.

"Do you want me to release you?" Severus shook his head immediately. He would handle it better now that he knew. He had to have more of this.

"Well, how about that. I think dear Sev likes it, don't you?" Harry teased.

Severus felt himself blush a little, but he resisted embarrassment; if Harry could do all _that_ without either of them even touching… Severus cleared his throat a little and spoke up. "Let me suck your cock, Potter," he said dropping his eyes to Harry's solid member still hanging between Harry's crouched knees. "Like this…" he mumbled, rolling to lay over his bound hands.

Severus saw the rush of arousal hit Harry at the words. Arching his back and sucking in a deep, heady breath, he let out a hearty laugh before moving to straddle his plaything. Severus nearly bent in half as Harry put a hand behind himself and palmed Severus' erection. The sensation was so overwhelming it was nearly painful, and Severus' pitiful moan was enough to convince Harry to free Severus from the cruel confines of his trousers. Harry pulled Severus' big cock out and stroked it once, twice, with a very firm grip as Severus gasped, sucking in a big breath and scrunching his eyes as tight as he could.

"Oh, my dear Severus, Ginny is going to have such fun with you! She loves a delicious moan, and you, my dear, make the sweetest sounds I've ever heard." Harry released the older man's cock and turned his attention to his promise. "That's for another day, though, Sev. Now, what am I going to do, to keep from accidentally killing you? How will you tell me if you need a breath when you're all bound up like this," Harry gestured to Severus' trussed-up form before taking hold of his own hardon and giving a few excruciatingly slow strokes. "With all of this shoved down your throat?"

Severus began trying to reach for the swollen tip of Harry's cock with his mouth at the mere thought of being fucked by it, but Harry placed one hand- his other hand- on Severus' forehead and pushed Severus' head back down to the stone floor. "Now now, you have to be patient, my dear. I really need an answer on this. How will you let me know when it is too much?"

Severus tried to think clearly, but with Harry sitting on his chest, playing with that delicious piece of flesh right in front of his face, he just couldn't bring his thoughts to bear on the question.

"I mean it, Severus, answer me or we don't do this."

Severus closed his eyes this time and thought hard. _Of course! I am a wizard, aren't I?I am such an idiot._ The spell came to mind so easily after decades of regular use that in his state he didn't realize that he'd already invoked it. _I'll tell you here,_ he said in the boy's own mind.

 _That_ got the boy's attention. Harry was kissing Severus before he'd finished the thought, their lips smashing together fiercely, tongues darting out, exploring each other. Harry braced one hand on the stone above Severus' head and with the other, cupped the side of Severus' face, giving one last deep, passionate kiss on the lips before snaking down to lay lips and tongue on Severus' neck, throat, collarbone. Harry took the hand from the side of Severus' face and placed his first two fingers at Severus' lips. Severus groaned when he smelled his precum- _or was it Potter's? Both, maybe,_ he thought- on those fingers and gulped them down. He licked every crevice, every bit of skin along each of those digits, relishing the way it was Harry whose eyes were rolling back.

Harry pulled his fingers out of the man's mouth and shifted up so that his knees were at Severus' shoulder level. Potter held his own cock for another agonizing moment of slow stroking. "God, you're so hot like this," he said and slid his length fully into Severus' eager mouth. They both groaned, Harry at the sheer pleasure of a hot mouth wrapped around his now-throbbing member, Severus from the erotic taste of Harry's salty-sweet cock and the sticky substance dribbling out from his slit.

Harry began moving inside Severus mouth, very slowly and smoothly at first, in deference to Severus, he was sure. Severus continued to groan, letting the undulations at the back of his throat tickle Harry's sensitive head and drive him mad with pleasure. Severus began trying to bob his head up and down to establish a rhythm on Harry's cock, but was held back by his bonds. He let his head fall back to the stone and took a long, deep breath through his nose.

Harry stopped at the sound, and started backing out a little. "Are you oka-"

 _I'm fine, Harry. Don't stop,_ he instructed, and Harry complied with his professor's wishes for once, sliding fully back in and rocking gently back and forth, groaning loudly now, while staring into Severus' inky black-brown eyes. Severus locked eyes with the man who had taken control, who had actually managed to dominate the untamable Severus Snape, the man who was giving Severus such pleasure as he had never experienced, and tentatively began bobbing his head up and down Harry's length again, this time remembering the constraint on his throat. Timing his movements to his breath, which was coming quite fast now anyway, and restraining his movements to subtle changes in angle and depth, he watched with glee as Harry was taken by surprise at the efficacy of his actions. Harry began pacing faster and deeper, and Severus pushed himself against his bonds more and more to match the younger man's pace as they both disappeared into the sensations.

Severus didn't know when he had started bucking his hips, but he was desperate for release and he knew he was going to have it very soon without a single touch from either of them. He fell into foggy depths of pleasure faster and faster, the world swirling around him, his tongue swirling around Potter's cock, Potter swearing and moaning and groaning and Severus felt he was about to explode, that the entire world couldn't contain such intensity and now

his hips were bucking so hard and his head moving so far and so fast that he couldn't _breathe_ , and that was so unbelievably _erotic_ , he never would have imagined, and then the coil that was wound so tightly in his belly _snapped_.

He was shouting around Harry's thick cock as he bucked his hips one final time and cum erupted from him as wave after wave of arousal crested over his body, through his mind. His hips refused to return to cold stone, though, and his collar pressed harder and harder against his throat as he rode out his orgasm and he didn't care, he loved it and he couldn't feel anything else, it was too much, his vision went black, and he couldn't…

The next thing he knew, Harry was laying next to him, utterly spent himself, but alert enough to be gently smacking the side of Severus' face, trying to wake him. His bonds were gone, although to say that his shoulders were _sore_ was a grave understatement, and his throat was dry and scratchy as well, but he was fine. Utterly and thoroughly spent, but just fine.

"Why didn't you tell me when it got to be too much?" Potter asked in that annoyingly caring way that only he could.

"Bec…" Severus cleared his throat with a wince, and Harry conjured some water. He sipped it slowly, nodding his thanks, before sitting up and trying again. "Because it was not too much, it was perfect."

Harry did not like that answer. "Not too much?" he asked, incredulous. "Not too much?" he repeated, louder.

"Correct, Harry. That was…"

"Terrifying! Mad!" Harry raged. "I was about to cum when I realized that you'd gone limp underneath me! You're lucky I managed to pull out and cum all over your face and not down your throat, you would have choked! You could have died!"

"I would have died with cum on my chest and a cock in my mouth. After the life I've lived, Harry, that's a dream come true," he said with a bitter smile.

Harry tried to maintain his outrage, but was obviously having trouble. Severus took pity on the boy and added, "Well, we'll have to make sure you're not enjoying yourself quite as much as I am next time, Harry, so you can make sure I die a doddering old fool," he said with a genuine smile.

Harry's anger cracked and he let out a snort and fell back to the floor, roaring a full belly laugh. "Yes, you should die a doddering old fool- with cum on your belly and a cock up your ass, too."

After they'd cleaned themselves up, Harry broke out his cigarettes again, and they shared one in silence. It was almost gone when curiosity got the better of him and he asked, even though he knew he probably didn't want to know. "Was...was Ginny always…?

Harry chuckled a little. "A slut?" he asked, meeting Severus' eyes. "No, never." Harry was silent, reminiscing if Severus had to guess.

"Then…" Severus started the question, but then thought better of it and left it unasked.

He thought Harry was going to leave it as well, but after another few minutes he continued, "Not until Dumbledore was...when the Carrows… the Baby Death Eaters, they ruled the castle that year, and the Carrows egged them on. I'm surprised they didn't manage worse…"

"I couldn't…" Severus started weakly, his head hanging in shame.

"Severus," Harry started sharply, lifting Severus' head with a finger under the chin until they were staring eye to eye. "No one blames you for what they did. You had to hide, you had to pretend, or we wouldn't have won. He wouldn't be dead, and I wouldn't be alive; none of us would be alive. The whole wizarding world knows that, Sev. The whole Wizengamot saw the memories. We all understand now." Severus wanted to run away from the comfort of Harry's words, run from the hand placed reassuringly on his back, run from the tears burning behind his eyes. Run from regret. Run from stupid choices made a lifetime ago. But he stayed, and listened. He had to know what had happened to the girl. He owed her that much.

"Sometimes I kick myself for not taking her with us. Would I have been able to keep her safe? Probably not, I couldn't even keep 'Mione safe. And Ginny still had the trace on her, didn't she? I couldn't have taken her. I know that, but I still keep coming back to that. Keep punishing myself for not being able to keep her safe. But she doesn't blame me. And she doesn't blame you, either, Severus." He tried to turn his head away, but Harry's gentle finger under the chin turned into a strong grip over Severus' jaw, making him face those words. "I'm not just saying that, Sev. We've talked. If Umbridge could figure a way into The Room of Requirement, we all know who it must have been to keep the Carrows and their Babies out of there, Severus. I don't know, maybe you had help, but I don't think so. I don't think you would have showed your cards even to McGonagall, it would have been too dangerous. Ginny is _thankful_ for everything you did, for everything you've _always_ done."

When Harry finally released his hold on Severus' jaw, the older man turned his head forward again and stared at a spot on the floor of the classroom and sighed. "I have to know, Harry. What happened to Ginny that year?"

"What good will it do, Sev? It won't change the past."

"Harry, please. I need to know."

"It's not my story to tell. If you want to know, you should ask her, Severus."

"No! Never that. I couldn't…" Severus had to work to hold back a sob.

"But you have to know? So that you can feel worse? So that you can wallow in more self-pity and keep punishing yourself?" Harry asked critically.

Severus' breath hitched before he replied, "No...no. Because I lived in comfort. Because I was safe, and warm, and strong. Because I could defend myself, and she could not. Because I couldn't protect her, when that was my _job_ , Harry."

"Severus, your job was to keep us _alive_ ," came Ginny's voice from a dark corner. She stood, approaching. Severus was horrified at her sudden appearance, and Harry explained.

"When you started asking. Earlier, when you...when you entered my mind, I saw a little of you, too. You didn't think I was aware, but I have lived in that moment for over a year now. I had a little bit of myself to spare, and I saw. So I asked Ginny to come here, when you started asking a few minutes ago. We're really quite close to Gryffindor here, you know," Harry added with a smirk.

"Harry's right, Profess...Severus," she added, coming closer and sitting down near Harry, in front of Severus. "I only blame Voldemort, and the Carrows, and the Baby Death Eaters. I only blame the ones who attacked us, who tortured us. The ones who…" Harry reached out and put a reassuring hand on her knee. She took a deep breath before continuing.

Towards the beginning, before we went into hiding in the Come and Go Room, the Babies got more and more...vicious. At first it was just hexing in the hallways, getting jumped and roughed up in the bathrooms between class, that kind of thing. I have 6 brothers, Severus, and I am the youngest. Fred and George taught me every hex I would ever need to know, and I spent a lot of time my first year learning all the hexes I didn't need to know. I. Can. Defend. Myself.

"You need to know that, ok? We all knew how to fight, Harry made sure of that. We _did_ fight. I think that's why they got worse, actually. Because we fought back."

"And because everyone knew that she was my girlfriend, she got it worse than most," Harry added.

"Neville got it really bad, too, Harry. I wasn't the only one to get roughed up. I didn't get any broken bones, remember. But...one day, after Charms, I went into the girls' and they followed me. I was cocky, really. At that point, it was clear that we shouldn't be going anywhere alone, that we should have each other's backs. But I was way better than the Babies were, and I'm fast. So I was stupid and went to the loo by myself and they cornered me in a stall with my drawers down, and...there were just too many of them, and I couldn't pull my wand fast enough to even get a single hex off. They surrounded me, all pointing their wands at me, jeering and laughing. They told me they would either kill me or I could cooperate."

Severus was ghostly white, hearing the horrors that the young girl had endured. He shut his eyes once more against burning tears so he was startled when he felt a small hand resting on his knee. "Severus, that's not the end. I found a way, I did fight back. I decided right then, surrounded by all of them, saying that they would kill me or rape me that they wouldn't do either. So _I_ fucked _them_." Severus snapped his head up, confused, and looked her in the eyes. "Yes, Severus, I never let them _rape_ me. I let go of all of my fear and anger just...started sucking cocks, one after another. They kept coming for me, too, for most of the year, they just either cornered me or told me where to show up, and I would. I shielded some of the other girls that way, too. If I was always willing, they didn't need to attack anyone else, Severus. You see?"

She sat up on her knees and scooted close to severus and placed her delicate hands on the sides of his face. Looking straight into his eyes, she said, " We all fought Voldemort. We all did, and none of us should regret _anything_ we did to survive. _To win._ " And then she placed a sweet, chaste kiss on Severus' lips.

 _Anything to forget, indeed_ , Severus thought to himself as he stared into the blazing fire, slowly stroking himself.

* * *

Ok, so this is the direction I'm going with this. And yes, there will *always* be more Lemony goodness and more Snarry mixed with Snarr(n)y. I'm of course open to suggestions- let me know what you'd like from our favorite trio, please! Can't wait to read your comments.


	6. Chapter 6

Hello, all! I'm sorry for the long delay, but I wanted to get this chapter just right. I hope you like it!

As per usual, I adore JK and do not own her creations. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? Also lots of Snarr(n)y in this chapter, but rest assured that there will continue to be both Snarr(n)y and Snarry action in this story!

Man cannot live on bread alone, as they say...please REVIEW! I'm inspired by your comments and tend to write more when I get feedback.

Thank you! Hope you enjoy...

Severus gave a deep sigh when he heard a knock on the classroom door. He was in his office, which adjoined both the classroom and his private quarters. Students rarely came to him outside of classes in the first place, and almost no one knocked so close to curfew. "Malfoy," he muttered pushing his silky black hair off his face. He stared down at the stack of parchments and the row of potions that needed to be graded tonight; he was so far behind in his work. Between Madam Pomfrey needing to replenish the basic healing potions now that the quidditch season was in full swing and all the extra work he was piling on his students, he hadn't had any time for brooding. In the best of circumstances, it would wear his patience thin, but it was not the best of circumstances.

He was tired of consoling his godson. He did care deeply for the boy, and he understood that spending the last two years under The Dark Lord's thumb had taken a terrible toll on the boy, but gods, he was no counselor. And he had other…things…he needed to brood over. When a second knock sounded, Severus threw down his quill in frustration and strode quickly to the door.

"Yes, Draco?" he said, throwing the door open. He tried to sound less aggravated than he felt, and he succeeded by sounding only _very_ aggravated.

"And good evening to _you_ , Godfather," Draco replied stoically as he strolled in. Severus reached for the door to pull it shut when he caught a whiff of… _something_. He peered around into the hallway, but decided to dismiss his concern. He closed the door, locking and warding it before returning to his office to grade parchments.

Draco took up his usual spot in the classroom, sitting on the floor against the wall across from the door. He took out a small ball modeled after a muggle rubber ball and began bouncing the infernal thing against the walls, desks, ceiling. It really was a marvelous charm; the ball would take the initial impact vector and adjust it no more than 10 degrees at a time and continue to bounce around the room until it reunited with its origin. He loathed to admit it, but the Weasley twins really had for ingenious ideas and talent to produce workable products.

He shook his head as if to dislodge any positive thoughts of the red-headed clan from his brain. Of course, this only brought on images of long red locks dancing back and forth as Ginny shook her head in pleasure. _Get it together_ , he chided himself, trying to regain focus on his tedious work.

Eventually, Draco stopped his monotonous play and came to Severus' office, taking a seat opposite his Godfather. He pulled a book out of his schoolbag, opened, it and began reading. At least he was reading from his transfiguration text; if Draco asked one more question about magical history, Severus was fully prepared to scream. As it was, Draco studied silently for another hour, placed the book back in his bag, and exited the classroom.

Severus renewed the locks and wards on the doors before drawling in his signature sneer, "You can come out now, Potter, Weasley."

"Gods, I thought he'd never leave," Ginny stated with a sigh of relief as she emerged from under Harry's invisibility cloak. "It was getting really uncomfortable under there."

Harry was already packing his cloak in his schoolbag at the far end of the classroom where he and Ginny had been waiting in silence when Severus looked up with a bored expression. "And to what do I owe the pleasure of this…unwelcome visit?"

"Oh, there will be pleasure, Severus," Ginny giggled with a sly look as she sauntered through the classroom.

"I think that you, Miss Weasley," he replied with feigned disinterest as he continued marking scrolls. Are greatly mistaken." He marked the parchment in front of him "T" without more than a cursory glance and moved on to the next.

"And why is that, dear _Professor_?" Gods, how he hated the way that Harry said _Professor_ ; it made Severus both aroused and nauseated. "Why have you been ducking us?"

Severus expelled a forceful breath and smacked his pen down on the desk, standing abruptly as he approached the teens. "Do you really think that my actions of late have been directly and specifically aimed at the two of you? What do you think I am, that I have nothing better to do than to avoid the…attentions of two miscreants? That I couldn't possibly be busy grading exams, supplying the infirmary with potions, presiding detentions, and going about my duties as Deputy Headmaster of this school?" He was really beginning to feel his indignation now. He'd been preparing this speech for a few days, but he'd been concerned that he wouldn't be able to deliver it with the appropriate amount of vehemence with green eyes staring and red hair taunting him.

"Potter, I expected rank arrogance from you, but you continue to surprise me; you would to ascribe yourselves importance as to have meddled in my daily thoughts any more than as nuisances in my classroom? How dare you!" He could feel his body fall back into its familiar pattern of rage; his right hand clenched around his wand, his left into a fist; he lowered his voice to nothing more than a growl and his face screwed up into a scowl. As he began leering at them even his hair fell into its proper place as a curtain over his harsh features.

"Are you quite done yet, Severus?" Harry asked with a bored expression. "Because if you are, then we can skip all of this and get to the point."

"And what point is that, exactly?" Severus responded harshly. He really was angry now; in his head, his practiced fierceness should have already chased the two cubs back to their Gryffindor den.

"That we wanted to see how you were doing," Ginny spoke up softly, and gave a shy smile when Severus pinned her with a glare.

"Last week was really intense," Harry added.

"For all of us." Ginny began making slow progress towards Severus, who seemed to be frozen by Ginny's words. He was horrified that he hadn't yet moved, horrified that Ginny's hand now rested on his forearm.

Blinking hard, Severus shook his head and wrenched his arm away from Ginny and stalked back to his desk. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said quietly and sat down.

He dared a glance at the two of them; Harry seemed gob smacked, but he thought Ginny had a knowing look, a softening of her features. "Now, if you'll excuse me," he began, his voice devoid of acid. "I have scro-"

"I'm sorry, Professor," Ginny broke in a little more assertively. Severus stopped, chilled to the bone by the sincerity of her tone, the truth in her features. His silence was all the permission the girl needed.

"Harry had no right to bring me there, that night. You deserve your privacy. After everything, after the Wizengamot…" She looked lost for a second. She looked for all the world like a scared little girl, standing in front of Platform 9 ¾, unsure of the future, unsure of her next move. She looked for all the world like Lily Evans in that moment, and standing next to the very image of James…

Severus cast his head downward in silence and went back to grading scrolls.

"But you tried to make me a victim to add to your guilty conscience. I had no choice; I won't be anyone's victim, especially not yours, Professor." Severus continued scanning essays. "I had to make you see. But if you're too _Gryffindor_ to understand, well then, I guess we'll just get-"

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Severus asked in a level tone.

"It means you're being a right _git_ , is what it means, _Profess_ -"

"Harry, please, you're not helping," she said calmly. She padded over to Severus' desk, around it, she was standing next to him now. Severus gulped at her overwhelming presence and the scent of her that lingered in her hair, that beautiful floral scent. He clenched his pen in frustration, confusion. She placed her hand on his back, her other on his forearm. He could see the long, delicate fingers, the fine, smooth pale skin of her hand, her small wrist. "It means you've been clinging to guilt for so long that you know nothing else. You have been freed from the guilt that plagued you over the death of Lily."

At the mention of his love, Severus tried to shy away from Ginny's touch, but she gently gripped the Potion Master, asking him to consider her words. "And now, you look for some other guilt to bear, because you _want_ to feel guilty," she continued.

"I _want_ to feel guilty?" he broke in. "Really, girl, how did you come to that concl-"

"Stop." She interjected softly. Severus complied; why he did not know. "Because you do not know what else to fill yourself with. You feel hollow so you reach for what you know." She crouched down next to Severus and looked up at the proud features hidden beneath black curtains. "But this is poison, Severus, and you know it." She waited, seemingly content with the silence.

"It is what I deserve." He felt the words as they passed his lips. He did not remember willing the words forth, but he knew they were true. "Poison."

"Then let me be your Bezoar." As those perfect words swirled throughout Severus being, Ginny brought her right hand up to cup his face and stare into his deep burnt umber eyes. She gently guided him to shift back in his chair and moved to straddle his knees. She placed sweet, gentle kisses on his roughly shaven cheeks and pulled the man out of agony and into her welcoming embrace.

The knock on the door the following night did not surprise Severus. Well, of course he was not surprised by Draco's presence, but when he smelled sweet floral wafting in after the Slytherin, he did not wonder at its source.

Minutes seemed to pass as slowly as hours tonight; he really was going to have to figure out how to help Draco or he'd never have another moment's peace. "It's getting late, Draco," he said flatly to the silent blond reading a book on charms. As it was well past curfew, Severus knew Draco would broker no argument. As expected, the boy placed his book in his bag, moved his chair back to its original position and exited silently.

"Am I to expect this intrusion every evening henceforth?" he asked dryly after he'd re-warded and re-locked the room. "Or is there some matter of great urgency that brings you here tonight? Again?" Severus didn't have to stretch too far to find a nice baseline-irritated timbre to his voice. After all, he was curious. Irritated, but curious.

"What's up with Malfoy? I mean, does he always come here at night?"

"I could ask you the same question, _Mr. Potter_ ," he said in a lilting drawl.

Harry threw up his hands at his feint.

"We came here tonight, Severus," she began, drawing out the name in an intoxicating manner, "because you boys had your fun already this week…" she continued, sidling up to Severus. She placed a hand on his chest and slowly drew her eyes up towards his face. "…but I never got mine."

"And by some ridiculous teenage logic, you believe that you should seek a teacher every time you find yourself…frustrated…?" Severus finished with an ever-so-slight sneer. Obviously I will consult with the Headmistress immediately to see how she would typically deal with such an…incident." Severus felt calmed by his sarcastic banter, but could see no way to feel at ease. He would simply escort them out of his office and out of his classroom. As Severus shifted his weight to do just that, Ginny spoke again.

"No, I came _here_ , _Severus_ , because I find you…" she paused, feigning an attempt to find the right word. "Irresistibly erotic."

Severus choked out a laugh at that and chose to sit back into his chair. "Is that so?" he asked, surprised by his own curiosity.

"Yes, _Severus_ ," she said as she advanced on him once more, this time leaning her hands on the arms of his chair and arching her back so that her chest puffed out and her breasts strained at the fabric of her school uniform.

 _Gods, the way she says my name…_ "What do they say, Harry? 'You're barking up the wrong tree' is it?" Severus laughed, meeting her eyes instead of seeking her proffered chest. He chanced a look over at Harry who was leaning against the wall in the corner of his small office, not bothering to hide his smirk.

"I don't think so, Sev," she replied with a knowing smile as she maneuvered to straddle his knees.

"And why not? I do believe I am the expert of my own sexual preferences, dear girl." Severus relaxed his posture, deciding to play Ginny's little game.

"First," Ginny started, winding a hand up Severus' chest, around his neck, tangling it in his hair, "From what Harry said-"

"Let's keep Harry out of this, please," Severus stated flatly with finality, pinning the boy with an icy glare for his betrayal. "Next?"

Severus was actually surprised when Ginny produced a second reason, but he should have known Harry's little lioness had quite the snake-like instinct. "Second, I've kissed you. Twice. I know you wanted more."

"No doubt you realized that those were both quite chaste, I'm sure you also noticed that I did not repay the favor. Next," he insisted with feigned disinterest.

"You have an interesting definition of 'chaste,' _Professor_ , perhaps you should look it up?" she quipped. "Regardless," she continued before Severus had a chance to argue the point, "there is a third reason."

"And this reason is…?" Severus asked casually. He was really quite enjoying himself. Ginny was nothing like he expected. _Definitely nothing like The Great Fucking Chosen One smirking over there in the corner_ , he thought, allowing himself a glance to the corner.

"The third reason. _Sir_." Severus noted that she seemed to punctuate her statement with glee… "Is here between us right now," she finished triumphantly, casting a glance down towards Severus' burgeoning erection.

"Bullocks." He sighed, casting his glance around, looking for neutral ground and finding none. He indicated for Ginny to get up, then stood and retreated to the back door of his office, unlocking it and striding through, leaving the door ajar. "I need a drink to deal with this." Knots tumbled around his stomach fighting for space with butterflies and lead weights. He'd never let anyone into his personal quarters before, except Albus, and _that_ had only been for the protection his protective wards and enchantments afforded. Even Minerva had only been allowed as far as his office and had never even caught sight of the modest sitting room just behind this door. The door that he'd just left open for two unruly teen lovers. _Smart move, Severus. Way to think with your head_ , he chided himself at his rash decisions of late regarding these two. Done was done, and here they all were.

At the very least, due to his infrequent visits from Albus he had more than one seat available. Each time the old man had come to visit, the man would conjure furniture and rearrange Severus' carefully laid out sitting room, ruining the feel that Severus worked so hard to achieve. Every time.

Eventually, Severus had stopped banishing the conjured items and instead found a way to make them work. He changed the style of the furniture, the fabric, the shape of the coffee table, and the basic layout that Albus seemed to prefer, but he'd kept the premise to appease the man and save himself the frustration. Severus' favorite chair still faced a roaring hearth fire, but he had added a little sitting area behind his favorite reading chair. Albus had seemed extraordinarily pleased that the overly-worn overstuffed armchair he favored had been transformed into a sleek high-backed unit upholstered in a plush, deep blood-red velvet riveted in brass and featuring elaborately carved wooden arms and legs of deepest brown.

After he'd designed that piece, a moderate sized sofa had been easy to design, this time covered in the most luxurious cream colored silk in a damask jacquard, and the rest of the room had coalesced over the next months. That was all ancient history now, and the old fool would never again sit in that chair…

Severus busied himself preparing drinks at the tall bar table situated along the wall opposite the sofa, nestled in between rows and rows of bookshelves. He'd chosen Glenlivet for tonight, a moderately priced Scotch Minerva had recommended years ago when he'd mentioned a passing interest in the drink. He poured Harry and Ginny one finger, and himself a generous two before adding a splash of water to each glass.

Severus handed Ginny the two glasses of scotch he'd poured for them and turned back to the bar. He downed the contents of his glass in one long, burning pull. He set the glass down on the bar, bracing himself on the wall with his left hand. Sighing deeply, he hung his head and poured himself another two fingers. He didn't want to turn around. He didn't want to face the two teenagers. He hated uncertainty, and he'd hardly been more unsure of what was going to happen next. Standing in front of the Dark Lord, he would live or he would die. His story would be accepted or he would be tortured. He always known what he faced and he was not afraid to die. Now, however...

Severus laughed at himself. _I'm not afraid to die, but I'm afraid to live, aren't I?_ He thought about how hard he had fought, fought for the lives of those around him, for those he despised, for those he did not know. He'd even fought for the dead, but he had never fought for _himself_ , he realized; he had never fought for his _own_ life. _What life?_ For the moment he'd lost himself in his musings.

He jumped when he felt a hand come to rest on his lower back; Ginny slowly moved her hand up his back, over his shoulder. She brought her other hand up his left arm, to his shoulder. Severus froze as the girl, ever so carefully, began removing his teaching robes, slowly lifting them off of his shoulders, guiding them down his arms. Severus felt so open, exposed. She tossed the robes over Severus' chair by the fire, and placed her hands on Severus' back again. He trembled as she brought her delicate hands around him, over his sides and slowly up his chest. Her body was pressed against his now, and he trembled at her touch. She rested the side of her face against his back and began working the buttons on his shirt.

He shut his eyes tight and fought to keep control of himself, but the alcohol he'd pounded was making it difficult. His heart was pounding, beats coming faster and faster as Ginny worked each button slowly, carefully, before sliding her hands a little further down, each time a little farther down.

She came to the last button, tucked neatly into his trousers behind his belt. The girl simply slid her fingers under the belt, retrieving the rest of the fabric. She did not slip her hands down very far, and for that Severus was glad. He wasn't sure he could do this. With anyone. That night with Potter was different, it was a fluke. And Ginny was a _woman;_ he had never been with a woman, not properly; he'd used Narcissa from time to time, but that was different. That was about putting Lucius in his place, not about… _intimacy_. He'd never had intimacy with anyone, only when he'd fantasized about Lily. He'd dreamt of laying with her on a blanket spread under a tree by the lake, holding her, caressing her. Kissing her.

But that was long ago, and a schoolboy crush. That had never happened; far from it. Pain and sweat mixed with pleasure. Power, humiliation. Men with hunger in their eyes and taut muscles, not little girls with flowy hair and pretty dresses. He was not interested in softness, in grace, in kind tenderness.

Yet he could not deny his arousal.

Everything he was feeling, the conflicting brokenness and desire, the complicated _simplicity_ , it all raged through Severus, and it was all elicited from this girl's elegant touches. His muscles tensed uncomfortably as Ginny slid her hands up the bare skin of his sides, slowly, always slowly, she explored him with her fingers. As she worked her way back to his shoulders, over top of his now open shirt, he reached for his glass and took a long sip. He tried to bring his focus on the beautiful flavors of the scotch brightening on his tongue, tried to gather his scattered self, even if only for a moment. He followed the crisp burning sensation as it moved to the back of his throat, down, down, settling in the pit of his stomach.

Ginny slid his white shirt off his shoulders, down off his arms and it joined his robes on the chair to his right. He braced himself for the gasp, the pitiful tears; he'd even received shrieks of horror before. His muscles coiled, ready to round on the teenager, ready to throw her out, kick them both out. He readied himself to spend the night rebuilding old walls.

He felt her soft lips touch the jagged scar on his left shoulder, her fingers trace set of thin white lines running from under his left shoulder blade down towards his hip. She kissed and touched them all. Severus warred with himself; he wanted so desperately to retreat from her kindness, to lock away his emotions and forget that what Ginny was doing _meant_ something, to make this purely physical. To force _sense_ into this. He resisted, he did not know why.

Maybe he was tired of carrying around the wounds of a boy abused, hurt at his father's hands. Maybe he was ready to receive the kindness he had never known, aside from Lily's friendship. Maybe he was getting soft in his old age; perhaps he was becoming feeble and incapable of maintaining the proper disconnect between childish needs and physical desires. Thoughts continued to swirl though Severus' mind, and he felt himself breaking, breaking, breaking at Ginny's tenderness.

He felt a light pressure on his right arm; he turned into it, coming to face her. He kept his gaze down and to the left, staring at the fire. He did not want to look at her, to see her standing in front of him, to see her watching him. He felt that with one glance she would become the most powerful legilimens in the world: she would see right through him. She would see _him_ , and he couldn't allow that. He'd hidden himself from everyone, always, since Lily. Their broken friendship had simply been too much for his younger self; he had never wanted to feel that way again, and even still. He had locked himself away, his true self, when she had rejected him. He had joined The Dark Lord and never opened himself to anyone again.

Now, as this wisp of a girl with the beautiful cascading flames stood before him he was afraid. She traced the scars on his arms, his chest, some from his childhood, others from his time as a death eater, still more from himself or from his perverse ideas of pleasure. She attended to each of them before coming to most hideous of them all. She slid her hand down his right arm, her eyes intent on its path. Gently, she pulled his wrist towards her. He resisted. His whole body tensed and he tried to pull away from her, to escape her scrutiny. Her grip tightened, just enough to impede his flight. She placed a finger under his chin, guided his face back from the depths of his shame. She brought his eyes to meet hers. He watched in pure agony as she brought his arm to her lips and gently kissed the tattoo there. Again, he tried to pull away from her, but her grip and her gaze were strong as iron. After an eternity of torturous tenderness, she released his arm, instead placing a hand on the side of his face, bringing her lips to meet his. Severus chided himself for feeling the awkwardness of a teenager, but he slowly released his judgement as Ginny deepened their kiss. He saw a shy smile bloom across Ginny's features and wondered why until he saw his hand stroking her hair. Exhaling tension, he wrapped the other hand about her waist and pulled her closer to him.

She accepted his increased fervor, parting her lips and tasting his tongue as he slid it past her soft lips and ran it over her teeth. He played with the tip of her tongue again, tasted her bottom lip. She grasped his bottom lip in her teeth in return. His arousal was stronger now, much stronger. He wanted her, wanted to map out her body, wanted to touch her pale flesh. He wanted to cup her breasts and suck her nipples. To make love to her slowly, gently. Tenderly. He began working the buttons of her jumper, breaking their kiss long enough to rid the girl of the sweater and her shirt, leaving her in her bra and skirt. Liquor swirling in his brain, desire flooded him as at sight of her pale flesh beneath his hands. He didn't realize what was happening until Ginny had led him down the hallway towards his bedroom.

He indicated the door on the left and they entered. Her eyes only left his briefly, orienting herself towards the luxurious bed against the far wall, before her gaze returned to his. She led him by the hand until she had backed herself against the mattress. She bent over and removed her shoes and socks carefully, placing them under the night table neatly before climbing on the bed. Severus did the same with his socks and shoes, and only as he stood up noticed Harry had taken a seat on the chair that accompanied his writing desk, which was situated along the side wall near the blazing hearth fire. Severus chided himself; he was losing the sharp focus that had kept him alive for so many years; he'd forgotten the boy was in his quarters at all. Ginny broke his train of thought, though, grabbing his hand and bringing him to lie on the bed next to her. The awkwardness he felt fed a hyperawareness of Ginny's body, of her proximity. As he settled on his back next to her, he felt the heat of her bare arm along his own, felt the light pressure of her thigh barely touching his.

Ginny propped herself up on her side and continued her torturously slow and delicate exploration. Fierce pain flashed through his neck as he realized where she was going next. Calling the bite mark on his neck a scar was a joke; Nagini had taken her pound of flesh with that near-fatal bite, leaving an unnerving crater where flesh had been and where snake venom had liquefied the skin around the area nearly completely. Through the talents of St. Mungo's staff and his own healing potions the wound had eventually closed and healed over, but the skin there would always be shinny and taut, with blotches of too-red and too-pale skin. And there was simply nothing to be done for the missing flesh. The tight, painful skin contoured an oddly shaped crater, deeper in the farthest edges where the snake's giant fangs had pierced him viciously.

There was always pain there, but just thinking about Ginny touching it sent shocks of fire rippling across the surface of the crater. Severus closed his eyes, clenched his jaw, and sucked in a quick, steadying breath, trying to brace himself for her touch. He felt Ginny drape her right leg over his, lay her now-bare chest against his. He felt her breath on his chin, her dancing hair on his face. Severus squeezed his eyes tight, readying for that familiar rasping, grating burn of his scar. He could feel a subtle tingle of magic now, and his breath caught in his throat in surprise as her fingers brushed lightly along one ridge of the scar. Instead of searing pain, her magic was trailing numbness, like a mildly pleasant anesthetic. She continued to trace the hideous scar, leaving a lingering blissful emptiness where before was angry fire. When she'd finished she whispered ever so softly in his ear, "Not all magic is foolish wand-waving, Severus."

She kissed the center of the now-pleasantly numb crater and wave after wave of warmth spread through his body. The same magic that had turned pain into relief she now turned that calm tingle into blissful pleasure. The waves of warmth were so strong Severus had to bite his lip to keep from moaning audibly. He grabbed his new lover fiercely, kissing her with fervor, pressing her body against his own. He vaguely wondered when her bra had disappeared, but he was glad of its absence as he ran strong, calloused hands across the soft skin of her back, down her sides, across her back again.

Severus guided Ginny back down to the bed and rose to a crouch above her. He was beyond thinking about how unreal this all was, all thoughts of awkwardness gone, all trace of discomfort with Ginny's female form gone. Instead, hunger burned in his eyes as he looked at her pert breasts, her slender waist, her subtly contoured belly. Experimentally, he reached out and grasped one of her breasts. He ran a thumb over the nipple and she squirmed and grunted in response. Her breast was perfectly sized for his hand, so soft and supple. He leaned down and ran his tongue around the very edge of the areola, grinning at Ginny's shiver of pleasure. He swirled his tongue around her nipple a few times and she began to squirm deliciously. Very gently, he took the bud between his teeth, biting down just the slightest bit and began to roll it back and forth. Ginny was nearly thrashing at the experience, her hands bracing against the wall above their heads, her back arching a little underneath him. He snaked a hand down her body, over her belly, down, down, and began to palm her heat through her skirt.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck- f—fuck!" she cried loudly as Severus abused first one nipple then the other. Severus could only imagine how much Potter would be enjoying the show, but he resisted the temptation to turn and look.

When Severus finally released Ginny from his erotic abuse, Ginny grabbed Severus' shoulders and nudged him to the side. Severus laid back down onto the bed again and Ginny hastily unfastened his trousers, pulling off trousers and boxers alike, then unfastened her plaid skirt, pulling it off over her head as she climbed on top of Severus. Severus saw waves of desire hit Ginny as she regarded his lean, pale, scarred flesh. Her eyes filled with lust, her lips parted slightly, her breath coming in short, frequent pulls. Severus himself was getting lost in his desire for the girl in front of him; dressed only in a lacy, ivory colored panties, hovering over his naked body with his arousal standing proud between them, he jerked his hips a few times, almost involuntarily. Coming out of her reverie, Ginny braced her arms on either side of Severus' head and began sliding her lace-covered heat over his swollen member.

The rough lace slick with her wetness chafed along his length, sucking the breath out of his lungs, pulsing tortured pleasure throughout his entire body. Severus ran a hand down between them, quickly dipping a finger in her wet cunt. Ginny convulsed just a little at the intrusion but waited for Severus. He moved his finger in a slow circuit of her entrance and then withdrew it, bringing it to his own lips. As he darted his tongue out to taste her, she gave a long, deep groan. He gave a sly smile as she sat back on his hips and grabbed her panties and jerked them to the side, sliding onto Severus' cock.

As she took him to the hilt, it was Severus' turn to growl a response. He'd been with women before, namely Narcissa, but on the odd occasion he did fuck her, he never fucked her cunt. It was always in his play room, and he used her only as a means of dominating Lucius, never as a lover. With Ginny, he quickly realized that fucking a plaything and _being fucked_ were two completely different things. This was not a show of power and dominance, but an intense experience of mutual desire and pleasure.

That in itself was new to Severus, but then there was her cunt. The sensations, the _textures…_ his head kept spinning faster and faster with everything _new_. Ginny was rocking back and forth at a good pace, sliding onto his length, clenching and bucking her hips just a little right as she took him to the hilt, just to slide off of his engorged cock slowly, smoothly. Her wanton passion, her love of sex was incredible. Her breasts bounced just enough, her lips parted with grunts and moans of pleasure, her eyes were heavily lidded.

"Fuck, Sev, your cock…" she sucked in a quick breath, scrunching up her pretty face. "God, you're so _big_ , Sev," she moaned as she continued her ministrations. She leaned forward, nuzzled her head against Severus' neck and began kissing him as she fucked him wildly now. She grabbed a nipple and squeezed it roughly, twisting it hard. Severus grunted and bucked his hips, his need matching her own wild pace.

He was fisting the sheets now, and she was leaning back against his knees again, fingernails digging into his thighs painfully. Severus almost didn't notice the light dip in the mattress, but then Harry was on top of him, forcing his cock down Severus' throat before he was ready. He hadn't taken more than a shallow gasp of air before Harry had started fucking his mouth, and now the boy laid over Severus' belly, further restricting Severus' breathing.

Ginny began crying out wildly; Severus' guess that Harry had started licking her clit which was soon confirmed as he felt Harry's tongue on his own cock as it slid in and out of Ginny. There was so much going on that Severus couldn't pick out any one sensation. He gagged at Harry's long dick hitting the back of his throat as he began to get light headed from the restriction of his breathing. He reveled in the salty musty taste of Harry's cock, the silky skin of Harry's balls giggling on his cheeks, eyes, nose. Harry's tight, puckered hole begged for attention right before his eyes. His cock hadn't ever received so much attention, either. Ginny was clamping down on him hard now, all the folds and silky textures driving him to the edge of sanity, and now Harry had two fingers wrapped around the base of Severus' cock and squeezed impossibly tight, engorging it almost painfully and keeping the prospect of orgasm at bay. He sucked and licked and swallowed at Harry's cock while his own was fucked and squeezed and licked.

Severus moaned around Harry's cock, causing Harry to still momentarily before bucking in and out of Severus' mouth in a quick rhythm once again. Ginny suddenly cried out loudly and her sopping pussy clenched down on Severus forcefully. Harry released the base of Severus' cock and an orgasm ripped through him immediately. He jerked and bucked in uncomfortable pleasure each time Ginny's walls closed in on his length as he spilled his seed inside her heat. He pushed Harry's hips to one side, getting rid of Harry's cock so that he could breath. Harry landed softly on the bed beside Severus who breathed deeply and closed his eyes at the calmness of release, at the completion.


	7. Chapter 7

Usual disclaimers apply- if you recognize it, it's not mine...

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He awoke with a start: he could feel the bed moving slightly. He kept his eyes closed, his instincts in control. He needed more information; he would try to figure out where he was and who else was with him before choosing how to proceed.

He smelled something… _familiar._ Sweet. And a hint of musky, earthy…? There was hardly any noise, but he heard a faint rustling of cloth. Though his eyes were closed, there was too much ambient light to be anything but morning. Severus did a quick body scan; he knew that he wasn't injured, but he could feel a mild soreness setting into his body. His mouth was horribly dry. He was laying on his side with his face close to something solid, he could tell by the warmth he felt on his cheeks every time he exhaled. His arm…his arm was laying on something vaguely warm. He felt like he was laying on something actually quite comfortable…

If he'd been found out and captured, well, he certainly had imagined that it would have been a lot worse than whatever was going on now, that was for certain. His head throbbed horribly; now that he had ascertained that he didn't seem to be in any immediate danger, his burst of adrenaline had faded enough for the thudding pain in his head to become momentarily overwhelming.

As he gently clamped down on his pained, scattered mind, rational thought began to reassert itself. He was very familiar with this particular feeling in his head. This was his You-Drank-Too Much-Firewhisky-You-Dolt Hangover Headache. Otherwise known as Saturday Morning. And most Sunday Mornings, if he was being honest with himself.

An image of a Firewhisky bottle flashed though his mind, causing his alcohol addled brain to immediately recall his dreams of drinking and kissing and sex. And, just as quickly, realize that the wet dream of teenagers had not been a wet dream. He had really done those things with- yes. It made sense now, the smell of her hair as it brushed against his cheeks while he was kissing her. His arm… _mmmmmmmm… I could get use to this_ \- his arm currently rested atop Harry Fucking Potter. A sliver of a moment of clarity-

There were two people with him.

In bed.

In his bed, where he slept.

Where they had all slept.

Together.

After they had…

No, he couldn't think of that, he couldn't afford to-

Severus shifted his hips unconsciously, too groggy to realize that he'd just ground his burgeoning erection into Harry's backside.

Gods, he wanted to fuck that ass…

 _Wait. What did I just do? Fuck. FUCK!_ He froze. If he thought about it, he knew that pretending to be asleep wasn't a lasting solution to the problem at hand and that at some point he would have to say something, do something- _do things…_ \- other than close his eyes tighter.

"And good morning to you too, Severus," Harry said coyly to the man as he removed his lips from Ginny's pale flesh.

Severus was horrified when Potter wiggled his ass and scooted closer, pressing against Severus' now fully erect manhood. Worse, they were both naked, apparently. And- _Ooohhhhhhh-_ and worst of all, it felt so good… Snape cringed when he caught himself grinding against the man again, but, shamed as he was- _mmmmmmmmmm…-_ he couldn't quite bring himself to- emmmmmph- stop.

To get up.

Leave.

Go to the bathroom.

Yell!

 _Whatever you do, don't.._

"Somebody's up for trouble this morning, huh?" Harry asked with pure amusement as he reached his arm back over Severus and began massaging his ass and pushing, urging Severus to continue grinding and thrusting at his backside. Harry grunted and then began kissing Ginny, soft sounds of their affections hanging in the air. Severus took in a large breath and moaned, grinding again as he opened his eyes for the first time. The sight of Harry's tanned skin so close to his face made him gasp and recoil.

As he threw himself backward, a few powerful throbs of pain broke through his mental blocks, making the man wince sharply and press a palm to his forehead.

"Severus," Ginny scolded, "Don't you know? That's Harry's trademark headache, you can't use it without permission!" He dared a look, and yes, she was looking every bit as gleeful at her remark as she had sounded.

And suddenly he was fully awake and fully aware. He was in bed with two teenagers- _students_ \- and they were all of them were naked. and he had an erection. The entire situation flew into sharp focus. He was _awake._

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Hey, guys- thanks for reading! I know this chapter's pretty short, but did I have any other choice? It _had_ to stop here! lol I'm working on the next chapter already, but there is one thing you can do...REVIEW! Your comments really help motivate me to keep writing!


	8. Chapter 8

Hello! I apologize for the long wait, but I hope you like what I have for you!

As always, if you recognize it, it's not mine.

Please review! I'd like to know what you think, and if you have any ideas I'm eager to hear them!

{SSHPGW} {SSHPGW} {SSHPGW}

Severus rolled away from Harry and hit the floor with a painful thud. He vaguely heard Harry make some token remark to the effect of "are you alright" as Ginny erupted in giggles. Severus ignored them both as he got up and strode purposefully towards the bathroom.

He closed the door promptly and slumped against it. He ran his fingers through his messy hair as he tried to sort out the reality from the myriad of fantasies he'd had of late involving those two.

 _What the fuck did I do last night? How much did I drink?_ He sneered at the last question; _Too much. Obviously._

He stood slowly, avoiding his reflection the mirror above the sink. He grabbed the thin, plain cotton robe from the back of the door, covering himself before splashing some cold water on his face; only then did he dare look at himself in the mirror.

He looked just as sallow and greasy as always, he thought to himself. His eyes were sunken into dark circles, his lips were vaguely dry, and his hair needed a good wash. He was too pale, for once not just because he hardly ever ventured outside the castle but this morning because he was incredibly hungover. He was about to use the charm to clean his teeth and take care of morning breath when he realized that he didn't have his wand with him. In fact, he couldn't remember what had happened to it last night. He didn't know what had even happened to his _clothes_ last night. Exhaling deeply once more, he opened the door and strode purposefully towards the hallway.

"Severus, come back here," Harry moaned. Severus could hear the rustle of sheets that accompanied the words, and his imagination did a fine job of picturing what Harry was doing to entice him back to bed.

 _Not yet- no! I mean 'no.'_ He shook his head at the slip, chiding himself. _First, I need to be sober. Then I'll…deal with these two._ Priorities in order, he strode across the hallway into his private potions lab to a secure storage cabinet made of luxuriously dark, elaborately carved wood and delicate glass doors. He dropped the wards and opened the doors; the cabinet responded to his own inherent magic and not that of his wand, which came in very handy surprisingly often for Severus. He carefully reached for the back of the second shelf on the left and retrieved a small glass flask with a cork stopper. He pulled the potion out, its oily contents shimmering a beautiful purple in the low light coming in from the hall.

"What's that?" Harry asked quietly. Snape was briefly surprised at the intrusion, but Harry's presence was, in fact, fully one-half of the reason this potion was a necessity.

"A sobering potion," Severus responded curtly, not daring to look at Harry. Severus was right in guessing that his guest hadn't yet bothered to cover up.

"Yeah, you…well, you need that, I'm sure." Severus could hear the gleeful smirk in the student's voice. _No, I can't think of him as a student, not now. Not like this…_ He pulled the cork stopper and downed the entire potion in one long pull. Though he'd put his own finesse on the potion, he'd never quite gotten the bitter aftertaste out. Not surprisingly, the original taste was like oily burnt espresso, but he'd managed to tweak it until it tasted more like a bright, floral ale, but the bitterness at the end persisted. It was just as well, as he liked bitter beer, and as long as he imagined that's what he was drinking it wasn't too terrible.

The swirling confusion in his head abruptly stopped, his stomach instantly settled, and he was overwhelmed with the need to use the loo. Though he'd certainly tried, that particular side effect of the potion couldn't be avoided; the basic principle of a sobering potion and hangover cure was to cleanse the body of the offending toxins. Considering the other options for expelling said toxins- namely, either vomiting or immediately drenching your clothes in copious amounts of sweat, an urgent trip to the loo was a small price to pay.

He set the empty flask down on a workbench so that he'd remember to brew more of the potion. _This afternoon,_ he thought to himself, _as I'll likely need it tomorrow morning, as well._

He tried to slip past Harry quickly, concentrating on not gawking at Harry. _Don't look, no, he does NOT have amazing abs. Those shoulders are not masculine, or strong, or sexy. And thick, athletic thighs,_ he squeezed his eyes closed and clenched his teeth against an involuntary groan just at the thought of Harry's strong, well-muscled body.

Figuring he'd already passed Harry in the doorway, he breathed a sigh of relief and opened his eyes.

And just managed to avoid bowling over Ginny. He reached out his hands to catch the girl.

" _Professor_ ," Ginny cooed, gently grasping his forearms, encouraging the contact. "I didn't know you had it in you!"

He hadn't been aware that his body could send such an intense rush of heat through his skin, but he felt it climb his neck and threaten a bright red flush for his cheeks. Instead of catching her fall, he'd just grabbed her breasts, and Ginny was very much enjoying her professor's awkward reaction.

He disengaged from the perky redhead and headed rather quickly to the loo in the far corner of his bedroom. Discarded sheets, rumpled blankets and too many shoes under the bed triggered some of the more memorable highlights from the previous night. By the time he'd locked himself in the bathroom, the task before him had become significantly more difficult than it might have been a moment before.

Severus fought hard to choke down a moan as he grasped himself so that he could relieve the pressure in his bladder. He couldn't help but give a slow stroke on his rapidly hardening cock, then another. Grinding his teeth, he forced himself down from arousal and instead let the potion work its magic.

That dealt with, he tried to prepare himself for whatever absurdly arousing scene lay beyond the bathroom door. Quietly steeling himself, he opened the door.

To his great surprise, Pott- _Harry, I have to think of them as Harry and Ginny,_ he chided himself- had donned at least some clothing. Harry had opted for his boxers and Ginny had tossed on Harry's overlarge white button-down. _Not overlarge enough_ , he thought, unable to refrain from taking in the sight. He exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding; Severus was accustomed to having the upper hand in all situations, but here, now, he couldn't help but feel flat-footed and unprepared. _And underdressed. Definitely underdressed,_ he thought to himself. His sneer, his domineering personality, the aura of darkness that he worked so hard to maintain, those were typically enough to keep a position of strength in any situation, but observation, knowledge, and understanding, wisdom and cunning and strategy were his real talents. He came by these naturally, and had refined them since he had discovered how useful they could be as a child. Severus' overwhelming demeanor and quick mind had meant that he'd even felt solidly in control while kneeling in front of The Dark Lord. Now, however, standing in front of two scantily clad teenagers- _students_ \- he felt as if he were falling, falling, twisting and turning with no idea of up or down. He had no point of reference. He was… _unnerved._

His brilliant mind for cunning and strategy were of no use in this situation and if his menacing presence hadn't made a difference thus far it certainly had little hope of success now. Keen observation was simply making the situation more… _complicated_ for him as Ginny shifted her weight from one foot to the other, causing the hem of the shirt inching up slightly higher on one hip

Severus shook his head, trying to knock the image loose from his mind, but it was no use. Ginny was _still_ standing in front of him, the hem of the shirt now hitched up higher, as she had crossed her arms under her breasts. He could see the barest amount of the soft, curly fluff guarding her heat. His groin twitched and he realized he was leering at the girl. He was definitely not in control of this situation; he was standing in his own bedroom, in his own locked and warded quarters, feeling quite out of place.

The question of what to do or say next was answered for them all as a loud crack sounded in the hallway, followed quickly by another loud crack.

He answered the startled looks without really thinking; "Coffee?"

Still dressed only in a thin robe that was quickly becoming indecent, he watched Ginny stride down the hallway in front of him, firm cheeks teasing him from under Harry's shirt.

 _I said it from the beginning, I was right all along. Harry Potter is going to be the end of me._

He snorted at the ridiculousness of the situation, which drew two very intrigued glances.

Severus went directly to the tray the house elf left on his liquor cabinet and began fixing his coffee: one drop of his own version of Pepper-Up Potion, a dash of hazelnut essential oil, a bit of freshly grated nutmeg and one teaspoon of sugar. He brought the mug to his nose and inhaled deeply, the familiar scent comforting his frayed nerves. "Sugar? He asked after his first sip confirmed that his cup was perfect.

"Just black for me, thanks," Harry supplied.

"Three sugar, here, please," Ginny responded.

Severus grabbed two more mugs from the top shelf of the cart and obliged. Grabbing the two mugs for Harry and Ginny, he drew a steadying breath and turned around to face the two. They had taken up the two high-backed arm chairs arranged near the small sofa. Coffee delivered, he retrieved his own cup and took a seat on the sofa, staring intently at the contents of his own mug. Severus knew what must be said- well, he knew what the _outcome_ must be- but he had no idea where to start. He took a slow sip of coffee, searching for some kind of answer in the deep recesses of his mind.

He nearly choked on his perfect brew as the two teenagers moved in unison from the adjacent armchairs and planted themselves next to him on either side of the couch.

"Severus," Ginny started. "Of course we know what you're going to say."

"And we don't care," Harry supplied.

"I see, Mr. Potter, you must tell me who has been schooling you in Legilimency? Ms. Granger, no doubt?" He tried to infuse the remark with his usual snarky tone and snide smile, but he knew he was only partially successful.

"I don't need to read your thoughts to know you're freaked because we're an…because this is unconventional, Severus," Ginny replied.

Severus threw back his head and laughed; he was genuinely surprised by the Ginny's choice of words. "Unconventional? That's quite the unique take. No, Ms. Weasley, I would have chosen a different phrase, I'm afraid. So would the entire wizarding world." He chanced a brief glance at her; she seemed to pierce his bluster with a single glance and leave him bare before her. He felt his heart try pound its way out of his chest at his own vulnerability.

"Fuck them," Harry spat bitterly. Severus turned to his other side to see anger flashing though brilliant green eyes. "I already did what they wanted, I died just like Dumbledore planned. I killed for m- for them all. I won't be their pawn again, not after…" Harry drew himself up short and took a calming breath before finishing; "They can say whatever they want, I don't care."

"Well, now that The Chosen One has decided-"

"Don't," Ginny interrupted. "Severus, don't. That's not fair. You don't know what was like for him. You could never see it." She cast a reassuring look at Harry.

Harry spoke again, this time in a more even, measured tone. "What are they going to do? Kick us out of Hogwarts? We're all of age, and I really don't think I'm going to need any N.E.W.T.S. for whatever I do in the future."

"I thought you wanted to be an Auror? You do need to finish school for that."

"No, I don't want that anymore. I've had my fill of dark wizard catching, thanks. And Ginny's going to join the team at Hollyhead; Angelina spotted her playing at our last match and told her she could join whenever she wanted," Harry finished proudly.

"And you?" The boy cast a searching look at Severus. "I really can't imagine that you'd want to continue teaching us insolent brats forever? Wouldn't you rather set up a potions shop or an apothecary in Diagon Alley or something like that?"

"And besides, do you _really_ think they'd kick us all out just for shagging? The Board would faint at the notion of such a scandal getting out!" Ginny finished emphatically.

"So, I guess what we're saying is…" Harry began as he trailed his hand up the inside of Severus' thigh.

"What were you going to say?" Ginny finished, leaning in to touch her lips to the little sliver of chest uncovered by Severus' robe.

"I can't" Severus pleaded quietly, placing a hand over Harry's to stop the tempting advance. "Please, don't make this harder than it already is,"

Harry chuckled, topping Severus' hand and sliding them both hand farther up Severus' thigh until Harry had placed Severus' hand to rest atop his own erection. He gave a light squeeze through Severus' hand to tease Severus' arousal.

Severus felt Harry's hot breath on his ear. "I don't think that's possible, Sev." Warmth and wetness tickled the rim of his ear for a moment and Severus groaned through gritted teeth as Harry took Severus' earlobe into his mouth and began to tease it gently with lips, teeth, tongue. It was too much; he was losing control again.

"St- stop," Severus managed to croak out weakly. Harry and Ginny both let go reluctantly, sat back and watched him. Severus exhaled deeply and opened his eyes. He noticed that he was still holding his coffee cup. So he took a slow drink.

Harry burst out in a fit of laughter, and Ginny followed suit. After a beat, Severus couldn't help but smirk as he thought about the absurdity of the moment. He drank deeply of his perfect brew and settled his nerves. Harry and Ginny, he noticed, had followed suit and were now sipping at their own coffee.

"So when did you start caring about what everybody thinks?" Harry asked softly. When Severus didn't respond, Harry continued. "You've never cared what your students thought, never cared that everybody thought you were a death eater, a psychopath. You're not a nice person, not kind. You do what you want and damn the consequences."

Severus felt his mind harden as he defended against the insults the boy was hurling his way. _Except…_ he couldn't quite figure what he was missing.

"Except now. Except this." Harry gave a long pause and staring at the contents of his mug before continuing.

"You even agreed to kill Dumbledore, and the only thing that bothered you was _actually_ killing him, not that we all thought of you as a murder."

 _He's not insulting me_ , he realized. "Everyone already assumed I was a murderer, so what did it matter, what they thought?" Severus filled in.

"It only bothered you that you really _would_ _be_ a murder," Ginny supplied softly, placing a comforting hand on Severus' forearm.

"And that it was _him,_ the only man who ever believed in me, trusted me. He manipulated me, twisted me, and made me…made me kill him."

"Me too, Severus. He did that to me, too. He made me poison him with that potion, before…before the tower." The three of them sat in silence for a moment, sipping coffee and reminiscing on darkness.

"You're not murders. Neither of you," Ginny offered meekly.

"So I don't care anymore. Fuck them, the fickle little shits. They loved me, hated me, called me Chosen One, then fucking _hunted_ me. Now they want their perfect Golden Boy again? I won't, never again. I won't be their hero. And I won't stay away from the people I- I won't stay away from you, just for their sake. I don't fucking care about that. And neither should you."

Severus listened to Harry carefully, not daring to take his eyes from the coffee cup gripped tightly in his scarred hands. He hated to see the boy like this. Hated himself for the way he _wanted_ the boy who was like this, so passionate, so full of life, full of love…

"You're right. I don't."

It was barely a whisper and the sound escaping his own lips surprised him. "You're right, you insufferable brat," he tried for deep sarcasm, but he knew he'd landed squarely on witty banter. "I don't care." He finished his coffee in one long pull and placed the mug on the coffee table in front of him.

"Excellent," came the enthusiastic reply from Harry, who was suddenly straddling Severus on the couch and kissing him with as much passion as Severus had ever seen from the boy.

Severus allowed himself to relax into languid exploration. He began running his hands up Harry's toned arms slowly, gripping the strong muscles, feeling them flex under his own calloused fingers. Up, over broad shoulders, slowly down rippling back muscles. Severus slipped his hands underneath Harry's boxers and gripped the perfectly smooth skin, groaning as Harry rocked his hips into Severus' groin in response. Severus brought a hand to his lover's lips, and Harry eagerly sucked the proffered fingers and gave them a through lavage. Severus groin ached with igniting arousal.

Grabbing a fist of Harry's hair, he jerked the boy's head off his fingers, shifted his hips down a bit and slid his hand back down Harry's boxers, gently prodding the puckered opening he found. Harry grunted as the first finger slid in easily and was quickly joined by a second. Severus worked Harry's ass for a minute, stretching the muscles, gently stroking the skin, working around in circles. Harry had lost all ability to concentrate; he sat on Severus' lap, head thrown back, eyes squeezed tight, cock twitching lightly against Severus' groin. Severus shifted his arm down, under Harry's hip and began prodding Harry's prostate.

Pushed over the edge by Harry's desperate whimpers, Severus unceremoniously dumped his young lover on the couch beside him and ripped off Harry's boxers with one hard jerk.

He was taken aback for a moment. Harry lay spread out underneath him, need blazing through Harry's dilated pupils, a light sheen of sweat on well-developed chest, abs, thighs. The object of his desire lay before him, willing, wanting. Wanton. Severus swiped the precum from Harry's weeping head, mixing it with his own to wet his throbbing cock. Lining up with Harry's ass, Severus pressed the tip of his erection past the ring of tight muscles. Severus lost himself momentarily in bliss as he slid his aching cock deep inside Harry. Thoughts, images flew through his mind as he thrust his hips into Harry's ass over and over again. Watching Harry soar on his broom wearing his tight Quidditch robes. A smirk thrown over his shoulder at his friends. Cautious eyes shining through black fringe, sneaking a look at his professor from over a bubbling cauldron. Muscled torso standing between Ginny's smooth thighs, fucking her. The look of decadent bliss controlling chiseled features. As his mind saw Harry climax over and over, he felt Ginny's small hands grab his ass. Wave after wave of intense pleasure washed over him as he felt Ginny's velvety lips touching his hip, his ass. He felt one of her hands slide ever so slowly up the inside of his thigh. Tension was coiling in his belly tighter and tighter, Harry's every moan intensifying it. His whole body ached for release, but there was already so much pleasure, so much bliss in this moment, he couldn't let himself go. Not yet.

Ginny softly cupped Severus' scrotum, pulling the skin there and lightly massaging his balls. He knew he was about to break into a thousand pieces, but instead he broke into a million pieces when Ginny ran her soft, velvety tongue over his puckered opening. She licked and sucked at the rim and pushed the tip of her tongue past the entrance. Severus' vision narrowed and turned white and in that moment all he could feel was intensity, a million pieces of intensity. Muscles clenching, breath coming out in a desperate shout, belly releasing the tension that had built up.

He thrust into Harry once more and held himself there as he spilled his seamen inside of Harry. His vision was just beginning to clear when Ginny swapped her velvety tongue for a finger and prodded his prostate; he saw stars at the sensations she elicited, and if he'd been able, he would have come again. As it was, his muscles clenched even harder, his back arched, his feet clenched so hard that his heels lifted off the floor. Twice, three times she swiped at the gland before Severus lost all control of his body and collapsed over Harry.

He took in deep, ragged breaths, trying to still his dizziness and slow his mind. Exhaustion threatened to overtake him, but he pried his eyes open in time to see Ginny standing right beside him, pumping two fingers into Harry's hole and working his cock with smooth, quick strokes.

Harry didn't last much longer; from the fast, high-pitched cries that came from Harry's mouth, Ginny begun prodding Harry's sweet spot. Severus watched as the boy gripped the sofa for all he was worth and splattered hot cum all over it. Harry continued panting, groaning at the exquisite torture whenever Ginny flicked her hand up Harry's cock again. She pulled her fingers out of Harry's ass with one quick pull that was met with a groan of pleasure and loss from Harry, who collapsed as if Ginny's fingers had been the only thing that had kept him on his knees. She offered her sticky fingers to Severus' slightly parted lips.

The utterly wanton expression on Ginny's face made Severus act without thinking and he took her fingers began rolling them around in his mouth, licking them and sucking each of her fingers. Fingers that not two minutes before had been in his own ass. Fingers that had brought new levels of sensation to an already phenomenal fuck. Fingers that were now covered in his own cum harvested from Harry's ass. He claimed every bit of juice from those digits before guiding her to lay on the couch. He scooted back against a nearly comatose Harry and leaned down, inhaling the scent of Ginny that lingered in her trim muff. Her heady musk began a new arousal deep in his belly, the sensation nearly painful as it piled on top of his spent muscles.

Hesitantly, he dipped the barest tip of his tongue in her hot, wet folds. Surprised by the vaguely pleasant taste, he lashed his tongue deeper, deeper. Swirled his tongue around the opening, dipping it in as she reflexively ground her hips into his face and began a near constant moan. "Severusssssss," she hissed with need. "Up, up top," she forced out with a grunt, grabbing a fist full of his hair and pulling it roughly. In one long, broad stroke he brought his tongue all the way up the girl's delicious cunt. Though he'd never had occasion to find it, he was aware of what he was looking for. The nub he found was much bigger than he'd expected; engorged from her arousal, he suspected. Tamping down logical thoughts, he focused all his attention on that little spot. He ran his tongue over it slowly a couple of times, then flicked side to side a few times experimentally.

"A-around it," she managed. "Yeah, that," she muttered, returning to her hissing, grunting and groaning. Don't stop, don't stop doing that!" she implored, rocking her hips into his mouth rather violently now. "Put your fingers in," she instructed, reaching down and taking control of her clit. Severus obliged, lifting his head slightly, wondering what to do.

"No, turn your fingers over, face them up," Harry said. He looked utterly spent, but he was kneeling on the floor next to Severus apparently to give the man lessons in pleasing a woman. "Now, push your thumb against those fingers from the outside, yeah, like that," Harry continued in a heady voice.

Ginny was working her hand wildly now, her groans louder and louder. "Now, move your hand, just like that, move it up and down, holding that pressure just like that."

Harry leaned over Ginny's hips, pulled her hand away and began licking her cunt just so. Ginny fisted Harry's raven hair with her newly freed hand and cried out. Severus felt Ginny's walls clench down on his fingers hard. Instinctually, he inserted a finger from his other hand and rode out her climax gently stretching and pulling at her supple opening even as it was clamping down in wave after wave of orgasm.

Utterly spent, Ginny closed her eyes gently and caught her breath. Severus gently pulled his fingers from Ginny's cunt and was rewarded with a satisfying grunt at the loss. Ginny grabbed Severus' hand and pulled until she could suck her own wetness from the potions master's hand. Severus squeezed in behind her on the couch, draping his arm over her and settled into afterglow.

"Getting pretty comfortable with all of this, hmmm?" Harry was clearly amused to see Severus cuddled up with Ginny, caressing her breasts and playing with one of her nipples.

"Mmmmmmmm…" was his only reply.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N Hello! I apologize that it's been such a long time since I've updated! I could give excuses, but instead I thought I'd just post the damn update. B-P

I apologize if the last part of this update isn't as well-edited as the first half, but I was anxious to get this posted, and was just too damn sick of reading and re-reading it that I just decided to go with it...

I'm really quite curious to hear what you think of the story so far, so PLEASE PLEASE R&R! *smiles* C'mon, you know you wanna stroke my ego...or provoke it...

 _SSHPGW_

 _Scritch, scritch, scratch…scritch, scritch…_ The odd sound flitted through Severus' mind, slowly stirring the currents of thought. Ink stains on fingers and bouquets of fragrant flowers… smooth, velvety softness. Warmth.

As he unconsciously pressed himself closer to the heat he felt, Ginny responded with a soft little sound of pleasure and rocked her hips back to meet his.

As Severus' body responded to the gentle grind, he inhaled deeply of the scent of Ginny's hair and began to caress her breast and gently tease her nipple. _Quill. He must be writing,_ his mind worked out. Seeing flame-red hair as he opened his eyes, he smiled contentedly and continued the slow, torturous rhythmic grind that he and Ginny had begun. He slid his hand down the smooth, supple skin of her breast, across her abdomen and over her hip, down to rest over her heat. He simply held his hand there, firmly, as Ginny began to vocalize her pleasure at more regular intervals. At some point, Harry had stopped writing, for the only sounds were their bodies shifting on fabric and Ginny's pleasure.

"You do make waking up such a pleasure," Severus breathed into her ear, kissing and nibbling the girl's ear. "But you do make it hard to get any work done, don't you?"

"You've no idea," Harry chimed in. "She's our little sex-goddess."

"Is that so? Well, I suppose I shall have to worship you again, hmmm?" Harry grinned mischievously and Ginny just giggled. She placed her hand on top of Severus' and pushed, giving herself a modicum of friction amidst their oh-so-slow grind.

Severus dipped his middle finger down into her heat and grazed her clit, then once again, which elicited blissfully delighted cries from the redhead. "Unfortunately for both of us," he began, "I have an incredible amount of work to do today." He brought his hand to her mouth and she eagerly accepted the proffered finger. Severus' eyes rolled back a bit at the sensation of her tongue swirling around his finger, imagining that tongue working its way around his rapidly-hardening cock. "And this…" he bucked his hips hard against her perfect ass, "Isn't helping."

"Mmmmmmm…I don't care," Ginny moaned. Severus glimpsed Harry out of the corner of his eye; he was watching the two of them and lightly stroking his own burgeoning erection.

"Fuck young Mister Potter for me, he looks to be up for the task," he growled in her ear. "I must get on with my day." With a little gentle prodding, Ginny floated off the couch and into Harry's embrace. Severus stood up slowly and turned towards his bedroom once more. He did not want to miss the show, but he really did have a lot to get on with today, between his own potions experiments, brewing medical potions for the school and grading second-year essays, he really did have a full day ahead of him.

He sighed as he entered his bedroom and walked past the devastation they had wrecked the night before, this time only regretful that he could not indulge further. He entered the small bathroom adjacent to his bed and turned on the water for a shower. He tested the temperature with one hand. It was blissfully warm and wonderful and perfect. He turned the temperature down and tested it again. Warm, but certainly not hot. He turned it down again and tested it, then finally stepped in for a shower as cool as he could stand.

As always, he began by working shampoo into his tangled hair. Leaning over a cauldron all day was murder on his hair, but he'd never bothered to find a better solution than the shampoo that he'd always used. Why bother? It might ruin his reputation as the Greasy Git, and he couldn't have that. Turning back into the water stream, he braced his hands on the wall of the shower and just enjoyed the feel of the water sluicing down his body. Cool as it was, the water felt good on his tired muscles. The pressure from the shower head was massaging his shoulders just right, so he just stood there for a moment, breathing deeply. He closed his as his thoughts wandered over Ginny's nubile body and Harry's hard, angular muscles, just relaxing deeply in the cool stream.

"Move over, I'm getting in," Harry said. Severus wasn't surprised by the boy's appearance, and a hint of smirk escaped his tight control.

"By all means," Severus said, moving back a little and gesturing for Harry to take the spot under the water. Severus burst out in a fit of laughter at Harry's high pitched cry at the shock of the cool water. "I told you, I have a lot of work to do today," he said, barely containing his raucous laughter. _Gods, I haven't laughed like this in forever,_ he thought, still smiling at the boy. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Harry's lips, down his jaw, then neck. _Since…_

Lily.

And there she was, a ghost between the two men. Each standing in the stream of cool water, bared open, naked and vulnerable. Severus took a finger and tilted Harry's head up.

"Her eyes, I know. And I know you loved her very much, Severus." Harry spoke with kindness, but Severus could felt the sting of disappointment in those words, too.

Severus kept his eyes locked on Harry's as he reached around the boy and grabbed the body wash and a washcloth. He finally looked down as he began to soap and lather the cloth. "Very few people have been kind to me in my life, Harry. But," Severus started. He was glad that Harry seemed be content in letting Severus collect his thoughts. "You're Lily's through and through." Severus chanced a glance at Harry, who was waiting with a sort of patient anxiety. Severus looked down again.

"But the way I loved her…she never felt that for me. I look in your eyes and see her kindness, Harry. I do not look for Lily in your eyes. I only see you now, your kindness and compassion. Your fierce courage and dumb bravery. You need to know that I will pine for her no longer; she made you, and that is enough."

Severus simply began washing Harry's body slowly, carefully, the coolness of the water suppressing the sexual tension and extending their simple vulnerability.

Harry took the washcloth and reciprocated. The two continued, kissing, touching, _experiencing_ each other apart from uncontrollable lust. Severus had never had such simple closeness with anyone, ever, and he reveled in it. Now that he had experienced it, his craving for the touch of another human was unbelievable. He wanted to wrap himself in Harry, to feel reassuring hot skin pressed against his chest, to feel hands exploring and lips touching everywhere.

Severus pulled Harry in for a long kiss, pushed him against the wall of the shower and wound his fingers in the boy's messy brown mop. Harry eagerly wound himself around Severus, pressing their bodies together tightly and slowly running his hands over Severus' back. As their groins ground together, cock against cock, the cold of the water was becoming less effective and their affections became more heated and impatient.

"Are you boys done yet?" Ginny's voice rang clear through the bathroom. "I need to take a shower before my History of Magic study group later." Severus looked at the girl over his shoulder; she'd shed Harry's white shirt at some point and was quite a vision simply standing there impatiently with her arms crossed under her breasts.

Severus looked back at Harry and smiled broadly. "Yeah, it's all yours," he said as he and Harry stepped out of the shower and made their way to the bedroom. Severus tossed Harry a towel, both men grinning broadly when Ginny cried out in surprise at the water.

"Did either of you expect any nicer treatment from the Dungeon Bat?" Severus chuckled. Harry grinned broadly and began drying his hair.

 _SSHPGW_

"Are you planning on staring over my shoulder for the entirety of the afternoon, Mr. Potter?"

"Back to Potter, am I? I thought I'd earned a bit better than that," Harry stated with a smirk.

"As it would be… _unfortunate_ to misname you, I felt that whilst in front of a cauldron, I should refrain from familiarities," Severus said, his practiced motions never wavering.

"Ok. So, whacha doin', Teach?" Harry asked in a sarcastically chipper tone, placing one hand on Severus' work bench and bending over his Professor.

Severus paused his brewing efforts momentarily and let out a sigh. "Work," he answered simply.

Harry snorted. "Thanks for the clarification. Let me rephrase. It looks like you're brewing a simple sleeping draught, but I don't see any Valerian sprigs, only powdered Moonstone. And is that Syrup of Hellebore- you're making a hybrid draught, aren't you? Between Draught of Peace and Sleeping Draught?"

Severus quirked an eyebrow at Harry. "That is correct, Mr. Potter, as much as I detest to admit it." He turned in his seat to look at Harry. "10 points to Gryffindor," he started, and before Harry had a chance to begin gushing, he continued, "for a displaying a far better understanding of potions making than you've ever shown in class. Do tell, Mr. Potter. How did you guess?" His face was passively neutral, but he was intensely curious at the discovery of Harry's recognition. "Powdered Moonstone is generally very difficult to tell from other powdered ingredients, for one," Severus continued.

"Well, _that_ was easy, Professor," Harry began with a bright smile. "You ever-so-kindly set me 12 inches on Moonstone at the beginning of fifth year; it has very distinctive reflective properties if you've studied enough books to write an entire essay on it!"

"I shall have to remember to set an extensive assortment of essays on potions ingredients prior to your N.E.W.T.S., Harry," Severus said, deadpan, and Harry punched him none-too lightly in the shoulder.

"So, what are you trying to do?" Harry asked. Severus had just opened his mouth when Harry interrupted him, " _Aside_ from brewing a hybrid of Peace and Sleeping draughts? What's the motivation for the new potion?"

A quick smile bloomed on Severus' lips, but he quickly reclaimed neutrality. "You're learning. If I'd known, I would have had you come to all of your potions classes shirtless," he said, lightly pinching one of Harry's nipples. His actions greeted by a moan, Severus forced his hand and mind away from the nubile flesh and back to his work. "As I'm sure you are aware, Sleep and Peace Draughts are used frequently when it comes to exam times, but they are not perfect remedies. The Sleeping Draught is excellent to induce rest, but students simply wake up anxious and agitated; Draught of Peace excels at reducing anxiety, however it leaves one in a dull state of mind that is conducive neither to sleep nor to studying. That's due to the-"

"Anti-psychotic properties of the Syrup of Hellebore, right?"

"Do not interrupt. You are correct, however." Severus was about to continue his explanation when he noticed Harry concentrating furiously, trying to figure it out.

"So then, why take out the Valerian Root and leave the Hellebore, Severus?"

"Think on it, Harry."

"Unless…" Severus was quite amused by that scrunched up face as he worked through the information. He leaned back and waited for Harry. "Ha! You're counting on the properties of the Moonstone and the Lavender to combine and lessen the side effects of the Hellebore!"

"That was…" Severus thought about it for a second before continuing. "Impressive. Twenty points to Gryffindor, Harry."

"So?" Harry asked, beaming, "Does it work?"

"If I knew, then it wouldn't be research, now would it? I'm attempting to deduce just that before the next round of exams hits the school." Severus turned back to his work, adjusting the flame beneath one of the cauldrons in front of him and jotting more notes in his notebook.

"So, how do you know?" Severus, bent over his notebook, smiled broadly beneath his curtain of hair at Harry's curiosity.

"I have my ways," he answered cryptically. "Or do you think I've tried every failed Draught of Living Death that has been turned in over the last seventeen years, and that's why I have such a healthy glow, hm?" he asked, peering up to Harry with an impish grin. "Well, are you going to keep standing there, or are you going to help out?" He snapped, still smiling. "We're low on Syrup of Hellebore, so Professor Sprout brought in some Hellebore from the greenhouses for me yesterday." Severus gestured to the pile of plants a few feet farther down the workbench in his private lab. "Make the Syrup, if you please."

"Of course, Severus," Harry intoned softly as he stood. Wrapping his arms around his professor's neck, he whispered, " _anything_ to make your day more _enjoyable_ , Sir."

"In the future, please refrain from…in the lab," Severus requested quietly. "You of all people should know what happens in a potions lab if one does not maintain precise focus. Harry smiled coyly and began gathering the equipment and supplies he'd need to create the Syrup.

 _SSHPGW_

By late afternoon, Ginny had returned from her study group to see Harry and Severus sitting on the couch, Harry's legs propped up on Severus' lap, both men apparently grading scrolls.

"I'm delighted to know that my hard work as a student is given the utmost attention from the professor _for whom I wrote it_ ," Ginny muttered with an exhausted sigh.

"Why do you still study with them, you're always in a foul mood afterwards."

"Because they're the best students in our year, and I need all the help I can get. Between Quidditch and being Prefect…" Ginny sighed again, dropping her bag and plopping down against the love seat in front of Harry. "And I'm not foul because I was around Ravenclaws all day, Harry," she said, catching her head with her propped up knees. "I just can't believe they're having us study all of it! It's disgusting, Harry!" She was flailing now, hair flying. "It makes me feel…gahhh! It's sick, just sick."

"I know, Gin, I know. I hate it, too. I've just preempted the issue by accepting that I will receive a grade of Troll," Harry said with mild amusement in his voice.

"And what sick depravity are you two going on about?" Severus asked without raising his gaze from grading parchments.

Harry slowly drew one foot across Severus lap and said, "I know what sick depravity we _want_ to get on with, Severus," palming the older man's groin with his foot.

"Harry!" Ginny shouted, amused but incredulous anyway. For his part, Severus calmly lifted Harry's foot by the big toe and dropped it a few inches away from temptation, eyes still scanning and grading parchments.

"As I stated earlier, once I finish grading these, Potter. And my question stands, Ginny."

"History of Magic," Harry began dully. "Wizarding wars of the twentieth-century."

"We're studying the Longbottoms right now, and how Bellatrix and Crouch Junior tortured them. It's awful, sitting right next to Neville while boring old Binns drones on and on about it, none the wiser. Next week, the Blacks and Malfoys, then on to the Potters. It's- I hate it. And what exactly are they going to teach about this war?"

"Then why are you still taking it, Ginny? It clearly bothers you, so why don't you drop it?"

"Other than the fact that my mother would skin me? Stop laughing, Severus, have you ever pissed her off? And they're making it required now for all Aurors. They've even developed a course for current Aurors!" Severus couldn't hold it in anymore; he burst out in a fit of laughter thinking of Sirius Black taking a remedial history course on his own bloody story. "You really haven't met my mother on a bad day, have you, Severus Snape?" she huffed.

Harry was barely suppressing his own amusement but sat up and placed a gentle hand on Ginny's shoulder. Babe, let me rub your shoulders, ok? I know you're upset and stressed out, so why don't we just relax for a while? _Accio Lotion_ ," Harry summoned.

Nothing happened. "Seriously, Severus?" Harry asked with an incredulous grin. "No lotion in this whole place?"

Still without looking up from his marking, Severus mumbled, "Accio Lavender massage oil," which immediately zoomed in from down the hall.

"I apologize, Severus, I didn't know you had it in you. Or _who_ you had in you!" Severus flicked his wrist and Harry found himself hanging upside down by his ankle, hovering above the couch. "Hey!" he cried, feebly. "Look, I'm sorry, really I am!"

"Good," Severus replied, carefully collecting his work and placing it on an end table. "Ginny, come over here," he said, indicating she scoot over and sit in front of him. Another flick and Ginny's flowing hair was bunched up on her head in a crisp, tight bun. Straddling the girl, Severus reached down and started removing Ginny's sweater. As she finished taking it over her head, and unclasped her bra, Severus poured some of the sweet smelling oil on his palms and began to warm it. Ginny closed her eyes and rested her head on her upright knees as Severus began.

"Um, can I come down now? Please?"

"No," Severus and Ginny said in tandem.

"But I'm sorry!" Harry cried while Severus and Ginny continued to ignore him.

Severus began by simply working the oil over Ginny's alabaster skin. He moved with soothing, practiced motions, lightly easing the tension out of Ginny's shoulders, neck, upper arms, mid back, then as he deftly moved away from massage techniques into sensual touch, Ginny began to respond. Though quiet at first, Severus wasn't immune. Feeling her moving against his hands, sensing how she craved his touch, he couldn't keep his pulse from accelerating a little. His breath caught a little as he felt her broadcast her thoughts to him; intrigued, he complied and was rewarded with a flash of desire and lust. Severus rearranged his seat as Ginny moved to join him on the sofa. Straddling her hips now, she laid back against Severus chest, pulling his arm around to her chest and abdomen stretching her neck below his chin.

Severus was taken aback; he'd never really considered the sensual possibilities of Legilimency. Severus reveled in seeing and feeling the touches and caresses Ginny desired. As he explored her skin, feeling the contours of her slim frame, holding one breast, now tracing the nipple, he immersed himself in Ginny's mind. He watched himself through her eyes as his hand snaked down between supple thighs, eliciting exquisite shivers of lightning. As Ginny marionetted Severus' movements, moments, fantasies, memories and more flooded Severus' conscious. A severe looked the Potions Master had flashed the girl; a fantasy of Severus fucking Ginny over his own desk; seeing himself as he moved over her on the bed the first time they were together. _Last night_ , he thought. It felt like ages ago, that this whole mess had started, but even as his mind wandered in melancholy, his body was fully involved in Ginny's mind. Involuntarily, he pressed his hips up against Ginny's back, gaining a modicum of friction for his engorged cock. His hand worked to reproduce the muscle-memory Ginny was imparting straight to his fingers, it seemed, stroking her just so, so lightly, then long and firm, tickling at the top…

Severus marveled at the detail that Ginny was giving him, trying to maintain the erotic bond while simultaneously devoted to the task of memorizing her tutoring. _Mmmmmmmmm, so fucking perfect,_ he thought. Then he realized he _hadn't_ thought it: he'd felt it. He'd felt _her_ , how it felt for _her._ Severus ground his hips firmly against her back again, conscious this time that he was simultaneously feeling pleasure from his swollen member and Ginny's wet cunt in front of him.

Severus was drunk at the pleasure, but it kept building. He felt it as Ginny grabbed one of her nipples and pinched and twisted, and was shocked by the wave of bliss that saturated his body, even as his own nipple begged for release. Thoughts swirling between his own pleasure, Ginny's, fantasy and reality, he couldn't hold on to himself anymore. His mind slipped underneath the mental connection and everything blurred. Suddenly he was standing in the Malfoy dungeon, Lucius bent over the wheel in the most delicious way, ass cherry red from a fresh flogging. Ginny riding Harry like a bronc buster in her Prefect's chambers in Gryffindor tower. Harry kissing him for the first time- or was it her? He could not distinguish between his memories and hers, but he didn't care. He let Harry pin him to a rough stone wall, hands held tightly above his head. He felt it as Harry Fucking Potter penetrated him for the first time, the exquisite pain of the boy's cock breaking through the hymen, the shocking pleasure of the thick member stretching her walls for the first time; of course that was Ginny's memory. It didn't matter, as the two built towards orgasm so quickly, Severus reeling from the experience, the _intensity_ of the uniqueness of Ginny's pleasure felt in his own body. With hardly any effort on their part, Severus recognized the oh-so-familiar feeling of his own coiling tension teetering on the edge of breaking. Fluidly, he passed the experience on to Ginny, who cracked under the burden of tension. She cascaded into an abyss of pure feeling, and Severus felt his own snapping coil sink them both even deeper in mind-numbing _experience_.

Severus laid his head back against the corner of the sofa, closing his eyes and reveling in the exhaustion of his pleasure, barely registering it when Ginny extricated herself and went over to the little bar to get drinks. Severus concentrated on feeling the rush of each heartbeat, feeling the air flow in and out of his lungs. _Alive_ , he thought to himself. _I feel alive_.

Calm washed over him, calm that he couldn't really remember feeling before. Sated, relatively comfortable, content. _Safe_. Severus sniggered to himself, wondering how he could feel safe around two mischievous teenagers who were doing their best to ruin his, albeit spotty, reputation and get him fired, yet he couldn't deny them. He couldn't deny himself, either.

He pushed the thoughts aside and chose instead to relive the intriguing flashes of memory to which he was now privy. And then he remembered his contribution, the memory of the Malfoy dungeon. His heart began to race, his chest tightening protectively around itself. How would could he explain himself? How could he ever explain his perverse nature to someone like _her_? _Potter, maybe,_ he thought to himself, unconsciously placing one hand over his eyes and letting out a big sigh.

"Finite Incantatum," Ginny pronounced, followed immediately by a loud _thud_ as Harry hit the floor.

"Was a silencing charm really necessary, Severus?" Harry whined.

"Yes, because you were being a complete prat, Harry," Ginny responded. "And I cast that one, sweetheart," she finished wryly.

Severus didn't respond to anything until he felt the sofa dip beside as Ginny sat down and press a cold glass into his free hand. Avoiding Ginny's eye, he took in the drink she'd passed, and gratefully sipped the cold scotch. It was one of his lesser varieties, but he appreciated her choice to reserve the more expensive bottles to serve at Severus' request as she and Potter had absolutely no palate for fine whiskey. He let the liquor settle in his mouth for a moment, burning away cotton mouth and pleasant memories alike, leaving only his shame.

He didn't resist when Ginny straddled his lap, but when she reached her hand to his neck he gripped her wrist fiercely. He did not need her gentleness, her softness. Her pity.

He loosened his grip as she shifted away from him, setting her empty glass down. He pulled away from her again as she moved to caress the side of his face this time.

"I'm not your boyfriend, dear," he sneered, trying to wall off his weakness from her.

She responded by calmly relieving him of his drink, then grasping each wrist in turn and forcing them above his head, just as Harry had done in the flash of erotic memory that had passed between them. She stared into his eyes with a look of profound lust and longing for a moment, before moving in for a soft, earnest kiss. Her soft lips seemed to explore his, moving against them gently, rhythmically. His body betraying him, he found himself matching her earnestness and her pace. A little rush of breath escaped his lips when he felt her tongue dart out. He tried to free his arms from her grasp, but she pushed back, holding him securely. Blood rushed in his ears and he tried to lean in to deepen the kiss, but she leaned back, keeping the contact ever-so-light and utterly insufficient.

Severus felt his heart skip when Ginny moved her provocative mouth next to his left ear, just above that hideous reminder of who he was. She just breathed in his ear for a moment, as if she was trying to decide if she would say whatever it was floating around in her head. "You're right," she admitted finally. "You're not my boyfriend. You're my _lover_ ," she finished in a heady, breathy voice. "Now," she continued in her dulcet tone, "What happened? What changed?"

Severus closed his eyes tightly, resisting her. He tried to slow his breathing, to calm his body down, to resist the pure sex dripping from the woman straddling his lap but his body responded even more strongly for the resisting. Severus pulled against her hands again, and once more she shifted her slight frame to lever Severus' arms back down.

Severus fought the flush of his excitement, but the more he fought his body, the faster the blush of his excitement burned up his neck and lit up his cheeks. "You like this, don't you?" she asked as he tried fruitlessly to avoid her penetrating gaze. "Is this it? Come on, Severus," she said in a softly scolding tone. "You don't like that I saw you like this, with Harry, that I saw you with Malfoy?" she purred in his ear. Ginny ran her nose up the edge of his ear ever so lightly, and he bucked his hips involuntarily, barely suppressing a grunt at her ministrations. "Never be ashamed of what turns you on, Severus," she continued as she ground her whole body against his. "What I saw, you, in your… _pleasure room..._ " she whispered, barely audible, "I'm not ashamed of how arousing it is."

Severus closed his eyes and let those words float over his body. Severus' head swam at the revelation, unable to make sense of the girl, who had already left the couch and was putting on her bra and bringing their glasses back to the bar.

"What was that all about, Gin?" Severus overheard Harry whisper to Ginny.

Severus kept absolutely still, deeply vested in hearing Ginny's answer about what the hell had just happened between them.

Ginny remained pensive for a moment before answering, "A lesson."

 _SSHPGW_

By the time dinner was announced, Severus and Harry had graded all the 2nd year essays and Severus had checked on his experiments. Everything was bubbling along just fine, so he placed the entire work station under a stasis charm as Harry finished bottling and labeling the last of the syrup he'd made.

"I must make an appearance at dinner; I'll never hear the end of it from Minerva if I don't give her the opportunity to bore me to death today," he said dryly. "And I'm sure Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger are wondering where you two have wondered off?"

Ginny let out a snort. "Hermione's had her nose buried in dusty books all day; she doesn't really keep up with us on the weekends except to scold us for not getting our homework done early, and Ron learned a while ago to stop asking where the two of us have been for fear that we'll tell him that we were fucking behind the Quidditch pitch again," she giggled.

Ginny broke out into a full-force fit when Severus merely quirked an eyebrow. "You two go ahead, I grabbed something earlier when I was about, and I've got a shit ton of work to get through tonight. She turned back to her schoolwork, crouched over a small desk she'd conjured and wedged in between the fireplace and Severus' reading chair, still clad only in her skirt and bra. She had put her hair up in a messy pony tail and was constantly fussing with loose strands in the sexiest way possible, Severus was certain.

"I think I'm going to poison her wine tonight," Severus mumbled to himself, coming to grips with the fact that Ginny's transfiguration homework would probably take the rest of the evening.

"And why aren't you fussing about with Minerva's essay tonight, Harry?" Severus asked as he checked and double checked that he looked presentable and not at all recently-fucked.

"Oh, I worked on it earlier this week…" Harry began lamely. He scratched the back of his head in nervous embarrassment.

"You mean during Thursday's Potions class, don't you Harry?" Ginny stated bluntly, not even bothering to take her eyes off of her work.

Severus was both insulted and confused, and it must have shown. Harry jumped in to explain, a red flush creeping up his neck and threatening his cheeks. "Remember? You vanished my cauldron when you heard Draco snigger-"

"I vanished your cauldron when I saw the violent shade of green smoke that your work was emitting, and I believe I instructed you to work on your essay."

"It only started doing that because Draco flicked an entire moonstone crystal into my cauldron, and I did work on my essay! Just…" the flush bloomed brighter than Severus' had ever seen it as Harry continued, "Just not your essay…" he finished with unease, shifting from foot to foot. "Anyway, now my Transfiguration is done, so it's all good!"

Severus was tempted to smile at Harry's sheer audacity, but felt obliged to maintain a professor-ly attitude about the situation. He gave Harry a scowl. "Ten points from Gryffindor for deliberately misinterpreting my instructions, and detention tomorrow, after brunch. You will remake the potion from Thursday's class-"

"WHAT‑" Harry tried to interrupt, but Severus continued right over him.

"Told you," hollered Ginny from across the room.

"And since you're of the opinion that Mr. Malfoy's influence was the only reason your potion failed, you will complete the potion-"

"But it was- But he flicked the goddamn thing in my cauldron, and then-"

"For credit," Severus finished. Harry shut his gaping mouth, taken aback at Severus' out of character generosity. Severus had never given the boy- or nearly any other student for that matter- the opportunity to earn back the points they'd missed when he'd vanished their failed potion, even if he had the student brew it again in detention.

"Detention for you as well, Miss Granger, for not talking more sense into your beloved _boyfriend_." Just as he'd expected, the two teenagers looked back and forth between themselves and Severus, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Miss Weasley, I expect you promptly at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. Proceed directly into my chambers for…private lessons."

Satisfied, he turned toward the door and exited with the familiar flair of a sneer set in stone and a billowing cloak trailing behind him. Just as he was stepping out into the antechamber, he heard Ginny tell Harry, "Gods, you have to admit, he's got _style._ "

 _SSHPGW_

Ginny's comment helped him through positively dreadful dinner conversation. Even better than the house-specialty roasted butternut squash was the look on Minerva's face when she sputtered out the expensive wine that Severus had transfigured into foul, cheap fortified wine. He'd chanced a glance at the Gryffindor table and caught Harry's eye just before he'd done it, ensuring that his willful lover would see that he'd followed through on his promise to punish Minerva for interfering with their weekend of fucking. Harry had grinned from ear to ear and turned back to his mashed potatoes.

Severus hurried through his meal, which wasn't that unusual, if he was completely honest with himself. He preferred to spend his time in the privacy of his quarters, and had always made quick work of meals and excused himself as early as he felt he could get away with. He bade Minerva and Filius good night and strode back down towards the dungeon. As he reached out to release the wards on the door, he realized he didn't know what to expect on the other side. Harry had still been in the Great Hall when he'd left but he didn't know if Ginny was still inside, if she was still half naked and horny or if she'd left for the library or for her private room in the tower. More concerning in that moment, he wasn't sure what he wanted to find beyond the door.

He'd always valued his privacy and solitude. He'd never particularly desired the company of another, not since Lily. He'd occasionally sought the company of willing men, but mostly he'd brought Lucius to the Dungeon to sate his lusts. But when he walked into the small sitting room, he caught himself releasing a breath he hadn't realize he'd been holding. Ginny was right where he'd left her, sitting at the cramped little desk wedged in near the fire, bent over several large, dusty tomes.

"I brought you a few rolls and a couple of biscuits," he uttered quietly, placing the carefully folded napkin on the ledge of a bookcase that was within reach and began unbuttoning his teaching robes. He preferred being in his shirtsleeves when he was by himself, and was fighting the urge to feel awkward.

He concentrated on the idea that it was _her_ here with him, which calmed him in a way he couldn't explain. He set to his own routine, unbuttoning the cuffs of his stark white shirt one at a time and rolling each thrice, to the elbow, feeling more himself as he picked out one of his finer scotch whiskeys. He asked softly, "Would you like a drink?"

Ginny sighed a little and responded in the affirmative before stretching her hands and wrists a bit. After stretching her arms above her head and yawning a little, she picked up the napkin Severus had brought and began to tear into one of the rolls. Severus set down a small soapstone coaster in the only open space on the desk and then added her tumbler with three fingers of scotch. Ginny caught Severus' wrist as he was retreating from her workspace, and they locked eyes.

"Thank you, Severus," she said in a soft, tender voice.

"It's only a roll, dear," he said, attempting to brush off her sincerity.

"No, I mean, thank _you_ , Sev. For _everything_."

He didn't need legilimency to understand that she was speaking of much greater things than biscuits, more than sex, and older than scotch.

He simply dipped his head in the barest of acknowledgements, turned, and resumed his usual nightly regime; he took his place in the chair that faced the fire, sipped his scotch, and picked up where he left off in the book he'd been reading this week.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm not even sure if anyone is still reading this, but here it is anyway... finally some stinkin LEMONS.

I haven't gone over this ch as much as I'd like to edit it, but I've been working on it forEVER and just want it posted! Feel free to PM me or leave a note in your review with my mistakes and I'll fix them. I'll not beg for comments/reviews...except that right there. The passive-aggressive plea...that's it. B-P

Please, no underage readers, thar be intense shit here. Enjoy...

1:14 am found Severus fallen asleep in his chair, book still in hand resting against the arm of the chair. Awakened by an uncomfortable crick in his neck he stretched, looking like a kitten waking up from a particularly rough nap, he was certain. He was a bit surprised to see Ginny sitting cross-legged right there, between himself and the fire. She seemed to be trying to read 5 large tomes at the same time, which peaked his interest.

"Still?" he asked.

She started a bit, as if just now remembering that she was not the only person in the room. Severus completely understood and yet… _How did I get…here?_ He marveled at how comfortable he felt, knowing that she was here in his quarters, a part of his most tightly held intimacy.

"I'm working on my Comps for Transfiguration, trying to decide…" she trailed off, absently chewing the end of her quill.

It quickly became apparent that she was so lost in thought that she'd forgotten she'd been speaking to him, so he prompted, "You were saying?"

"Huh?" she replied, turning to look at him in confusion.

"What are you trying to decide between for your Comprehensives Project for Transfiguration? You were about to say…" Severus supplied with some amusement.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I get so in my head, sometimes, when I work on this, that I forget that occasionally I'm not just rambling to myself," she answered sheepishly.

"And…?" He was fully amused now, and tried his best to hold back a full grin when she scrunched her brow in confusion. "What are you thinking of for your project, dear?" he asked, unable to hold in a quiet chuckle.

She smacked her forehead with her palm at that, not entirely believing that she'd done it again. "Dear Gods, I must be off my rocker tonight. I'm thinking of doing wand movements and how slight variations can be manipulated to create different effects, like designs on a transfigured cup, or color patterns on an animal's fur."

"That sounds…" he tried to think of words for the very nuanced concept she was exploring.

"I know, I know. Like foolish wand waving, I know," she said, waving him off. "But I just stumbled onto _this_ the other week, and I'm really piqued; it's a paper from ages ago on the nuance of tone in transfiguration incantations."

She looked up at him, and he immediately knew he'd cocked it up. She flushed a bit and began closing books and arranging her notes into neat piles. "Well, like in Chinese, the same basic _word_ ," she said, adding air quotes, "can be said in five different vocal tones, and each time it means something completely different. This paper is about how wizards in China navigate them in their spell casting, and I was thinking there might be something to be gained in our Latin-based spells…really, it's probably nothing, it probably wouldn't-"

"On the contrary, Ginny," Severus started, eyebrows raised in an expression of his true astonishment of the girl's complex research aims. "I think both are promising research interests, but I think the latter is…"

"Ridiculous…"

"Inspired," he said with all the sincerity he could muster at one in the morning. "It reminds me of Potion making, in a way," he began, thinking.

"Really?" she asked, her face screwed up in thought.

"Yes, the basics of Potions are the same around the world, but the tiniest, most nuanced change in the application of a single stir, or the size of the cuts of an ingredient, or changing the strain of a particular plant used…" his mind began to wander to his own research, but he shook it off and continued, "Yes, Ginny, I think you're on to something with that. If the most minute details make a difference in Potions, then there is no reason that they should not matter in 'Foolish Wand Waving,' as well."

Ginny was stunning when she smiled with genuine emotion, as she was doing now. A thought occurred to him, so he asked, "Why are you bothering with Comps? Almost no one does them anymore."

"Hermione is doing three," she said, dejected, as if here own academic endeavors were somehow less because of her friend's extraordinary achievements. "I just…I don't know, I just wanted more of a challenge. Which is dumb, I know! For Gods' sake, I'm playing for the Harpies next year! I don't know why I'm loading myself down so much."

"Because you're brilliant, apparently," he said in an utterly droll tone, immediately regretting it. He shook his head at his own snarky manner and tried again. "You are doing exactly what you should be doing, Ginny," he began. "You're making the most of your education, dear. It doesn't have to make sense that you're not heading into a great and exciting career of Transfiguration, as learning itself is never a waste," he began, aware that he sounded more like recruiting poster than himself. "Why do you think I'm reading…" he looked down at the spine of the book currently in his hands and read, " _Advanced Medical Treatment for Dragon-Inflicted Wounds: Potions and Poultices,_ " he snorted a bit before continuing, "Ok, bad example, but if you look around a little you'll see my point clearly," he finished, gesturing vaguely at the bookcase-lined walls of his quarters. "I think it's quite something, Ginny, that you're going above and beyond in your studies." He nodded curtly to himself and added, "Quite."

"Thank you, Severus," she replied meekly, her cheeks a beautiful rosy pink that he thought didn't have very much to do with her proximity to the heat of the low-burning fire.

"I think it's about time to retire, don't you? Tomorrow, after all, also promises to be…very educational itself, does it not?" he finished in a low growl, his cock twitching a little in anticipation. Ginny smiled, rising from her place on the carpet and stretching her stiff muscles.

Severus gathered his and Ginny's tumblers and returned them to the bar to be bussed by his house elf in the morning, and headed to the bathroom. He brushed his hair and teeth, washed his face and undressed before taking a minute to look at himself in the tiny mirror he kept on the wall for shaving. He had never taken to the idea that he should preen for the sake of the comfort of others, to show that he was like them, to show that he wanted to be accepted, to prove to others that he cared about himself, he had never bothered with mirrors, even as a child. He knew that's why he'd earned the moniker of Greasy Git which had followed him since his third year at Hogwarts. Even now, in middle-age, he hardly examined himself, but, he admitted to himself, his unspoken reasons had changed.

" _Engorgio,_ " he murmured softly and with a brief flick of his fingers the mirror enlarged, extending to show his torso and hips.

Ignoring the hideous crater that had been Nagini's parting gift, he looked at his lean form, pale skin taut over a what he knew to most would be a surprisingly muscular figure. He was a Potions Master, yes, however he would often lift and carry heavy cauldrons, large crates of ingredients, and racks of jars and vials manually. He would only allow himself to reason that the manual labor was an excellent way to clear his mind, to prepare himself to brew particularly tricky or dangerous potions, shutting away the more important reason for his regularly practiced exertions.

He had wanted to be prepared for the fight that he knew should have taken his life.

He absently ran his fingers over the hideous scars of Nagini's bite, clenching his teeth against a flash of pain-infused memory. The great beast encircling him, trapping him within its ghastly and terrifyingly overlarge form. Rising up, baring its fangs. Unhinging its jaws and opening its mouth to a frightening width. The involuntary flood of terror, the blinding pain.

Grinding his teeth and shutting his eyes tightly, he gripped the edges of the sink in front of him until his knuckles were white and his fingers started to numb. He leaned heavily on the cold porcelain, knowing that until the memory had been controlled he would be utterly unable to hold himself upright.

He tried to force a deep breath into his lungs against the pressure that he _knew_ was not Nagini wrapping herself around his chest, squeezing his life from him, but he was unable to keep from panting out short, desperate breaths as he scrambled to regain control of his mind. He reached for the giant rod-iron crate that he'd created for the ghastly memory and fought for control of the snake. He imagined slipping from the heavily muscled coils, griping and controlling its head from behind, fighting to maintain control as the snake in his mind whipped its head back and forth, trying to free itself from Severus' hold. He hadn't needed to fight this hard to contain the painful and venomous memory since St. Mungo's. Months of regular magic-infused meditation practice had made the torment of his memories more manageable, and he'd become very good at slamming the cage door on the snake before she'd even escaped.

He'd let his defenses slip too far he now realized. He'd begun to accept the presence of these two, begun to let himself be known. He'd let him mind become weak and now he was paying for it.

He wrestled with the snake-memory for what felt like an eternity, pain searing his vision, scar on fire with a fierce, burning pressure. Blood freely flowed down his neck, soaking through the layers of thick cloth he wore, stained his fingers black in the darkness as he clamped down on the gaping wound…

 _No._ That didn't have to happen, wasn't really happening right now. He was in control of this memory, he would not let Nagini bite him again tonight. With a herculean heave that was only possible through his practiced occulumency, he wrangled the beast into the crate and slammed the door. Nagini immediately began lashing out and biting at the bars of the cage, trying to attack, trying to escape. Transfiguring the wrought-iron into solid, thick steel plate, he shut the beast out of his mind completely.

With a deep breath of relief, he dropped the metal box into the lake that his mind had created so many years ago to seal away thoughts, memories, secrets.

Sagging against the sink, he continued to take deep breaths and began to center himself once again. "I am alive. I serve no master. Nightmares show the past. I am safe. I am alive. I serve no master. Nightmares…" he shuddered as his body continued to recover from the Nagini's mental attack. "Nightmares are defeated. The Dark Lord is dead. I am safe. I am alive."

He didn't know how long he continued with his mantra, but when he had finished the pain had vanished, his knuckles were no longer white from their grip on the sink, and his breathing had returned to normal.

He ventured a glance back at the mirror, pushing aside his fear that seeing the scar on his neck would once again trigger _hysterics_ as he deigned to name the debilitating flashbacks. He stood up straight and dared to look at himself. He avoided the deformity of his neck but examined his chest, remembering the origin of each curse scar, every cut and burn. The swath of skin that started on left side of his chest and extended under his arm that had the look of the surface of boiling water, as if popped bubbles had left shallow craters and rippled skin. _The Dark Lord had been so angry that night…_

There was a long, thin white line crossing his right forearm at a severe angle , a defensive wound earned at the night he'd tried to defend his mother against a drunk, angry, whisky bottle-wielding man called Father. The deep, thick, ropy raised scar across his bicep that he'd seen fit to give himself the night that Lily abandoned him. There were a thousand others, up and down his body. Small burns on his hands and wrists from years of potions accidents in the classroom, small areas of raised spidery lines emanating from a central disc-shaped scar that marked the entry point for the Cruciatus curse. He had a few of those.

And now he had yet more scars. He thought about the past two days, about Potter and Weasley. He thought about the comfort they'd given him, the softness. The kindness that burned his every fiber more completely than any well-placed curse ever could. The sweet defenses that Ginny offered against his own guilt were like knives sinking deeper into his flesh than he'd ever been able to cut himself. The desire in Ginny's eyes burned far hotter than the disdain and hatred he'd endured for years, disdain from others, from himself.

And then there was the Dark Mark. He flicked a quick finger, extinguishing the light in the bathroom.

"Miss Weasley," he asked after he'd settled between cool sheets. Trying to imbue his voice with as much bored, dispassionate venom as possible he continued, "What, pray tell, are you doing?" He wasn't sure he'd succeeded, but rationalized that he could content himself with bored curiosity.

"Trying to sleep, Sev," she retorted sarcastically. "May I ask what _you_ are doing?" she finished with a breathless fatigue.

"Point. What are you doing _here_?" he corrected. Before Ginny could respond, he corrected himself again, adding, "Instead of your own room?"

Ginny smiled impishly, Severus could tell even in the darkness. Ginny rolled over onto her side and scooted soft flesh against Severus' scarred and calloused skin. "Your Pleasure Room wasn't the only fantasy you let slip today," she said slyly, wrapping an arm around his chest and winding one perfectly sculpted leg between his. She settled her head on his pillow and exhaled slowly, her breath warming the sensitive skin of his ear and neck. "Besides, how else am I going to get here at 10 am sharp on a fucking Sunday?" Severus let out a short, throaty chuckle as she squeezed against him a bit more.

"And Mr. Potter? Where is he tonight?"

"One night, and all the sudden one nubile body in your bed is not enough, Severus?" she purred, chuckling.

Severus

"The boys are parting tonight," she began. "It's become quite a tradition, it seems. Saturday night they party, they drink, they holler like mad men, and they fuck each other stupid-"

"Really?" Severus interrupted, shocked.

"No, of course not!" she laughed, swatting him playfully. "They're boys, I have no idea what they do." After a beat she continued, "Come to think of it, they're _boys_ , who the fuck knows what they do with each other!" she laughed. "But," she continued, suddenly sounding a little too serious, "If Harry was buggering another bloke, he knows better than to not invite me," she finished decisively. Severus imagined her smiling wickedly and gave a soft snort of appreciation.

Severus thought for a moment about a raucous, drink induced house-wide debauchery. "No, Longbottom's presence ruins it for me," he said with a wolfish smile of his own.

Ginny let out a peal of laughter, adding, "Yeah, the year of the Tri-Wizard Cup I went to the Yule Ball with him, but that was because he was the _only_ Gryffindor boy who bothered to learn to dance! He's sweet, but…"

"Not someone I'd like to continue discussing whilst in my bed with a scantily clad nubile co-ed," he finished. "And you? What is the Head Girl supposed to do with rumors of raucous parties every Saturday? Fuck a professor?" he added, tugging on a lock of her flame red hair.

"Hermione takes Friday at 6 o'clock through Sunday at 6 so that I can have a bit of a rest from the parade of broken hearts and stressed out students. I would never have taken the job, otherwise," she said. "So whatever happens on Saturday night is Hermione's problem." She was running her finer in little designs on Severus' bare chest, feeling the contrast of his smooth skin and coarse chest hair. "Now, unless you have any other funny ideas of pillow talk, I am going to sleep. I have detention rather early in the morning, you know."

As Ginny settled in next to him and quickly drifted off to sleep, a small smile played across Severus' lips, betraying the agonizing ache of loss he felt knowing that he now had so much that could be taken away from him.

 _SSHPGW_

The next morning, Severus woke from what he hoped would be the first of many peaceful nights' sleep into a beautiful dream. It was around six in the morning, as was his daily routine, but the bright sunshine of a crisp fall morning streamed into his bedroom through enchanted windows. He breathed deeply of the calm, for once glad for the new day instead of dreading its trials. As he began to stir, he heard the covers shifting and an exhale that was not his own. A smile broke the porcelain-cold affect that was reflexive after so many years spent hiding himself; she'd stayed with him.

Instead of getting up and beginning his strict daily schedule, he scooted closer to the girl, the flaming red hair spread across pillows and sheets, moving closer to warm, pale skin dotted with cinnamon colored specks. He couldn't help but pick up a length of her hair just to touch it, to run his fingers down its silky length, to smell the soft, floral scent it held. She stirred when he cupped her face and placed the lightest of kisses on her plush cheek, but she simply rolled onto her side, draping an arm over Severus' chest. He breathed in the comfort of her embrace, content to sink back into the peaceful calm of the morning.

As he closed his eyes, though Ginny snaked her hand down under the covers and found his morning arousal. He grunted loudly as she gripped it and began stroking him with a firm, practiced hand. Regaining his breath, he looked over at Ginny, who had still had her eyes closed and her cheek scrunched against the pillow. Not about to do anything to disrupt the best morning he'd ever had, he closed his eyes focused on the pleasure she was administering to his still-sex-addled brain. It was over quickly enough, and as he got up to begin his morning, she simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

Severus felt a smile break out over his entire face. _Gods, a man could get use to all this_ , he thought to himself. _Of course, that means there's about to be an unexpected plot twist_ , he thought to himself wryly, imagining himself in a few of the muggle novels he'd read over the years. He'd been skeptical when Albus had gifted him the first book, but he'd been intrigued, and _Moby Dick_ was well worth the read. _I could have lived without quite so much deliberation on the uses of whale blubber_ , he staunchly maintained, but it had been a fantastic story. He had taken it as a sign of their friendship that Albus had invented a new route for trite lectures on living for revenge, chasing phantasm, and devoting oneself to the unattainable among a slew of others. All told, he'd really gotten quite use to Albus' pick-your-own-lecture concept, finding that not even Albus' meddling could ruin a good muggle novel.

He showered and dressed quietly, leaving Ginny sprawled across his bed and snoring softly, and settled in his high-backed chair across from the fire with one such novel and his morning coffee. He was still unsure about his newest novel, having just started it earlier that week, but he was intrigued. He'd heard some of the Muggle-born seventh-years talking about this particular book a few years ago and had written it down on his reading list. Toni Morrison's _Song of Solomon_ certainly was about the strangest setting that he'd ever read, and her characters were…intriguing. He particularly liked Sci-Fi, which seemed to him to be like his own magical reality set in space, where particularly nasty magical creatures were called "aliens." He liked how relatable those stories seemed to him. They were so approachable, so truly believable.

But the black experience in post-slavery America was so…disrupting. As if every character, every line was written for the sole purpose of making him question his very identity, the solidity of his existence. It was odd, feeling so alienated, and yet so entranced. And so he was pondering the existential problem of Macon Dead when a loud rap on the potions classroom door brought him out of Morrison's reverie.

 _How long have I been reading?_ He asked himself, trying to snap himself back to reality. The problem was, it was 10 o'clock, and his new reality did not seem at all realistic.

Tossing a murmur at the warded classroom door, he let Harry in and went to check on Ginny, who was just emerging from the shower dressed in a blue lacy tank top and khaki skirt. She was just applying a drying charm to her hair, and Severus watched with an odd fascination as she her deft fingers quickly braided her long fiery tresses.

"Wow, you clean up nice, Sev," she commented as she finished the braid and charmed a tie around the end.

"The same could be said, Ginny," he replied modestly. He hadn't exactly done anything unusual with his dress today, he thought. He'd put on the thick, tailored black trousers he favored and donned a luxurious cashmere sweater in a deep charcoal. _It seemed chilly in the dungeon this morning_ , he told himself. And it had been chilly. It was always chilly in the dungeon, but this morning he'd passed on one of his older, well-worn rib-knit sweaters in favor of the blissful feel of the fabric against his skin.

The two were still sizing each other up when Harry entered, dropping his school bag on the stone floor with a loud _thud_. "Looks like I've got good timing," he chuckled to himself, walking over to Ginny and giving her a kiss. "Good morning, Gin," he said softly. Turning, he looked at Severus with a lusty expression. "Any later and it seems I would have missed out on the fun again."

"I'm glad to hear that you now consider detention fun, Mr. Potter. I shall inform your other teachers presently," Severus continued dryly, "Or had you forgotten?" Severus saw the arousal creep into Harry's eyes as Severus cocked one eyebrow at him.

"I haven't forgotten, Professor," Harry began in a deep, heady voice. "I will brew for you today, but I thought I might be able to help you out with Ginny's detention, _Sir_ ," Harry finished with a gulp still staring his Potions Master in the eye heatedly.

Severus' breathing, among other things, had already begun to quicken. "I suppose… two punishments could be doled out in one detention, Mr. Potter, if you are so glutton as to seek it out." His mouth was suddenly very dry and the air was nearly crackling with the magically-charged sexual tension of the three. Ginny's chest and neck were beginning to color with a beautiful flush of arousal, her nipples already showing through the thin fabric of her camisole, and Harry's eyes took on a glassy sheen, his mouth dropping open slightly in uncontrolled desire.

Harry broke the trance. Gently cupping Severus' cheek, Harry guided Severus to a gentle kiss that quickly took on the fervor and heat of the ambient magics in the cold dungeon room. Severus groaned deeply into Harry's mouth; he desired Harry so strongly that in moments like this he couldn't think, couldn't feel anything but the burning heat of Harry's hand, the softness of his lips, the strength of his shoulders, back, as Severus grasped Harry and pulled his body to his own, trying to vanish the difference between them, trying to melt into Harry's inferno. Waves of desire crashed over his body when Harry pressed his hardened length to Severus' thigh, but they were soon overshadowed by a tsunami of pleasure when Harry grasped Severus through the thick fabric of his trousers. Severus felt his knees go slack and grunted involuntarily into Harry's mouth. He grabbed Harry's wrists and in a blur of movement had the boy pinned against the wall, hands above his head, eyes locked while they both caught their breath.

Still breathing heavily, Severus grabbed Harry's wrists and held them with one hand above the boy's head and pulled Harry's Chudley Cannons jersey up with the other, running his hand over the expanse soft, taut, tanned skin of the boy's chest. Severus bent down, running the tip of his tongue over one of Harry's nipples, eliciting a silky-sharp intake of breath from Harry. As Severus licked around the areola, he found himself pried off Harry and slammed into the stone wall himself. Severus bent his head and met Ginny's lips as she stood on her toes. Still holding him firmly, she matched the two boys in fervor with her own lusty desire.

With a quick flick of her wrist, Severus found himself with his hands cuffed above his head loosely. Weaving a hand in Severus' dark locks, the girl jerked Severus' head back, bearing his throat. Ginny mouthed lightly up the man's jaw, running the very lightest touch of her lips along Severus' ear, moving down to place the lightest of touches along the undamaged side of Severus' neck.

Cock throbbing painfully in his trousers now, he found himself involuntarily struggling against his bonds, pulling at his cuffed wrists, arching his back in vain attempts to press against his young lover. Placing a steadying hand against Severus' now heaving chest, Ginny released his hair, running her delicate hand along his hard, stubbled jaw, placing one finger against his lips before speaking. "I saw more than you realized yesterday, Severus." Squeezing his eyes tight, he fought his overwhelming arousal to focus on Ginny's words. _See…what is she talking about? What did she-_

"Can you trust me, Sev?" Ginny asked quietly. "Can you try?"

"Yes." His lips had formed the word before he'd even realized what she had asked, what he wanted. _This. I want this_. His voice had come out so thick, so deep with desire, with need. It shocked him that after so many years of fierce control, so many years of only letting out enough need to maintain his hold on the rest of himself that his ability to stop, to control his emotions and lusts and desires had disappeared so quickly, so completely. His eyes burned with the unshed tears of a lifetime of hurt, of pain and of shame and loneliness and anger and rigid _control_. Severus clenched his jaw against the crashing swells of fear and tried to regain control of his breathing once again.

"Are you with me, Severus?" Ginny asked, breaking the overwhelming tide flooding his mind.

Once again the word was on his lips before he knew what had been asked. "Yes, yes, I am here. What…what did you-" he stuttered.

"What I saw? I saw _you_ , Severus," she spoke the words so gently, with such calm that it rankled against Severus, it _itched_ against the back of his neck, between his shoulder blades.

"What does that even mean?" he muttered, suddenly acutely aware of his helplessness. He sagged, pulling at his irons with all his weight. He could feel the bonds biting into his skin, knew they would cut him long before he could wriggle his hands out and free himself, but he struggled all the same.

"Stop, stop," Ginny's voice was firm. A polite command, not a desperate plea. The soft command caught him off guard and he stopped struggling so that he could hear her voice, unaware that he had complied with her demand.

Slim finger, burning with warmth, tenderness, lifted his chin. "Look at me, Severus," she commanded again in that soft, subtle way. He complied again. "Do. You. Trust. Me?" As Severus started to answer reflexively again, she placed that slim finger against his lips. "Think, please."

Severus swallowed hard. He took a slow, deep, calming breath and looked into the girl's eyes. "Yes, I trust you," he admitted. "I don't know why," he confessed, looking away.

"I do," she supplied, and as he was going to ask she continued, "but that is not important. Right now I want you to trust me. I will not hurt you."

Severus flinched hard at the thought, but quickly regained his control as Ginny kept speaking. "I want to give you pleasure," she stated simply. "Pleasure beyond the releases you have allowed yourself all these years. Pleasure born of trust, of respect." She paused here.

 _What could she be looking at?_ his mind raced. _Why is she staring so?_

"I am taking your control, Severus, so that I can give you rest, give you what you desire. You must know, however, that you control me, that you have power. If you say stop, if it becomes too much for you, simply say so and it will stop. Do you understand?"

This time Severus waited a breath before answering, "yes," eyes squeezed tight in fear and anticipation.

He felt soft, supple lips against his in the barest of touches, felt her small, hot fingers tracing along his chest, down his sides even through the thick warmth of his sweater. He opened his eyes, daring to watch as Ginny's hands reached the waist of his trousers and traced the line that separated cloth from skin. Slowly, always slowly, painfully slowly, she slid her hands underneath his sweater, burning his warm skin with the heat of arousal. As she brushed a thumb against his nipple she leaned in placed her lips against his in a slow, patient kiss. Some part of him wanted to suppress the groan that welled up at the intensity of their contact, but he released his need to control his desires and let out a throaty groan that surprised him in its depth and tenor.

As his voice rumbled through his chest, Ginny's fingers dug into of Severus' exposed chest, digging the barest of furrows into his scarred skin. She broke their kiss and he worked to catch his breath as she slowly inched his sweater up, up, up to his neck, over his chin which she kissed lightly, kissed his jaw, his cheek. As the sweater rose above his nose she stopped, the incredible material covering his eyes. She flipped the hem of the sweater over his head, leaving the neck of the sweater securely covering his eyes and covered his mouth with hers. His anxiety dissipated as she deepened the fervor of the kiss until all he could think, all he could _feel_ was this, her lips and tongue and hands, the heat they exchanged. When she parted her lips from his, removed her hands, he caught his breath against the ache of loss.

Ginny whispered his name in his ear, the sultry subtleness surprising him with its closeness. " _Severusss…"_ He let the word linger in his mind, excitement filling the dull ache he'd had a moment before.

"Yesss," he replied, realizing that he should answer the unspoken question. _I trust you._

"I have several…implements. You are familiar with them, but not with the way that I wish for you to experience them."

"Acceptable," he muttered.

"Do you wish me to describe what will happen as we proceed?"

Her accommodations for his fear were sweet and gentle. "No." He did not deserve sweet and gentle and did not want it now.

 _Thwack._ He gulped audibly at the surprise but was filled with a heady rush at the mild sensation of what he knew to be a short, rigid riding crop tipped in a broad piece of supple leather. Thwack, thwack. Twice more centered on his toned abs, just as mildly.

"Harder," he stated with cold desire.

"No," Ginny stated with finality. Running the riding crop up his chest, she teased the same nipple she'd attended before. _Thwack_ , just as softly, on his sensitive nipple. He jumped back from the unexpected jolt of intensity, breath hitching in his throat.

He felt the soft leather press gently on his nipple, which calmed the intensity still flowing from the small bundle of nerves.

"Ok?" he heard her soft, silky voice.

"Yes."

 _Thwack, thwack, thwack_ , on his abdomen again, then _thwack!_ on the bud, sharply. He sucked in his breath, mind flooded with the sharp pain. As he felt hot, warm wetness slide over the now engorged nipple he shuddered almost violently, and cried out as he felt Ginny slowly blow over the wet skin. His insides twisted and a strange, alien sound escaped his lips. He realized that he'd jumped away from the sensation again and straightened. He twisted his hands around and gripped the chains tightly, steading himself. Ginny pressed the swath of leather against his nipple once again, taking the overwhelming sensations back down to a manageable level.

"So responsive, isn't he Harry?" Ginny cooed.

 _Thwack, thwack thwack thwack,thwack thwack, thwack_ on his abdomen in quick succession. An appreciative groan escaped Severus' lips. "Harder," he said, mouth so thick with arousal he was barely able to growl out the word.

"Why?"

"Need. Pain… easier." His own voice sounded foreign in his ears.

"I told you, I'm not going to hurt you. I didn't just mean to reassure you, Severus."

The crop whispered over what Severus knew would be bright pink skin, teasing the nerves there, flooding Severus with delicate tingles, twinges, a million different sensations he couldn't readily identify.

The crop moved its way up, slowly slithering up his side, eliciting sharp, painful needle pricks from the scar shaped like boiling water, and he reveled in the familiar pain. He felt the crop continue up to caress along his jaw as he focused all his attention on the pain that was still ghosting along his side. Crop became hand moving slowly across his face, exploring stubbled skin, angular cheeks, pale skin, ears hidden by lengthy tresses. Turning into her touch, he inhaled the soft floral scent that lingered still on her hair, nosed into the silky locks, losing himself in the closeness, the intimacy.

 _Thwack_. A little harder this time, and surprising. He heard a chuckle escape Harry's mouth and flashes of the boy stole his breath. He was enthralled by Ginny. She had crept up underneath his defenses and caused a confusion of attraction he hadn't experienced since he was a teenager. He _desired_ Harry. Had desired him for some time. More than was exactly appropriate. He'd become a man earlier than Wizarding Law, and he'd suffered long lonely nights thinking of his tight physique as he swirled high above the quidditch pitch, thinking of those lovely eyes, the boy's square shoulders, strong arms, impish grin. His cock strained painfully against his trousers as Harry began interacting with them, _thwack thwack thwacking_ Severus' abdomen until the skin there burned with pure unarguable lust.

He was on the edge, about to beg to be freed, beg to be granted sweet release when Harry began tearing at Severus' trousers, yanking pants and boxers down. Breathing heavily with anticipation he lolled his head back, resting it against the stone wall, straining to control his body's reactions. He was so very ready for release, but wanted more. Wanted Harry. Wanted Harry's lips on his thick member, wanted his cock inside Harry's thrashing ass. Finally freed, he gulped air as Harry clenched onto his scrotum and pulled while pressing a thumb against his perineum, tamping down his climax.

Panting with need, all he could think about was his throbbing member _Thwack thwack thwackthwackthwack, thwack thwack thwack_ on the inside of one thigh. He groaned and collapsed, the swirling arousal kept at bay and the sting that soared through his body making him weak in the knees. He redoubled his grip on the chains and began to whimper softly.

"Please," he heard himself say.

"Don't cum, Severus." It was a direct order from Ginny and brokered no disagreement. "Not until I say that you can. Do you hear me?"

Tring to regain control of his breathing, he didn't immediately answer as Harry was now running firm, calloused hands over the angry flesh of his thigh, calming the sensations and managing to excite him all at the same time; Harry's hands were so close to his weeping cock.

 _THWACK!_ "Do you hear me?" Ginny demanded with a severe smack to Severus' very sensitive abs.

"Yes!" he panted. "Yes, I won't cum," he said, only sparing a fraction of a second to consider how quickly he'd come to see Ginny's requests as orders as to be followed without hesitation.

No one touched him for a few seconds, clear to all that Severus was barely containing an impending orgasm. After what felt like an eternity to Severus, he felt a sudden and unwelcomed _swat!_ Along the top of his member. He turned his hips away involuntarily and sagged on his bonds once again, but his imminent orgasm fell farther away at the cruel touch.

"I like to see you this way, Severus," Ginny purred. "Trussed up like this, a hair's breadth from breaking into a million pieces," she continued, this time much closer. He flinched in surprise when he felt her delicate fingers whisper over his chest, tracing delicate designs over his as of yet untormented flesh. He groaned at the lightness that felt so heavy, like her feather-touches sank through his skin and toyed with his heart, setting it to racing ever faster, set his lungs ablaze with need. "Completely out of control," she purred sensually, hot breath searing his ear. "Free. I like to see you free, Severus. Do you like it? The way I can set you free?"

Severus felt a growl emerge from an impossible depth, "Yessss."

Now her impossibly perfect hand cupped the side of his face, tilted it towards her lilting voice. "Yes what, Severus? What do you like?"

"I like," Severus began, mind in a thick fog. "Buttons…" he began lamely. Ginny and Harry both laughed heartily at his chosen word. Severus shook his head a little, trying to order his thoughts.

"Yes," Harry laughed deeply, "you certainly do like buttons. There are so many buttons on your clothes."

Severus took a deep, calming breath and stood properly, forcing his mind to work. "Symbols," he started. "Help with Occulmency," he started, shaking his head.

"Yes?" Ginny asked, asking for more.

"Defense. Protect me. So no one knows." He sighed as Ginny cupped his cheek again.

"So no one knows what, Sev? What are you hiding?" she asked gently, sliding her hand up his face, pushing the soft blinding fabric up, off his eyes, over his head. She laced her fingers with his above his head and locked gazes with him.

It was too easy to loose himself in the depths of her eyes. Emotion coursed through him and he wanted to weep and to laugh and to just be still and stare into her eyes forever. "Be unbuttoned," he finally answered. "I want to be open." Ginny leaned in as he continued. "Lose control." Closer. "Want you to know," he said so softly as she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He felt her magic this time, like when she'd touched his scars. Intensity and pleasure. Somehow…healing… It burned his lips. "me," he finished.

"Yes, Severus. I want to know you, I want to know everything," she began. Harry stepped forward now, and Severus was drawn to stare at his intoxicating form. Muscles rippled lightly beneath tanned skin as Harry reached a hand behind Severus, gripping his ass tightly with broad, calloused hands. Ginny her mouth to his again, this time bringing an intensity to her magic-infused touches. He sighed into her kiss and Ginny took the opportunity to dart her tongue across Severus' lips. Severus' eyes lolled back and he shuddered as Harry pushed bodily against Severus, their erections pressing against each other. Ginny retook Severus' mouth, this time Severus explored Ginny's mouth, running his tongue against her teeth. Ginny giggled through a groan of pleasure. In retaliation, Ginny grasped Severus' bottom lip with her teeth and tugged playfully, gazing up at him from heavy lidded eyes. Severus gasped in surprise as Harry grasped both cocks and began slowly, agonizingly slowly, stroking up and down, twisting a little, then up again, circling their weeping heads and massaging the slick fluid down both of their lengths. Ginny had Severus' mouth trapped so it was Harry who gave a loud moaning grunt as Severus began bucking into Harry's hand.

One more stroke, two. Pause. _Oh, Gods, don't stop, keep going, just one more, I have to…_ "I'm going to cum," he burst out through the heated kiss, eyes scrunched up tight with tension, hips bucking wildly against Harry's hand. Suddenly no one was touching him. There was no hot mouth pressing against his, no calloused hand squeezing his ass, and no carefully slow strokes on his throbbing cock. He bucked his hips involuntarily, seeking purchase against anything, but he thrust in vain. Severus ground his teeth in frustration. The coil of tension in his belly was so strong he felt he would fly apart with the barest whisper of touch.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" he screamed when he felt a light _smack!_ of the crop on his engorged cock. Open his eyes, he panted as Harry approached him with the crop again, unsure if his reaction was from excitement and arousal or fear of pain. Harry grabbed Severus by the shoulder roughly and turned him away from the wall slightly. Fingers digging into Severus' shoulder painfully, Harry brought the crop to bear on Severus' muscular ass.

 _THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACKTHWACKTHWACK. THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK!_ Unbidden tears were streaming down his face as his hide was quickly overwhelmed by the intensity of Harry's ministrations, every exhale accompanied by a loud noise emanating from deep inside of Severus. Severus heard a clattering sound; Harry had cast the infernal crop aside and was now massaging the angry, stinging skin of his backside. Suddenly Harry grasped both of Severus' thighs and lifted. Instinctively, Severus wrapped his legs around harry tightly and redoubled his grip on the chains above his head.

The coiled tension in his belly, the heat in his groin ratcheted up another notch when Severus forced his eyes open and took in the heady visual: his own legs wrapped around Harry Potter in his nude glory, eyes glassy with need. Ginny was just a few inches away to one side, still clothed in that tiny pale blue tank top, nipples betraying her own arousal. As he watched, she grasped the hem of the cloth and brought it slowly up, inching it up over her pale skin. It must have happened in just a second but the image burned itself into his mind, one flesh-covered rib after another. Then the curve of one breast, now the other. Engorged nipples with delicate silver rings attached. _Pierced?_ he spared a thought. _No, I would have seen before._ She tossed her tank casually behind her and grasped one of the rings that had captured his attention. Her face twisted in ecstasy as she twisted and pulled the ring viciously, a light moan escaping her swollen lips. He was so engrossed in the wanton image that he hadn't registered Harry shifting underneath him until he felt Harry's intrusion.

He let out a loud, fierce cry as Harry let Severus' own body weight sink Harry's every inch inside him. So flushed with arousal he continued to pant as his cock twitched and jerked about on the red, angry skin of his abdomen. "So close, don't stop, please, let me cum," he cried. Harry paused for a moment and Severus saw him gritting his teeth against desire. Severus began to buck and squirm along Harry's length, clenching rhythmically around Harry's waist and against the chains. Ginny was now naked, one hand tormenting a nipple with what Severus now realized was a delicate-looking clamp. Ginny's other disappeared into her heat. As he watched, she moved her fingers to her lips, teasing the tips of her fingers with her darting tongue. She sauntered over toward Severus and Harry and offered her middle finger to Severus, who accepted it and melted at the taste of her cunt. Severus sucked and licked the sex off her finger and whimpered a little at the loss when she extricated the digit. He was not disappointed for long, however, as she began to work the fluid of her heat over and around his painfully hard cock. Sucking in a sharp breath, he could feel the muscles in his neck tighten into thick, ropy cords, back arching, chest tightening, every muscle clenching at the perfect sensation.

Harry seemed to lose control at Severus' sudden clenching and began thrusting in and out of Severus. He couldn't take anymore. His body couldn't hold off his climax, he knew. "I have to…" he sputtered, breath coming in ragged heaves. "Gods, please!"

Harry suddenly slowed, so close to stopping altogether that it was its own kind of pain, too light a pleasure to do anything but drive Severus crazy.

Ginny pinched the head of his penis, thumb and finger pinching off the glans. He gave an agonized groan as his orgasm ebbed, but just a little less than before. After an agonizing few seconds, Harry began to move more, aggressively, rapidly now. _Hard, so hard_ … "Fuck me hard!" he screamed, entire body clenching around Harry with each thrust. "Fuck me- uhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" he groaned, staring agape as Ginny bent over his length and took it in her mouth.

The tension snapped in his belly and his release was hard, painfully intense. Harry grunted and thrust violently against Severus as his orgasm induced thick, rhythmic spasms against Harry's cock. Ginny swirled her tongue around Severus' ejaculating member, taking his length all the way to the back of her throat where her deep moan vibrated perfectly against the head of his cock. As she swallowed everything he had to give her the constriction of her gulps blinded him. He lost track of how long Harry and Ginny rode him, but he was well past limp when Harry released his legs down to the ground. Harry kept a hand against Severus' chest, supporting him against the wall for which he was grateful, as he pressed his lips against Severus' mouth hungrily, the younger man forcing himself into Severus' mouth to explore his professor's velvety heat.

Harry unbuckled the thick bonds keeping Severus upright and helped him to the ground, fluttering his supple lips along Severus' skin on the way down to the cold stone floor. Severus' young lover flipped the man over roughly after having laid him down so softly upon the stone. He responded with a simple groan at the bundle of contradictions. He wanted more.

Severus felt Harry's fingers dig deep into his hips and was abruptly pulled back onto his knees. Still completely spent, Severus was completely pliant to Harry's whims. _Submissive_ , he thought derisively. _That's a new one._ Before he could disparage himself too much, however, Harry began pushing his thick cock back in to Severus' abused hole. Severus began shuddering uncontrollably. He lost all sense of himself as Harry sheathed himself completely and pulled Severus up to lean against Harry's chest, wrapping one around the older man's chest. As Harry began a slow, rhythmic thrusting he ran the other hand down and began stroking Severus' flaccid member with feather-light touches. There was no way that Severus was going to be able to fully respond to Harry's touches, but he was so very sensitive after his completion that Harry was driving him over the edge anyway. Severus wasn't sure how he was able to accept the younger man's continued punishment, but Harry held him tightly as he increased his pace.

Without any warning, Severus found his face pressed into the cold stone, Harry crouched over his back, slamming his cock into Severus repeatedly while pressing a hand against Severus' face. _Submissive…_ the word floated through his mind with a surprising thrill, his limp body electrified at Harry's control.

Harry finished quickly, crying out wildly, back arched as muscles clenched hard. Harry collapsed on top of Severus with great Heaving breaths. Neither man moved as Ginny flicked her wand and levitated the spent and panting men to the bed. Severus was grateful to be off the cold, hard stone and fluttered his eyes closed as Harry shifted behind him, curling around Severus protectively.

"Yes, I'd say that Harry did in fact enjoy his detention." Severus barely registered Ginny's comment as she continued, "but I wouldn't alert the other faculty quite yet," she finished, flushed with laughter as she crawled into the bed to join them for a good lie in.


	11. Chapter 11

HELLO! This chapter has been updated for continuity 4/29/17

Thank you, Helensdragon, for letting me know! I've been writing this story for so long that it was bound to happen. If you find something that doesn't make sense or contradicts what I've written somewhere else *PLEASE* PM me! I promise I won't get mad (as long as you're nice...), 'cause it's downright embarrassing to change your own cannon mid-story! Back to your regularly scheduled reading... -cinder

xXx

Severus gave a sigh and closed the book he had been trying to read and dropped it to the floor beside his chair. _Accio Firewhiskey,_ he thought as he poured a little magic through the intention. It was only 9 o'clock in the evening on a Wednesday, but he couldn't seem to string two intelligible thoughts together all afternoon anyway. _Thoughts about anything but the two brats, anyway,_ he commented wryly to his own internal dialog.

The castle was always under much tighter scrutiny by the teachers and prefects alike during the week and although they were all consenting adults, none of the three of them was all that excited about getting caught. So their trysts were confined to the weekends.

Monday he'd been just fine reminiscing about Sunday afternoon spent with Harry in his bed. Tuesday he'd made use of the Penseive to view himself at their mercy on Sunday morning. _If I don't quit acting like a randy teenager, I'm going to rub my sodding cock raw and throw my back out at the same time._ He snorted loudly at the thought of presenting himself in such a state to Poppy for healing. Though he was finding himself entirely too amused by his thoughts, he really did have a rapidly growing stack of Professoring to do, grading potions and essays, preparing for his classes…

He was entirely uninterested in doing any of that.

On a whim, he took the bottle of Firewhiskey that he'd _Accio'd_ and moved to the work table in his private lab. _Whiskey in the lab. Not a good idea._ He grabbed a stack of blank parchment and began experimenting.

xXx

He eyed the 7th year students keenly as they filed into the dark potions classroom. It was a particularly perverse pleasure of his, staring down each of his students as they entered his classroom every day. He particularly enjoyed it when he could get one of the younger students to squeak from a single look. Students quickly learned not to make eye contact with him if they could avoid it, but they usually remained quite touchy throughout their stint with him.

Without fail, Longbottom satisfied him with a ridiculous blush though the boy was still staring intently at his own shuffling feet.

Potter and Weasley strode full of confidence and hand in hand, however. "Mr. Potter, Miss Weasley, 20 points from Gryffindor for inappropriate, unrestrained _mirth_ ," Severus bellowed with as much bile as he could muster as he leaned over his desk menacingly. " _Each_ ," he added as an afterthought as he turned and began to lecture. He was very glad indeed that he'd been teaching this class for so many years as he could recite the lecture without sparing a thought, which allowed him the brainpower to ensure that his teaching robes remained in such a position as to hide his burgeoning hardon.

By the end of the lecture he was comfortable enough in his robes to distribute corrected essays to the students. He wandered the rows as his students furiously scribbled down the instructions for their homework, setting each scroll next to its author. He paused after he delivered Gin- Weasley's scroll and whispered in a low growl, "I do hope you find my notes at the end… _illuminating_ , Miss Weasley."

The girl glanced at him quizzically, but his only response was a sinfully meaningful arched eyebrow. He moved on to deliver the next scroll and couldn't hold back a small smirk when he heard the girl searching through her assignment looking for his" illuminating" notes.

xXx

 _Took you long enough,_ He wrote quickly in his distinctively spiky scrawl.

 _I was in class all day, and then we had practice! And it's not like I could have asked Hermione for help, now, is it?_

Severus snorted at the image of Hermione figuring out the riddle only to discover the hidden password, _Severus is a sexy bitch_ scrawled at the end of Ginny's potions essay.

 _Bloody brilliant, Sev, just brilliant!_ Potter's messy scratch appeared in brilliant green to distinguish him from Ginny's sparkling blue. Severus replied, his own lettering appearing in deep, deepest black, _Write The Prophet, I can die in peace, The Boy Who Stank at Potions was impressed by a simple bit of magic!_

 _I am a NEWT student of yours, am I not?_

 _Not for long if you keep this up, Potter._

 _Boys, boys- please, can we focus? The point is that my boyfriend of six months couldn't be bothered to remember my birthday-_

 _Hey, I got you a present!_ Harry interjected.

 _You SOOOOOO forgot, for Merlin's sake, you bought me two chocolate frogs and a bag of pranks from my brother's store!_

 _But-_

 _Git._

 _Right? And my MAN-friend gave me the best thing to happen to illicit affairs since-_

 _The contraceptive charm?_ Severus interjected again. This was going to be a lot of fun.

 _So, Sexy Bitch, did you have anything in particular in mind when you made these brilliant little fuckers?_ She asked in blue.

 _I was thinking I couldn't wait until Friday to tell you what a fucking incredible lay you are._

 _Thanks, I have heard that, but It's always nice to have it in writing_ , Potter scrawled in a lovely shade of green.

 _Cocksucker._

 _That was most recently you, Sexy Bitch, remember?_ Harry replied in his messy green scrawl.

 _Ok, play nice, boys. I think we can all agree that you BOTH are cocksuckers and that I am indeed an incredible lay._

Severus nearly snorted his Firewhisky upon reading that.

 _I've been so fucking hard for days-_

 _Harry, shut up, you're always hard. Severus, I mean, our Sexy Little Bitch was just telling us how hot and bothered we both make him. Let him finish! I'm all worked up thinking that I was the reason he was keeping his robes closed today._

 _Fuck, you knew? Fucking shit, fuck…_

 _Sev, in the history of all that is Holy, we are the only two students to have such a death wish as to imagine what Lil Sev gets up to under all that black_ , came the response in Green.

 _Damnit, I'm so fucking wet right now. And I'll never look at closed robes the same way again…_

 _If you were here in my rooms-_

 _Yes?_

 _I would push you against the wall, rough, like I know you like it. Pull your sweater up, tease your nipples-_

 _Gods, yes,_

 _Kiss you, bite and pull at your nipples_

 _FUCK_ came in green

 _Sev!_ in Blue.

 _Slide my hand up your thigh, rub you through your knickers 'till you beg me_

 _I need you right now_ in blue

 _And?_ appeared in green

 _Maybe I should wait until you beg_ , Severus scratched out, pouring himself more fire whiskey and waiting.

xXx

"So you're telling me that a seventh year who is fulfilling all of her duties in and out of class is worth talking about at length in a staff meeting because she might be sleeping with her boyfriend? Why then do we not talk of half the student population every other week?" Severus asked snidely.

"Severus, you of all people know what she went through-"

"DON'T." he bit out in a tone of warning. "Do not dare tell me what I do and do not know of the things that have happened in this castle," he said, fuming. "Don't you dare."

"You're right, Severus. I am sorry for my unfortunate choice of words," Minerva backtracked. "I mean to say that I think that she's behaving a little out of character," she finished.

"Poppy, does the girl request any sleeping potions?" he asked after a moment.

Startled by the question, the healer knitted her brows before answering, "No, I don't believe she's been to see me all year, as a matter of fact."

"As the Head Girl does not share a room with any other students who might know her sleeping patterns, perhaps you might inquire after her sleep quality before confronting her supposed promiscuity," Severus finished curtly. "Or should I already be aware that she is the only one of us whose sleep has not suffered?" he finished, setting his tea cup down and making his exit from the Headmistress' office amidst claims that the meeting had not finished.

xXx

 _We need to talk_ , he penned absently after the staff meeting and went about his day without sparing the statement another thought.

When he confirmed over dinner that her lunchtime daggers had not been a fluke he thought he should check to see if she had replied.

 _That's ominous,_ in blue.

 _Rough morning thinking what in Merlin's name we could 'need to talk' about- hoping you respond over lunch_ , another blue entry.

 _Really, Severus Snape? You're going to write that before I even wake up and not tell me what the hell you're on about by dinner? You're a sodding git._

The last entry just read, _FUCK YOU_

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair before finally replying. _I simply meant to impart that I have something to discuss with you, and I should think in person would be preferable. I apologize for my thoughtlessness. Please inform your friends that I have seen fit to assign you detention this evening; you may make up whatever offense you wish and set it for what time may be convenient. Come to my office. I will deal with Draco. -S_

Almost as soon as Severus had secreted the parchment and set down his quill Draco had entered the potions classroom, settling himself at his regular desk and pulling books and parchment out of his book bag.

"Draco, come here," Severus called from his office in a tired voice. The boy's head snapped up at the sound of his name and Severus thought he saw a hint of fear in his godson's eyes.

"Take a seat, please."

"Yes, sir," he said, taking the usually rickety seat opposite Severus' desk which he had already seen fit to transfigure into a fairly comfortable wingback armchair for the evening.

Severus leaned his elbows on the desk as he considered his godson. The war had not been kind to the Malfoys, least of all the boy before him. Merely two years ago his godson had been an arrogant brat who wanted for nothing but the opportunity to trade on his family name and prove himself worthy of power in his own right. He had been vital, strong, and intelligent. Pretty. He'd had friends, and there seemed to have always been a girl somewhere close. The boy before him now looked gaunt and sallow, with sunken features and a twitchy temperament. Severus had seen the boy pick at his meals in the Great Hall, never engaging with other students, hardly glancing up from his plate. When the boy was in class or in the hall, he seemed to determinately look at nothing and no one in particular, and he had gone from the top of Severus' class to scraping an E.

"I wish I knew what to say to you, Draco," he started lamely. "I wish I knew how to help you."

"Sir?" Draco asked, his face a blank mask but his eyes harboring fear again.

"Would you like to talk about anything?" he asked, hopeful.

Draco stared intently at the top button of Severus' frock coat for a three count, seeming to weigh his options. "Actually, yes," Draco began, turning to retrieve his potions text from his book bag. "I had actually been wondering about the restorative properties of-"

"I wasn't talking about homework, Draco."

Draco's eyes remained glazed and lifeless, but his face contorted into "crestfallen" and he began to pack up his bag and stand. "I'm sorry for bothering you, Professor, I'll just check the library, then, Sir," he stated quickly and it seemed like the boy was trying for the exit before Severus could say another word. "Thank you, sir," his godson said in final greeting, backing out of the classroom door straight into Ginny. Blushing furiously, Draco's face took on the look of barely contained rage. "Watch it, Weaslet," he spat as he bowled past her and into the corridor.

Ginny turned to Severus, brows furrowed in confusion. "Was that…" she began, closing the door to the classroom and tossing a silencing charm behind her. Severus flicked his fingers and warded the door as Ginny stalked down the length of the classroom, past rows of potions work stations and the large desk at the front sitting just in front of the chalk boards and into Severus' office. "Is that what you think 'dealing with Draco' means?" she asked, somewhere between bewildered and affronted. "I told you, you're going to have to help him, and in case you are completely dense you just set yourself back-"

Severus had let the girl continue, willing to wait until she realized to whom she was sending such cutting words. It was entirely worth it just for the color of her blush as she took note of Severus' crossed arms and arched brow as she was about to take her seat.

"…Sir," she managed to finish lamely, dropping her gaze to the large expanse of desk between them. He waited for a beat and only burst out with a throaty laugh after he'd heard her shuffling her feet lamely.

"Sit, Ginny, please," Severus gestured to chair and the two took a minute to collected themselves, Ginny to calm her blush and restore her courage, and Severus to tamp down his mirth.

Severus watched the girl as she settled on the edge of the comfortable chair, clearly still off balance. Severus sighed and raked a hand through his long hair. "Yes, I am well aware that I am completely dense." He glanced up at her silence; she had turned beet red again and he cringed.

"I seem to be making quite a number of mistakes today, don't I?" He stood from his chair and walked to stand in front of her, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the edge of the desk. "I have no idea how to deal with Draco. I don't know what's going on-"

"Yes you do," she cut him off, this time continuing despite the color flashing in her cheeks. "Of course you do." When he gave her a curious glance she gave her head a little shake and continued. "His parents aren't in Azkaban, but everyone knows that's just because they bribed their way out of prison by paying for the school to be rebuilt. Did you know they hardly even leave the manor anymore? I saw Narcissa with Draco in Diagon Alley right before school started and everyone was glaring at them. This one lady even spat at her! I thought she was going to cry. Everyone in the school knows that Draco took the Mark and was the one who let Greyback and Bellatrix in the school two years ago, and that he was supposed to kill the Headmaster-"

"I killed the Headmaster, Ginny," he said quietly.

"Yes. But everyone knows that it was Draco who should have, who couldn't. Everybody knows. And Crabe and Goyle didn't come back this year, and neither did Pansy. It's just him and Blaize and Theo, and they weren't ever really with the Death Eaters, so he's really the only one here, the only Death Eater-"

"Ginny!" Severus was beginning to get frustrated with the girl. "You know that he was forced to take the mark, that he was never a Death Eater. I'm one who volunteered for that particular pleasure." he muttered darkly, rubbing absently at his left forearm.

"Stop it, Sev. Stop torturing yourself!"

"Like I tortured you? Like I tortured Longbottom? Believe me, Ginny, I've done much more than what I did to you."

"Stop being an idiot for long enough to look around you, Severus!" she was in a frenzy now, her hair whipping about her as she paced, chair long forgotten, hands tossed about providing emphasis. "Just…" she sighed heavily and stopped. "Just…get your head out of your ass long enough to see that other people are hurting, too," she finished quietly, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. Still staring at the floor between his feet, he placed a hand over the top of hers and squeezed lightly. The two stood like that for a few minutes, enjoying the calm, simple contact.

"I'm sorry," he said at last, placing his velvety lips against her strong, delicate fingers. Ginny wrapped him into a simple embrace with his head resting against her chest as one might comfort a child. The move was so utterly necessary, so utterly natural to them both that Severus didn't give a thought to how unnatural the position _should_ have felt. How out of character it was for them both. She gently stroked his smooth black locks and he breathed deeply of her steading presence, her solidness. He'd lived as shifting sand, moving like a fluid between two sides, infiltrating the tiniest crevices only to recede, to change, to alter again, to unite with the opposition, and unfailingly to flow back again. The only solidity he'd lived for twenty years was death. He'd survived.

He felt the ebb and flow of her breath, her life. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment that simultaneously stretched for a precious glimpse of eternity and sharply, acutely meaningless. He woke to himself with Ginny's hand stroking his jet black locks and gently disengaged. He took a moment to center himself, to occlude his melancholy, his existential questions and the excruciating peace that the girl could produce with a single look, a simple touch. All of it, he shut it away. "Thank you for calling me on my shit."

Ginny sat back down, crossing her arms and smiling. "You're welcome."

Severus snorted in reply. "While I'm apologizing for my idiocy, I suppose I should mention that I didn't intend to scare you this morning. I didn't mean to ignore you, either. I…" he sighed again. "I honestly just didn't think."

Now it was Ginny's turn to snort, which made Severus smile just a little.

"It's Minerva. She brought it up during our bi-weekly staff torture session. She's worried about you. Says she knows you're not sleeping in your own room much, thinks you're…promiscuous," he said plainly.

"Oh, this year she notices?" she said hotly. "Last year she didn't know that I was getting called to the Slytherin dorm every other night, but now she notices that I'm not sleeping in my bed on the weekends?" She had her head in her hands now, but he didn't think she was crying. "How does she know?" she asked after a moment

"She didn't say. Perhaps a student has come to knock and you weren't there?"

"No, everyone knows that Hermione is like co-Head Girl. The little ones like to go to her, anyway. More comforting, I guess," she said quietly.

"Perhaps the house elves have reported your perfectly made beds," he mused. "I will try to find out what exactly she knows and how. In the meantime, I made it quite clear how absurd and inappropriate it is to discuss this matter, particularly during a meeting with the entire faculty. You have not slacked in your schoolwork, your duties to the school or to your house team. I deflected as best I could without drawing suspicion-"

"Merlin, Sev, you shouldn't have," she started, suddenly very concerned.

"On the contrary, Miss Weasley," he continued with an evil little grin. This is what I do." He caught his mistake and gave his head a little shake. "What I did, in any case, for so long. Misdirection. Half-truths, convincing plausibility. Questions wrapped with irritation. Frankly it would have been very much out of character if I had not commented on the inappropriate nature of imagining the sexual exploits of any one particular seventeen-year-old girl during a staff meeting."

Ginny blushed with indignant fury, the image of her professors having tea and biscuits and calling her a slut roiling her stomach and making her sick.

"When Minerva comes to ask you about your sleep, just answer honestly."

"My sleep?" she asked, the apparent change of topic snapping out of her angry reverie.

"Yes, I suggested that before they confront you with supposed promiscuity they simply inquire as to the quality of your sleep, which is an entirely plausible explanation for why you may not be utilizing your room."

"So I'm supposed to tell Professor McGonagall that I'm not sleeping?"

"Just tell her the truth, whatever that is," he advised. "It's best be completely honest when obscuring the truth or lying."

Ginny stared at him for a moment, contemplating the complexity, the history behind his words. She dropped her gaze to her hands that were neatly folded in her lap. "The truth is I can't sleep when I'm alone. How did you know?" she asked, head still bowed and gazing at him from underneath thick auburn lashes.

He took her in for a moment. She seemed so strong, so perfectly whole, but he was beginning to see the cracks. The way her shoulders sagged as if carrying the weight of the world. The way her typically beautifully maintained fingernails now had scabbed, scarred cuticles as if she'd spent every waking moment over the last few years picking at them. When she finally looked up at him he finally saw her smoldering, smoky gaze for what it was: charms trying to cover the deep, bruise-like tinge of sleeplessness surrounding her eyes.

"I'm sure you know that I brew almost all of the potions in use here at Hogwarts," he began softly.

"I'd assumed, yes," she agreed, unsure of his point.

"Since… the battle," he paused, gulping air and absently fingering the cloth at his neck covering the cratered scar. "Nearly everyone on staff takes Dreamless Sleep, Ginny. Many of the students take various sleeping draughts as well, some who were not even here at the end. You are not alone." Heavy silence ruled the office for a long moment as they both thought, remembered. "I didn't make a habit of prowling the castle at night on the off chance I might catch a wayward student, Ginny. I don't sleep. I would be very surprised if you slept well. You've been through so much."

"Harry sneaks into my room when he can, and it's better," she said quietly. "But…" she trailed off, seemingly unsure if she should voice her thought. "I sleep best when I'm here," she said in a bit of a rush before meeting his gaze again. "I feel…safe. No bad memories here."


	12. Chapter 12

Hey, y'all,this is to (maybe?) make up for it taking me so long to update last time! But hold the applause, 'cause this one's pretty dark. Trigger warnings for self-harm. A/N at the bottom- keep that in mind before you write a big long rant at me. All the rest of the usual disclaimers and warnings. Thanks -cinder

/

My heart is pounding, chest so tight, surely I am bursting. Clenching my jaw, biting my cheek, biting it harder, harder now. _Good_ , the sting of tears falls back a bit. _Try to take a normal breath- what is that, anyway? So hard to fake breathing._ Writing, writing… _Class is almost over and then I can…no, can't think about that right now. I_ squeeze my left hand into a fist until my nails dig painfully into my palm.

So alone. _I will sit by Ron and Harry and Hermione at lunch and they will not see me, won't notice I'm there. It's not supposed to be like this! My brothers can't stand to look at me, don't even talk to me in the Common Room. My roommates…they don't like me. I don't have nice clothes, or do spells on my hair, or put on make-up. I don't want to talk about boys, and they don't ever include me anyway, everybody thinks I'm in LOVE with Harry, I'm not- I wish I was Harry._

 _God, I'm such a fucking pussy. 'Miss your Mummy, Ickle Weasel?'_ Clenching, clenching clenching my fist under the table…

 _I'm going to fucking fail this charms test, I can't concentrate. Mum will be so mad, I hate it when I disappoint her. Pull it together, Weasel, you ponce!_ My thoughts fly at me like wasps, swarming, flying around me, stinging stinging, stinging, unnerving me. Terrifying. Each one begging for singular attention, for its own slice of my fear-filled attention. Each one landing a sharp, stinging blow, then another and another- they all continue to attack and sting and overwhelm me. Terrify me

I am scared of my own mind. I am scared of what it is capable of, I am scared of what I am capable of doing, or trying to do.

Trying to swat away the swarm of stinging thoughts, memories, temptations, I scribble furiously as the end of the exam approaches. The closer I get to the end of the exam the more I feel like I can't breathe, the more I feel like I think and feel everything and nothing all at the same time. I watch myself in the mirror as I run my silver potions knife across my sex, I am disgusted and relieved and pleasured and in pain, so much pain, wonderful disgusting pain. Blood running down my legs, pooling around my feet on the cold tile floor in the bathroom, I can't believe I can even think of that, yet I long for it. I long to punish myself for my failure, my stupidity, my sadness. To punish myself for _being_ myself. For not being enough-

"Quills down, pass your parchments to the front, thank you."

Flitwick's exam is over. I exhale deeply, passing my scroll and packing my bag as quickly as possible. I am not crying, but tears are not far away and if I stop they will come. I exit the classroom as quickly as possible amidst what I recognize is Flitwick calling for me but I refuse to acknowledge that I've heard. Out the door, around the corner, hustle for the staircase before it shifts away and I must wait with the other students-

Made it. Don't run, but hurry as fast as you can down the stairs. Control your breathing. That's it, almost there, rounding the corner of the staircase onto the second floor and-

 _OOOUHHHHF!_

"Miss Granger!" he spits acid at me and I feel my body cower involuntarily at his wrath. "Watch where you are stepping and make sure that I am not what you are stepping on!" My eyes are burning with tears and my vision blurring at my blunder.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for carelessness." I am wilting beneath eyes as black as night. "Twenty points for sending my books and parchments flying across the castle," he continues. I can see his anger rising the longer I stare at him and do nothing, but the heat rolling off of him in waves is the first warmth I've felt in weeks. It is insanity but I want him to continue piercing me with his coal-black eyes. "Thirty points if you keep me waiting any longer!"

His temper wakes me from my reverie and I start. I scramble to collect the papers and books I've knocked from my professor's grasp, trying frantically to finish as soon as possible to avoid his further wrath.

"THIRTY POINTS for forgetting you are a _witch_ , Miss Weasley!" Professor Snape shouted, the sound echoing through the stone corridor, each repetition sounding as if the castle itself was mocking her stupidity.

My vision blurs and I blinked rapidly, trying to dismiss the unbidden tears threatening to fall from my burning eyes. I am certain I am flushing brilliantly, adding to what I'm sure is a blotchy mess already. I panic. More afraid of breaking down in the middle of the hallway than of my Professor, I simply turn away from the man's cruel words and run, knowing that this will undoubtedly be rewarded with a month's detention and another huge debit from Gryffindor's points tally.

I realize that I am now on the second floor and run to the girl's loo, locking the door behind me with a charm I'd learned long ago as the only girl in house full of boys.

Quickly, I check that there is no one else is in the bathroom. I know that it is very unlikely, as this is Myrtle's favorite spot, but one can never be too careful.

Sure I am alone now, I open my book bag and frantically reach for the small, velvet-wrapped bundle hidden in a small pocked I sewed into the inside of the bag. I look at the object in my hands with something approaching reverence. My breathing slows, my heartbeat begins to resume a normal pace, and I am flooded with excitement. The anticipation is such a heady experience, rivaling only the feeling of excitement at being flushed with arousal and finally heading up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

Gingerly, I untie the leather thong that holds the velvet around my favorite tool, the solid silver knife I stole from Percy's potions kit during Christmas break my first year. The twins had been blamed and it had been replaced, but with a blade of lesser quality. It is the most valuable thing I have ever touched. It is made of solid silver, but more than that, it is a Peverell heirloom. It is also the most valuable thing I own because in my entire life only Tom's diary from had been a closer companion.

I remove my robes, dropping the tattered hand-me-downs carelessly on the tile floor and quickly remove my sweater and tie and unbutton my fresh white shirt. This I take more care with, as I cannot afford to stain or ruin it.

I stand there, staring at the ugly form in front of me. I have bras only because my mother pitied my lack. I hate them and never wear them, they only remind me that I am neither child nor woman. I stare at the tiny swells where my breasts should be. I look at my torso which has no curve, no appeal to it. I stare at my pale skin, which is rapidly taking on an unhealthy tinge to it, reflecting my isolation in this dark, dank castle. I am neither skinny nor fat, not quite flat but not curvy. I am not a boy and not a real girl, either. My hatred is feeding my excitement in this moment, as I look and examine and decide where I will administer my precious treatment. I flash to my fantasy of cutting my sex, but know that I am not brave enough. I will never do that, though I long for that release more than any other. I am too much of a coward to give myself what I need most, to treat the ugliest part of me. Shame and guilt and pain, so much pain, overwhelms me and I grab the knife from the edge of the sink and am already cutting against my left arm, up high where it will be easily covered. Searing, bright intensity. Pain, blissful pain. My body squeezes my eyes tight, gives a sharp gasp at the suddenness and sharpness. I fight my body's instinct. I force my eyes open. I want to see, to watch as the gleaming silver glides over my skin and leaves a bright line in its wake, immediately welling up with scarlet. The color forms droplets, droplets turn into rivers flowing down my arm in a beautiful pattern that looks like photographs I've seen of a place called The Amazon in a muggle magazine my father thought he'd hidden better. Here on my arm the little rivers of blood flow and dart left and right, cross, merge, diverge just like the photograph. Watching is almost as bright and full as the cutting.

I've cut myself too deeply. It feels so good, so blinding, so intense, but I know I've cut too deeply. This will end in a nasty scar that will be impossible to hide. The realization takes me down from my high only a little though, as endorphins rush through my system in overwhelming waves. I lean my hip against the sink and enjoy the bleeding and the pain for a little while longer. Soon enough, though, I know it is time to return to the castle. I carefully wash the blood from the knife and bind it up again, carefully replacing it in my bag. I retrieve a small stolen phial of Dittany while I am in my bag and set it on the sink. My last pleasure is washing the blood off of my arm, seeing bright pink water flow over the stark white porcelain sink and circle the drain. I apply dittany but this time I am not sure it will be enough to prevent the betraying scar. I shame myself for not knowing any strong healing spells yet and do the best I can to staunch the bleeding before I don my stark white shirt once again.

/

Severus groaned deeply as the painful high ebbed from his consciousness. He felt suddenly heavy once again, as if the weight of the world was crushing his spirit. Despair bloomed in the pit of his stomach like he hadn't felt since the night he'd begged Dumbeldore-

Blinking rapidly, Severus broke his mental connection from his young lover. He couldn't bear to break eye contact, though, as if it would shame him, prove his unworthiness for this task. He was a Death Eater, a spy, a poison maker, a killer. He created only destruction, granted only death. These were the talents he had practiced for so many years that they were reflexive, so why was he pretending that he could heal? What gave him the right to think that he could mend her wounds when he'd never been able to do more than numb himself against pain and wall off the memories?

A soft, warm touch brought him out of his reverie. She had placed a wet hand to his scratchy cheek. _Why is her hand wet_? he wondered idly for a moment before snorting derisively at himself.

"Aren't I suppose to be comforting you, girl?" he tried to snap but his voice cracked harshly as his weeping redoubled.

It was Saturday morning and he had just disengaged from Ginny's mind. After their impromptu meeting on Thursday evening he had thought he might help her untangle her mind from the pain of the past, thought that his expertise as an Occlumens might serve to heal her scars, to teach her to use her natural willowy strength to shelter her from the horrors that awaited her in sleep.

"I'm so- sorry," he croaked. _Sorry that it had been that way. Sorry that I hadn't made it better, that I made it worse. Sorry I can't help, can't even take thinking about it._

"That's why I didn't want to show you, Sev. It's too horrible. And that was before the war."

"No, no. Not that, not the way you're thinking," he continued, his voice steadying. He found her eyes again and reestablished their strange mental connection. _Innocence. Childhood. Happiness, wonder. Friendship_. He pushed his memories of these ideas into her mind. Memories of children he'd taught, laughing at their house table. Children glimpsing the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall for the first time, children hugging each other and exchanging Christmas gifts before departing for the holidays. Himself and Lily laying underneath a great expanse of sky the summer before they'd started Hogwarts.

"I'm sad that a soul as beautiful as yours has suffered so much more than I have endured."

"Don't be ridiculous," she blustered. "Don't patronize-"

"No," he cut in, "let me finish. "I…" he paused and took a breath. "I did not have a nice childhood. My father…" He looked away and took a second to regain control over his raging emotions. "My innocence, any goodness in my soul, that man beat out of me when I was still too young to know that it was wrong to be beaten by an angry drunk of a father. I was never innocent. I never had a beautiful soul. I am not a nice man, Ginny. I earned my pain, my scars. I earned every malicious act the Dark Lord ever visited upon my body."

Ginny was weeping now, too, and as she leaned into him they wrapped their arms around one another. "Don't belittle your experience, the Dark Lord's diary was the start of the war for you. He ravaged your mind while you were so very young. It is so much more painful to see something so pure, so beautiful be torn and twisted, used. It is much more painful than enduring curses, I assure you," he whispered in her ear, stroking her hair.

"I should have known. I should have cared," he whispered, choking up. "I more than anyone understood the power of the diary. I was perhaps the only person who could have known, could have helped you escape the self-loathing, I should have seen it in your eyes, should have seen _you_. I am ashamed that even as I worked to save your life I carelessly cut into your mind, day after day. I hurt you." He pushed his regret, his sorrow and contrition towards her mind and she tightened her grip in response.

"I think it's only fair that I tell you something," she said, breaking the meaningful silence and sitting back into the couch.

"Hmm?" he grunted as she broke through his brooding.

"I'm not scared of you, Severus," she said, looking up at him with a small smile.

"I should hope not," he snorted, thinking of the way she'd shared her frisky mood a few hours ago.

She laughed at the indigent look on his face and corrected, "No, I mean, I haven't been scared of you for years now. That memory… it wasn't-"

"I know. But even if you could convince me that I did not make it worse, which believe me, you will not, I should have seen you." He wrapped his arms around Ginny protectively and went silent again.

"You were right," she said after a few long moments of breathing deeply of each other's comfort. "Talking… showing you. Was worth it. I think it will help."

"Take off the glamour," he said quietly. "I want to see it. Them. All of them."

Severus waited.

"No," she said finally, quietly. "I can't… I don't think…" The girl's breathing sped up and fat tears began welling in her eyes.

"Yes," he insisted softly.

"No, you don't understand, you'll hate me, you'll… you'll… I can't! I just…" she was sobbing openly now ragged breaths coming fast and hard. He grasped her wrist with firm pressure, trying to break the panic, to steady her frayed nerves.

"Was it bad? When Molly saw?" Ginny dissolved into sobs again and Severus pulled the small girl against his broad chest. He'd never seen her so small, so utterly…weak. Defenseless. This girl, who stood up to the Carrows, who fought the Dark Lord, who wasn't afraid of The Dungeon Bat, this girl who was so unique, so very strong and courageous. Helpless. He cradled her head against his heart and rocked softly back and forth and murmured quiet stillness in her ear and just _held_ her.

A few minutes or an hour later, he couldn't be sure, she had calmed down. "How did she find out, Ginny?"

She snuffled against his chest and once, twice more. "I was… it was summer, and we were playing quidditch in the field behind the house. I took a bludger to the shoulder and fell off of my broom and got knocked out when I hit the ground. The next thing I remember, everybody's crowded around me, it hurts so bad I can't even breath, and Mum was shrieking at me, yelling so loud, and I couldn't breathe, and the look in their faces, all of them, the twins, Mum, Harry, even Dad was there. The glamour dropped when I got knocked out, and when she ripped my sleeve off to heal my shoulder and my collar bone, she… she saw…" She buried her face in Severus' shirtsleeves again, sobbing quietly. He just kept rocking, stroking her hair, holding her.

"She sent me to Saint Mungo's right then, she was so disgusted, so angry…" He tightened his arms around her. She wouldn't listen to me, she just kept shouting at me, that she couldn't believe that I could be capable of _that_ , that it must be That Evil Memory again, that's what she called him, that's what she called Tom. He was my _friend,_ and that's what she called him. I tried to tell her that it wasn't… that he wasn't back, it wasn't because of him, but she wouldn't listen. She ran up to my room and started looking around, trying to find…I don't think she even knew what she was looking for, but she was throwing my clothes everywhere, opening up all my school books and unrolling every scrap of parchment."

"Was she looking for your diary, do you think? Maybe to try to understand your thoughts?"

He felt her scowl at that. "She knew I hadn't kept a diary since Tom. I don't know, maybe she was hoping that Tom's diary hadn't been destroyed, then she could prove that it wasn't really her little baby cutting herself…"

"Where was your diary?"

She sniffled and sat up enough to look up at him with a curious expression. "I just told you I didn't keep a diary since Tom…"

"Actually you said that your mother knew that you hadn't kept a diary. That's a very different statement. Where had hidden it?" he asked gently.

She blushed bright pink and looked away. "There's a loose board in the garden shed… How did you know?" she asked quietly.

"Because if you needed a safe place to straighten out your thoughts _before_ you met Riddle through his diary, you certainly needed a safe space afterwards, no matter what Molly thought you needed."

She smiled weakly. "How do you understand me better than my own mother, Severus?" she asked as peace finally seemed to settle into her features.

"So they took you to Saint Mungo's?"

"Yes, they didn't even bother to finish healing my shoulder, just my collar bone, then it was off through the floo as soon as Dad had wrestled Mum out of my room. And they… she just left me there. I begged and pleaded and tried to get her to listen, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't even look at me, she was so disgusted. She just wanted to get rid of me…" the words fell out at a such a rapid clip that Severus couldn't do any more than hold her more tightly and try to absorb the girl's tears, her fears and doubts, her self-loathing. He could only respond with what he'd ached for as a wounded child, as an angry teenager. As a bitter old man. He bit his lip at that, willing the thought away.

"You know me better than anyone else, Ginny. Better than I know myself, I think. You know all of my scars." He paused, bitterly reproving at his own emotions regarding his scars. "All of them."

Ginny nodded her head gently against his chest, sniffling and wiping her eyes as she focused on his words. He could feel her thoughts through the porous mental connection they shared, she was comforted by the deep basso rumble of his voice that she could feel through his chest, reassured by his warmth and by the strong, gentle hand stroking her hair. He pushed just the barest hint of the _other_ scars he was talking about.

The crushing realization that his mother had given up, had stopped fighting for herself and for him. That he was on his own, and worse, that he had to take care of _her_ , too. Overwhelming guilt that he could not protect her, guilt from her inevitable death. The despair of knowing he'd become Lily's unwitting executioner.

The deep, desperate desire that he'd felt every time his mark burned that this would be it, this would be the last time, that he would finally be killed, that his miserable existence would end at last. The incredible disappointment each and every time he returned. The hatred at his own survival instincts and knack for healing.

She knew all of this, of course. She was a natural empathic legillimens, and a strong one at that. He'd never met someone with so much raw talent in the art, not even the Dark Lord. He'd been strong, certainly, but merely a self-trained brute. Ginny was subtle, gentle, intuitive. She could read even the most stoic of men, see through the flattest affect without even knowing that she she'd invoked her magic. It was an incredible burden.

"You know what I… you know that I understand. That I have those same… instincts…" he started.

"But you're so much stronger than I am!" she cried. " I'm just a frightened little girl crying into my pillow, slicing myself to get attention, not like you-"

"No, you're not. You aren't a frightened little girl, Ginny. You're a strong woman. You're a fighter, a warrior. And _no one_ cuts just to get the attention. You know it, and so do I. So why should we care if that's what your mother thinks?" She sniffled again, just a little and dipped her head in a slight 'yes.'

"Take the glamour off, Ginny. Let me see you."

She didn't move for what felt like minutes, but he simply continued to hold her and stroke her hair, waiting. She took several deep breaths and fell quiet again, but not for as long. When he felt her begin to sit up, he cupped her face with his hands and kissed her lightly, chastely. "You can do this," he whispered before letting her go.

The tall, lithe redheaded beauty stood before him with all the nervous energy of a school girl. He could feel how very _afraid_ she was. How much she didn't want to do this, how much she never wanted him to see. Never wanted anyone to know. He took a deep breath, sending a light focus on the soft sensations of her body's own natural rhythms. Absentmindedly, she took a deep breath and Severus had to hold back a little smile.

She grasped the hem of her shirt- one of his old faded Led Zeppelin t-shirts that she'd tossed on earlier that morning. She shut her eyes tightly and pulled the shirt off in one quick motion. She was standing in front of him in khaki colored shorts and a powder blue bra, gripping her wand tightly. Severus couldn't help but notice that she looked both incredibly vulnerable and very fuckable. Severus leaned back a little on the sofa and crossed his legs, feigning a level of control over his desire he did not feel.

With another deep breath, the girl flicked her wand and muttered the incantation under her breath. " _Finite incantatem_."

A/N- Gods, this A/N is difficult to write… Ok, you may have experience with self-harm/cutting, either personally or by acquaintance, but maybe not. The basic premise of this chapter is loosely based on my own experiences and those of loved ones. This is my interpretation of ONE experience with Bad Thoughts (because the real words just refuse to come out of my mouth). _Of course_ I have taken artistic license. My characters say things that _my characters_ would say. They are not speaking "the truth" about any of these Bad Thoughts, nor are they exemplifying the _only_ experience one might have. I don't believe that what I have depicted is a particularly healthy way of dealing with these issues, either. I'm not an expert and the only advice that I have to give is that talking about it _does_ help, however, be sure that you've picked a person worthy of your trust (don't wind up letting Pettigrew be your Secret Keeper) and don't look to the wrong person/untrained persons for the healing that you need (don't let Lockheart anywhere near your broken arm). And that ultimately, life is beautiful ('if one remembers only to turn on the lights'). Oh, and chicks dig scars.

Back to your regularly scheduled program…


	13. Chapter 13

A couple of things before we begin…

First, I feel like I should stop apologizing for being so long delayed in updating… at this point it's not at all unusual. I'm working on it. *shy smile*

Second, I won't beg for reviews, but I will say that positive or negative, your feedback DOES inspire me to write more and is shaping this story.

Third, triggers abound ahead… if you're sensitive to our current subject, you should be ok to read down to where Severus dismisses Draco with a note, and I'll add a little summary at the beginning of next chapter. Thanks for sticking with me!

xXx

Severus just sat there, still and calm, until she finally roused from her shame and looked at him. He locked eyes with her simply said, "You're beautiful, Ginny." He initiated a more robust legillimens than they usually used and showed her his memories. How he'd seen her flying with such skill and expertise, scoring over and over again. fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts, agile and loose, dangerous as hell and holding her own against Death Eaters. Standing tall and strong, gaze burning straight through his own eyes as she waited her turn to be tortured in front of the Great Hall. Watching her walk through the halls smiling and laughing with Harry and Granger and Lovegood. Happy. The lustful, purposely sensuous way she moved around him that always aroused him.

He swept his gaze down her body slowly, carefully, taking in every mark, every scar, every piece of history played out on her body. He pushed this image, too. "Beautiful." In truth Severus was more than a little shocked at the sheer number of scars on the girl's body but he would not let his reaction slip beyond his control. Most of her scars were crowded along the length of her upper left arm from the top of her shoulder all the way to her elbow, neatly parallel, ranging in length from 1 to 3 inches. There were so _many_ of these thin white lines he didn't think he could take a reasonable guess. A few scars were longer and deeper than the others on her arm and made the precise parallel order of the others stand out all the more for their crookedness and angularity. These had not healed into thin white lines but into dark pink scars. The longest had been healed so poorly that the skin had formed a thick, ropy scar that raked across the girl's arm viciously. Before he even realized he'd reached out his hand he was ghosting a finger along the angry skin.

"That's the one from… from that memory," she whispered hoarsely. "After…I got a book on healing after that." Gooseflesh appeared amongst the thin white lines as he continued tracing the larger scars along her arm.

"And these?" he asked with velvet warmth.

"Sometimes I…slip." She gazed down at her arm and watched Severus touching her, experiencing the scars. "And sometimes I just need to…leave a mark."

"That's why you haven't brewed a scar balm," he noted gently, "but use the glamour instead."

"So they're mine. The memories." Tears began to fall freely from the girl as she reached to trace one of the ropy scars. "Fred."

Severus wrapped the girl in a tight embrace and simply stood with her whispering soft, beautiful, soothing balms to her wounded heart.

xXx

Draco's knock came at precisely 8 o'clock. Severus bade the boy enter without looking up from his grading ledger. The boy strode slowly through the classroom; unlike his usual quick, confident stride Severus heard slow, almost timid steps approach the office. Severus did not look up as Draco sat in the uncomfortable, rickety chair designed to keep any visits to his office to a minimal duration and frequency. As the moments ticked by, Severus did not look up. The only sounds were the _scritch scritch scritch_ of Severus' quill and the subdued rustling of the boy attempting to find a less uncomfortable position atop the chair. As had been the case every night for nearly a week, Draco neither studied nor spoke, rather the boy simply sat in the chair and stared straight ahead. It had been Ginny's idea to require Draco's presence each night. She'd thought it would help Draco resume his previous nightly visits to his Godfather and reestablish the calm, easy atmosphere the two had enjoyed before, but that had not been the case. Instead, it seemed that Draco had taken the polite requests as some sort of shaming for his previous habit.

Each night the boy would enter mechanically and sit stiff backed and silent staring at the wall behind Severus. After one excruciatingly slow hour, Severus would feel compelled to dismiss the boy and then spend another hour contemplating what the hell he was doing.

Tonight would be more of the same. Severus gave a quiet resigned sigh and exchanged one grade book for another.

A loud knock sounding on the classroom door roused him from his frustrated musings only a few minutes after Draco had entered. Though his interest was piqued, he did not look away from his grade book as he granted access to his classroom. Light footfalls indicated a student of slight build; either a first year without common sense or a lithe female from his own house… _Miss Greengrass, perhaps?_

"Professor Snape, Sir, I'm so sorry I'm late for detention! I got stranded by a staircase when I went to change after Quidditch practice."

Though his face and body retained the same stoic, irritated façade by reflex, Severus was caught completely off guard. His mind raced through possibilities as he carefully replaced his quill in its stand and raised his gaze to meet Ginny's. Their minds locked almost instantly, and she pushed forward her idea.

Severus broke the connection mere moments after it had begun and took long measuring gaze at his student and lover. Severus leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, a sneer marring his face as he contemplated his next move.

"Miss Weasley," he began in the low, resonate baritone that signaled the depth of his displeasure to any who heard it. "You have lived in this castle for seven years, and you're stymied by an piece of inanimate stone? You allow your obsessive need to primp and preen to delay you for detention, but anticipate that I should accept your pitiful excuse? Severus wasn't sure if the scarlet flush creeping up the girl's elegant neck was from fear or arousal, but he allowed himself pleasure in seeing the girl's response to nothing but his voice and sneer. "You witless little girl, you think it is nothing to waste my time? That the Princess of Gryffindor may descend from on high and that I should act the minion and accommodate your foolish whims and acquiesce to your every demand?" The familiar routine of dressing down a student settled him back into his usual manner and calmed his thoughts. "I think not. You will now be serving detention for another seven days, and I assure you, Miss Weasley, your additional detentions will not be nearly as pleasant as what I have for _both_ of you tonight!"

At that Draco whipped his head up and stared open mouthed at his professor. Severus shot his godson a look that brooked no argument; the boy hadn't earned a detention, but the Slytherin would never openly challenge his Head of House like a brash Gryffindor. At Severus' raised eyebrow, Draco clamped his mouth shut and looked down. "I've just received a shipment of ingredients that must be sorted and shelved. I trust that you two are capable of working together?"

The color drained from Draco's face, but Severus' godson answered with a, "Yes, sir."

Excellent. Now, you'll need to check against the order slip that the entire shipment is accounted for and add the date of receipt on each of the bottles before you restock the shelves. And I trust I don't have to remind you that you must shelve the freshly acquired ingredients behind the older? Please check to ensure that all of our stock is organized in this way Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs do tend not to bother with…" he paused for a moment as if searching for the right word and took the opportunity to sneer at Ginny before finishing, " _proper procedures_ in my classroom."

With that, Severus took up his quill once more and went back to his grade book. His godson would immediately comply and Ginny had had enough detentions with her Potions Master to know better than to ask questions or dawdle.

xXx

Severus exhaled a quiet sigh as he placed the last of his grade ledgers in the stack on the side of his desk. He capped the bottle of scarlet ink and set it carefully back in place between his quill and the bottle of black ink. He was surprised by the time; it was already 11 o'clock. Realizing that he hadn't heard any clinking of bottles, bickering between two bitter rivals or been interrupted at any point with questions from his students, Severus went to find his students.

Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy were sitting side by side, backs against the wall next to the potions store room, quietly conversing. His godson sat with his arms wrapped around his upraised knees, the fingers of his right hand digging unceasingly at his left forearm through his shirtsleeves, forehead resting on his knees. The boy hadn't looked so small and defeated since he'd been a small boy with a skinned knee and a cruel word from his father. Severus noticed the subtle unevenness of the boy's breath that betrayed the anguished sobs he was trying to suppress.

With barely a thought to the morality of his decision, he quietly cast Notice Me Not and Silencing charms on himself and an amplification spell on the whispered conversation between his lover and his godson.

"…not trying to say that everything that happened was OK, Draco. It wasn't. Nothing that happened that year was OK. It was war, and Hogwarts was not the sanctuary it should have been. We survived, and that's all that matters, Draco."

"It can't be, that's not enough! I should have… I… I should _never_ have…" Draco began, becoming more and more distraught as he continued. "You didn't! You didn't do anything; how can you say that doesn't matter? That it's no big deal that I lived and your brother died? That _I raped you_ , and he fucking died? How is that OK?"

"Stop, stop. Draco, please, just listen to me, OK? Calm down, listen," she soothed, placing a hand on his back in comfort. Draco flinched hard at the contact and tried to push himself away, but Ginny grabbed hold of him and pulled the wretch against her chest. She shushed quiet nothings into his ear and rubbed his back in large, slow circles and rocked back and forth slightly as Draco clutched at her robes and sobbed uncontrollably into her breast for long minutes.

"Remember, Sweetie," she began softly after the worst of the anguish seemed to have passed. "Remember how much time I spent with you that year. In your Common Room and in your room. Everyone was watching you, reporting back every single thing you did. I saw what it was doing to you. I was there when you woke up screaming, I read the letters your mother sent you that year. I saw where you put one in your desk and I read them all the next time I had a chance. It was just before Christmas and you left me in the Head Boy's room when you went out on rounds and I broke the wards on that drawer. You did what you did to survive, Draco. What you did… You saved your mother."

"I killed Tori," Ginny whispered after another few minutes. Draco sat up shock written across his features. "Did you know?" Fat tears welled up in Ginny's eyes and began to roll down her cheeks.

Severus felt like he'd been punched in the gut at the shock of the revelation. _Killed…?_

"I've never said that out loud before," she continued, barely holding control of her voice. "I'm not innocent, Draco."

"Don't say that, Gin, it was battle, it was crazy in there. It wasn't your fault-"

"I was aiming at Crabbe. After what he…" she swallowed hard and looked away. "I hated him so much after he and the Carrows…after what they did to me. I saw him, he wasn't even looking at me. I had a clear shot and I sent a blood boiling curse at him but Astoria had just begun backing away from something, or someone- she never even saw me. I watched her writhe around and thrash and heard her scream. She was bleeding from her eyes, her nose and ears and fingernails even- everywhere, there was blood everywhere and then she just stopped moving. I did that."

Draco had hugged his knees to his chest again. "I don't even think she was fighting, I think Grayback had just caught sight of her and she was backing away from him and I murdered her. I wanted revenge and she was so afraid and I killed her." She sounded numb. "How can I hate you for saving your mother?" Ginny finished, wiping furiously at her tears. "It was war and we survived." Draco snaked an arm around Ginny and pulled her close.

Severus quietly retreated back into the classroom and cancelled the charms and the amplification spell.

xXx

"I need you right now," Ginny whined breathlessly as she entered Severus' office frantically stripping off her clothes. "I want you to touch me. Make me feel good, Severus."

Ginny was naked and in his lap before he quite registered what was happening. "Ginny," he groaned as she began rolling her core against the thigh she was straddling. Severus swallowed hard and blinked several times to dislodge the visual from his racing mind. "Ginny, stop, please," he pleaded with the naked girl. "Stop," his instructed softly, having regained his dulcet baritone. He moved one of his hands from where they had instinctively landed on the swell of her hips and lifted her chin.

"Talk to me, Love," he whispered as he took in her blotchy cheeks, red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained face. "You need to tell me what's wrong, Ginny."

"Nothing, I just want you…" she said feebly, tears freely flowing down her face again. She continued to rock against him, but her movements were only mechanical now. Clenching his teeth against his reflexive erection, he stilled her hips and silently summoned her robes, draping the voluminous fabric over her exposed skin as he pulled her against his chest.

Surprised as he was, he did not betray a reaction when he saw his godson standing just inside the doorway to his office. Silently, immediately, he closed, locked and warded his office door as he stood with Ginny still in his arms. She wrapped her bare legs around her lover and buried her head in his neck. Severus raised a severe eyebrow and glanced between Draco and a chair, indicating without any chance of misunderstanding that Draco should take a seat and wait for his godfather's return.

Severus kissed the top of Ginny's head and shushed in her ear like he'd seen her do for Draco as he carried her through his quarters and to his bed. As he tried to lay her down she clung to him even harder, tears rolling faster than ever, but he had to leave her to deal with Draco.

"Love, I will be back in only a moment, I have to-"

"No! Don't go! Don't leave me! You can't, don't leave me! Please, please…stay, just stay with me!" she babbled.

"I'm going to call for Harry and come right back, ok?" he reassured tenderly.

"No, not Harry, no, no, no, no!" Ginny rolled away from Severus and curled tightly around herself. "Don't leave me, please, Severus, don't leave me…" she sobbed.

" _Accio_ Calming Draught." A little bottle from the rack of potions situated atop his chest of drawers zipped straight into Severus' hand and then he was coaxing Ginny to drink it. It began to take effect almost immediately; her sobbing slowed and her breathing evened out. The girl looked completely exhausted, lying naked in his bed with blotchy cheeks, runny nose, and red-rimmed, swollen eyes blinking away the tears that continued to fall.

"Ginny, I will return in two minutes, no later. Just breathe, and I will be back before you know it."

She whimpered her protest as he kissed the top of her head and quickly strode back to his office.

Severus banished Ginny's discarded uniform to his quarters with a quick flick of his wand before meeting Draco's blank stare.

"Draco…"

"Godfather, I won't…I swear, I won't say anything to anyone, I won't-"

"Draco, I know."

"It's none of my bus-"

"Draco, stop."

"-iness, I promise…"

"Draco! I don't have time. I trust you." Severus sat at his desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment and a dipped his quill. "Come tomorrow after breakfast, I will explain things."

"Godfather, you don't need to explain-"

"Draco!" Severus demanded, slamming a fist on his desk. Draco blanched; Severus had never displayed this much anger towards his godson before, and Severus cursed his temper. "Please, I would like to speak with you tomorrow morning." He scribbled a hasty message on the parchment and scrawled his name at the bottom. "Here is a note for tonight and will also do if you are questioned in the morning." He stood, finally looking at the boy again. "Thank you, Draco." With that Severus turned on his heel and left his office for the privacy of his own quarters. He flicked his wand in an afterthought and the reset the wards on his office and classroom to go allow Draco's exit.

He took a moment as he was crossing the hearth room to pen a message on the charmed scroll. _Harry, come to my quarters as soon as you can manage. Use any excuse you need and I will affirm it if you are questioned._ He hesitated before adding, _Ginny is here_.

The light from the bathroom cast Ginny's shadow far across the bedroom. As he drew near the, Ginny's ethereal form came into view and the beautiful girl was haloed by bright, warm light. Nearer still and the heavenly visage became a gruesome tableau. Severus wondered dully how she'd come across his silver ritual knife.

"It won't stop, Severus," Ginny's sounded like nothing but cool intellect and rationality as she stared into her professor's dark eyes.

She looked back at herself in the mirror and watched blood trickle down from three long, perfectly parallel cuts running from her left ribs just under her breast across to the midline of her stomach. "It's not enough. I've killed someone and this is not enough to make it better," she continued cryptically as Severus stood only a few short strides from the girl, stunned to inaction.

Ginny took a deep breath and brought the knife to bear on the soft skin of the inside of her thigh, where hip meets pelvis. For one torturous moment, Severus simply stared at the girl's slow, practiced movement as she calmly drew the razor-sharp knife against her flesh, moaning in agony and blissful release.

"WINKEY!" And he was running to her, ripping the blood-stained knife out of her hands.

 _Crack!_ "Master of Potions is asking for Winkey, Sir?"

"Get me Blood Replenishing Potion, Pain Potion!" he barked out quickly as he set the silver knife down on the sink and pulled Ginny with him to the floor. "Not the Pain Potion I use, the basic formula."

"Winkey knows, Winkey be right back to Master of Potions." With another loud _Crack!_ she was gone.

"Ginny, love," Severus cried softly, cradling the girl in his arms, blinking against the blurry vision of his weeping. He pressed his lips against her temple, shaking with love and fear and loss and allowing his anguish to paralyze him.

 _Crack!_ Winkey appeared next to Severus, offering up several phials of potion labeled in his own spikey scrawl and snapping Severus out of his stupor. He quickly poured the potions down Ginny's throat, registering that the girl was near unconscious.

"Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck!" They were sitting in a growing pool of the girl's blood. He flicked out his wand with a quick wrist movement and began a series of complicated wand movements over the girl's wounded thigh as he berated himself for allowing his emotions to compromise the girl's treatment.

"More Blood Replenisher, Winkey. Bring me everything I have," he bit out crisply between incantations. Two more cracks barely a second apart and he was instructing the elf to pour three more phials down the girl's throat.

"How many more do we have?" he asked.

"Winkey is having two more potions for the Master's Love."

Severus simply refused to reflect on the elf's word choice and instead cast a diagnostic charm over Ginny in between repetitions of the healing incantation. "Fuck," he muttered to himself. The wound refused to close; the magic of the ritual knife was interfering with the healing incantation. He'd been using this spell for most of his life and it had worked exceptionally well to knit even the ghastliest of wounds closed. Though it tended to leave ugly scars, there had only been a handful of times where the incantation had been insufficient: wounds inflicted by cursed objects.

She needed a medi-witch.

He cast the diagnostic again, checking to see if the extra potion had stabilized the girl. It had not done enough; he could not risk moving her. There was no choice.

"Winkey, bring Madam Pomfrey, immediately. I do not care what you interrupt when you arrive, you must br-" Poppy Pomfrey was standing next to him before Severus hadn't finished the sentence, "-ing her here immediately."

"What on Earth is going on-" the witch began indignantly before she'd taken in the scene. Severus imagined it was quite a gruesome sight: Head Girl Ginny Weasley, lying naked and unconscious in a pool of her own blood on the floor of Severus' en suite bath, her dreaded Potions Master hunched over her muttering useless incantations.

"She used a silver ritual knife. The wound isn't closing, Poppy." He tried to sound detached and clinical but knew that he failed at that as well as everything else. "I've already given her four Blood Replenishers and one standard Pain Potion," he said, this time without faltering.

Pomfrey flicked her wrist and cast another Diagnostic charm. "Where is the knife, Severus?" the Medi-Witch asked with a comfortingly firm, practiced professionalism.

Severus gestured toward the counter and continued his ineffectual healing incantation.

"Continue with the _Confervo_ Incantation; it is slowing the bleeding."

Severus felt the briefest moment of relief before continuing his rhythm, repeating the incantation as quickly as he was able while still annunciating properly and completing the wand movement. Once he dared a look at Poppy who had a complicated series of diagnostics hovering above the silver blade as she attempted to discover the curse that was keeping the wound from closing.

"What purpose did this blade serve, Severus? I assume she acquired the blade from you?"

Severus flushed with anger abruptly turned to face the Medi-Witch. "Keep up the incantation, Severus!" she scolded him as she would a young student caught doing something intolerably stupid. "I did not intend to imply that you gave this to her willingly or that you meant her any harm, simply that you are the most likely to have possession of an item so dark in nature."

Severus snapped his jaw tight against the vitriol bubbling up from his own guilt; she was right. No one else in the castle would keep a knife like that, and certainly not in the nightstand.

He cast the incantation again before admitting, "I don't know how she came across the bloody thing," he started, cursing himself for the rather inappropriate reference to blood. "The _damn_ thing," he continued through gritted teeth, "was a gift from Lucius on the occasion of my Marking."

The older witch let out a strangled breath and Severus could feel her eyes boring holes into the back of his head. "And you _kept it?"_ the witch did not screech at him, but it was a near thing.

Severus finished another incantation before quietly admitting, "I keep it so that I do not forget the cost of my own arrogance and stupidity."

There was silence for a long moment as the two of them reflected on his words. "Was this used in the Rite?" she asked softly, pain lacing her voice. Severus didn't doubt that the woman already knew the answer.

"Yes."

xXx

A/N _Confervo_ is Latin for "knit" or "grow together" according to the internet; if you're better at Latin than the internet please share!


	14. Chapter 14

Updated with Chapter 13 Summary 4/29/17… soooooooo I said I'd put in a summary of the last half of Ch 13 at the beginning of Ch 14 for those who wanted to skip the self-harm trigger. I totally forgot! I was hunting through looking for a continuity error that a kind reader pointed out when noticed… well, for future readers.

xXx

Chapter 13 Summary

 _After dismissing Draco from his office, Severus finds Ginny in the bathroom holding the silver ritual knife Lucius had given him years ago. She has already made three shallow cuts along her ribs but tells Severus that it is not enough to assuage her guilt. She makes a deeper cut on the high on the inside of her thigh but the knife cuts too deep. Severus tries to heal her with potions and healing charms but is forced to have Winkey bring Poppy; the wound is not healing and Ginny is dying…_

"I don't know how she came across the bloody thing," he started, cursing himself for the rather inappropriate reference to blood. "The _damn_ thing," he continued through gritted teeth, "was a gift from Lucius on the occasion of my Marking."

The older witch let out a strangled breath and Severus could feel her eyes boring holes into the back of his head. "And you _kept it?"_ the witch did not screech at him, but it was a near thing.

Severus finished another incantation before quietly admitting, "I keep it so that I do not forget the cost of my own arrogance and stupidity."

There was silence for a long moment as the two of them reflected on his words. "Was this used in the Rite?" she asked softly, pain lacing her voice. Severus didn't doubt that the woman already knew the answer.

"Yes."

xXx

Chapter 14

Pain and pleasure.

The single day that Severus Snape most regretted in his bitter life held the distinction of containing the highest high of ecstasy he was ever likely to experience. Of course, it had been intricately intertwined with terrible, agonizing pain. The blood bonding the Dark Lord had created to bind and mark his followers to his fractured soul was unavoidably excruciating, but as a gift to his most loyal and trusted servants, he had incorporated a powerful ecstasy in the ritual. The Dark Lord's Marked would forever remember the power of absolute pleasure and blissful agony he held over them. As the new servant knelt at his master's feet and bled into the solid silver goblet, the dark magic burned through ruined flesh in a blinding wave of indescribable pain and a rip tide of ecstasy. Severus had though that every inch of his flesh must be melting off of his bones and screamed, nearly collapsing against the Dark Lord and ruining the ritual. As the fire raged through his nerves his body seized in a sudden pleasure more powerful than he'd ever felt.

When the Dark Lord had released his vice-like grip Severus had sagged in relief, exhaustion and shame. The twisted sensation had been so intense that he'd come in his trousers like an idiot school boy. Once his breathing had calmed a little he'd chanced a look at his master.

A trickle of Severus' willingly-shed blood ran down Lord Voldemort's chin as the monster finished gulping down the contents of the silver goblet.

Severus shook himself out of his reverie before his mind wandered to the enjoyment to which he'd been treated after his marking; he'd spent the rest of that confused haze being pleasured by many of Lucius' uniquely talented favorite consorts.

"The wound won't close until it holds a curse," he uttered under his breath.

"What in Merlin's beard…" Poppy blustered.

"The Dark Lord didn't just need the blood to bond me to his magic as I've assumed for all these years; the Mark required an opening in the flesh. Willingly given blood, willingly surrendered autonomy." Severus dared a glance at Poppy; she was utterly horrified. "That's why it has only faded," he growled. "I'm sure of it." Severus squeezed his eyes tight against the image of the girl in front of him and completed another incantation. "The Mark is not merely on my skin, the Dark Lord made it a part of me. It is _of_ me! For Christ's sake, I should have known…" Severus continued bitterly.

"Severus, is there any hope for the girl? It doesn't have to be the Mark, does it?" Poppy's calm façade was shattered now; tears were falling down the older witch's face as she stared at the vile knife in fear and trepidation.

"I don't think so," he began. "It might not even have to be a curse," he muttered. Something very powerful, though. This wound will require strong magic to hold it together…" Severus huffed out a derisive laugh. _Of course, he would be the answer. How could I have been so naive? Thought that I might become anything…_

Clenching his jaw, Severus pushed his self-loathing thoughts to the back of his mind. "WInkey!" Severus yelled. "Get Potter." The little elf was gone in a moment with a loud crack.

Severus could feel Poppy's questioning look. "Is that…entirely wise, Severus? Considering her state of…" Poppy didn't seem to know how to mention the impropriety of the girl's particular location and state of undress, but didn't really need to put it to words for Severus' sake, so he ignored the question and the witch's accompanying malaise.

Continuing the constant chanting litany and wand movements was taxing. _A year ago, this would have been easier,_ he thought. _Well, in some ways,_ he added wryly. It was true; he had been in peak form mentally, physically and magically. His survival and the survival of the wizarding world had depended on his quick thinking, powerful magical ability, and physical stamina and agility and as such he'd spent as much time as he could manage honing these skills. He would conduct rigorous mental exorcises while brewing complex potions, sharpening his memory, mental agility, and multi-tasking skills. When he found himself sleep-deprived, he would force himself to the Room of Requirement for a hard run through whatever inventive landscape the Room deemed appropriate, blocking and returning curses thrown by the dueling dummies hidden throughout. And of course, his Occlumency had never been in better form.

Now, however, he'd done more than eased back on his harsh training regimen; he'd begun to see these exorcises as extracurriculars to be done whenever the mood struck instead of as the essential skill set that shaped his identity.

His wand arm was tired. His back had begun to ache from crouching over the girl, and his bloody knees were about to revolt. He'd resigned to biting his cheek bloody in between incantations to keep his tears at bay, and he felt that the very structure and consistency of his mind was slipping away from him as surely as Ginny's life blood was slipping from her.

 _Get a bloody fucking grip._

 _Crack_!

"Potter, do you love her?"

"Severus?" the boy shouted, completely thrown by his sudden disappearance from Gryffindor tower and appearance in his Professor's quarters. Severus winced at the boy's intimate address, but quickly dismissed the point as entirely moot in the situation. "Oh my God! Ginny!"

The boy fairly climbed over Severus to gain entry and crouch at the girl's other side. "Fuck, Severus! What the fuck happened?" the boy questioned frantically.

"Do you love her, boy?" Severus roared, but by this time Harry had lifted the girl's hand to his face and drenching her too pale, limp digits with his weeping.

"Harry!" he screamed. "Stop your sniveling and answer me!" _I'd say that worked,_ he thought wryly. The boy's wild emotions suddenly settled on _furious at the Greasy Git_ which was more than adequate for the situation.

"Harry," Poppy prompted softly. "Have you and Ginny discussed a bonding for the future? Are you planning to marry?"

Harry's anger drained away in an instant at Poppy's gentle prodding. His eyes fell to the girl's pale form, so small and frail against the blood soaked cold stone of the bathroom floor. "Yes. We're to be married the week after we finish school." He picked up her hand once more, this time with tender care instead of frantic wailing. "Yes, I love her, and yes, she loves me." He finished this last while staring straight into the Potion Master's eyes with such intensity that Severus could not but slip into Harry's thoughts.

 _Us,_ Harry was pushing. Severus was forced to break the link to continue the litany, utterly confounded by Harry's assertion.

"She used a cursed blade, Harry," he began during the next short break between incantations. "It will not close until it holds a curse." Harry swore loudly and brought a shaking hand to cover his face. "Specifically, a binding," Severus added quietly and then switched to another litany.

"So you think a…a bonding will work? To satisfy…" Harry gulped at the thought, "the curse requirement?"

"That is what I hope. I do not relish the idea that the girl may need to be formally bound in order to survive. I do not know which is a more terrible fate."

"And… and if it doesn't work?" Harry asked, voice trembling.

Severus was silent long into the short time he had to speak. "I do not know," he lied. He lifted his wand once again and began, this time with a noticeable tremble in his voice. As fear and exhaustion caused sweat to begin to run down Severus' face in rivulets, Severus finally allowed his tears to flow.

"Press your wand tip in the wound and concentrate on your…" _love_ , he thought. _I can't say it._ "feelings."

"Like a Patronus? Harry asked.

"Yes, that's is a sufficient analog. Do not allow yourself distraction and do not relent until the wound is completely closed, do you understand?" Severus demanded before chanting.

"Do it," he ordered after he'd completed what he hoped would be the last of the damned healing prayer. "Do it now!" he bellowed when Harry had simply stared blankly at Ginny's wound. Harry snapped to and gingerly placed his wand against the side of the deep furrow in Ginny's thigh. Severus grabbed Harry's forearm roughly and directed the wand tip deep into the wound, pressing deep into the flesh. He felt Harry's instinctive revulsion at the violence of it, but Severus' furious glare forced Harry into reflexive action.

 _Seven years of teaching the brat has actually accomplished something,_ he thought darkly, trying to keep his mind focused on something other than his tenuous grip on his own emotional state.

Severus slumped back against the door frame, breathing heavily from the exertion. He glanced up at Poppy, who had been keeping Winky busy fetching potions and massaging Ginny's throat to ensure she swallowed. The Medi-Witch was a wonder to watch as she continually cast and re-cast, and turned and manipulated other healing charms and diagnostic spells. He idly wondered when Ginny had been levitated off the floor enough to wrap bandages around her ribs, but it really didn't matter.

"Poppy?" he inquired softly.

The matron took a deep breath before chancing a look at her colleague. "She's…"

"What?" Severus snapped, impatience batting with the fear of what he knew was coming."

"She's dying, Severus."

Severus felt the entirety of his perception fall away except for the pounding _thud_ of his heart resounding through his chest and choking his throat with its intensity. He sat there in the large pool of blood for a long moment, utterly bereft. Broken. He'd done this. He hadn't protected her. Hadn't protected her from the Dark Lord, from Malfoy. From whatever Crabbe and Goyle had done. He hadn't protected her from his own dark self. _If I had been a better man, we would never have come together. She wound not have come to me, she would never have taken my knife._ Anguish roiled in his belly and he felt he would? So close that a mere girl, a _child_ had come across its darkness?

A harsh choked sob from Harry drew his attention. The boy's shaking hand still held his wand in the wound, but Harry was obviously only feeling his grief and not his love. Severus reached out and tenderly wiped tears from the side of the broken boy's face and gently pushed back the perpetually messy black fringe. He swept his hand down, caressing the side of Harry's cheek before gently taking his chin in hand. The two locked gazes and time fell away as Severus slipped into Harry's mind again, but this time he offered himself. He showed Harry the depth of his own feelings for the girl- for the both of them- shared not his grief but his joy at Ginny's simple presence in his quarters as she studied late into the night. He shared the indescribable validation he felt as the two had pursued and persuaded him. Without thinking, without meaning to, Severus showed Harry his wistful vision of the future; of the three of them together as a family. Living together, sharing responsibilities and joys, of Harry and himself running an apothecary together. Of cold nights spent keeping one another warm under thick quilts in their little cottage.

Time and space reasserted itself when Harry snaked a hand around Severus' neck and drew his love down for a gentle, yet fervent kiss flavored with the saltiness of their tears. After a long moment Severus drew back slightly the two men simply rested their foreheads against each other. Grief made a bit for his attention as he saw his most desperate desires slipping away before him and without another thought he brought his wand to bear in the attempt bring Ginny back to from the brink of death.

Harry's earlier feedback loop of grief became a current of power running between the two of them and down through each of their wands and into Ginny. The two men breathed heavily with the pure exhilarating _magic_ of it, completely unaware of anything but the tenfold power of their triune.

Then there was bliss and calm and warmth and radiant brightness, and Severus reveled in the completely alien feeling. He and Harry still rested against each other and their hearts were still racing, but the calm overshadowed even the extraordinary grief they both still felt. This was simply _enough_.

"Severus, dear," Poppy said, placing a gentle hand on Severus' shoulder. "It's worked. The wound is almost completely closed, dear." Poppy's words were reassuring, but her voice held great uncertainty and after a beat Severus understood what was vexing his friend.

"Poppy," he began before realizing he did not know how to continue.

He disengaged from Harry and stood, analyzing Ginny's form before him; she was still pale, but no longer looked as if she was reaching out to take Death's hand. Her form was still limp and frail looking, but her chest rose and fell at a more normal depth and rhythm, and just then her head lolled to the side purposefully with the slightest mewl of contentment, as though she were simply shifting in peaceful slumber. With a casual swish of his wand Severus banished the blood from the floor, Ginny's body, and his clothes all at once. Another swish and Poppy and Harry were clean as well, though the silver blade would need more than a simple cleansing charm to release its hold on the crimson stains.

He conjured a crisp white sheet to protect the scraps of Ginny's modesty and chanced a look at Poppy again. He saw in the Medi-Witch's eyes an oncoming storm of outrage and accusations and more questions than he would ever want to answer. _Rightly so_ , he thought to himself. But there would be time for that later. "Is she stable enough to Floo to the Hospital Wing, Madam?" he asked formally.


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Beloved Readers…

These last few chapters have been surprisingly difficult for me to write and that is why updates have been so slow and why the chapters keep breaking at… unfortunate moments. I actually started this as a PWP with the idea that it could grow into more, but to tell you the truth, Ginny has surprised me. I had not anticipated anything particularly dark or dramatic in this fic, but oddly I find myself satisfied. That said, it seems that I'm no longer an angsty teenager and thus am finding it a great challenge to write Severus' stunted emotional perspective. I'm trying! Please R&R and let me know how I'm doing. On to dark and stunted emotions… huzzah!

xXx

Severus Snape didn't get farther than locking and warding himself in his quarters before the tide of his emotions overwhelmed his frayed defenses. He sank to the floor and raked his fingers through dirty, tangled hair. He wanted to rage and weep and scream and curse his furniture to kindling, but he couldn't. He might have sat there for hours, hands still fisted in his dirty hair and elbows resting on bent knees. It may have been moments or minutes before he felt Minerva first prod at the wards; she attempted a floo call first, but he didn't answer and sealed his fireplace. Next, the Headmistress made successively less subtle attempts at breaching his chambers in person, which all failed.

 _No,_ he thought. _Ginny's wounds are healed and she had Poppy and Harry._ He didn't need Minerva's shock and disapproval, or Poppy's inquiries. _And Ginny does not need me. I have hurt her enough._ He reached for his Occlumency and began the agonizingly slow process of clearing his mind. He hadn't needed to do this since he'd first learned the art as a teenager; he'd needed a clear mind to build his defenses and scape his mind, and early on he'd also needed to clear his thoughts to use those defenses. His skills had quickly surpassed walls and blankness, though. If any Legillimens were to see a blank mind, that wizard's Occlusion would be obvious and the situation would progress to a battle of wills. Better to show what seemed to be an open mind, filled with the random trivialities that flitter across the mind in a constant stream and only seclude select thoughts and memories.

Now, however, he needed the blankness that he'd perfected as a teenager. He was drowning in overwhelming sensations of grief and anger and loss and shame as he'd only felt once before in his life. A lifetime ago.

He regressed from the carefully crafted subtly of his mind, filled with optical illusions and secret passageways and hiding holes. Past subtle spots at the forefront of his mind too close to the surface to warrant attention but where he guarded his deepest secrets. Past obvious feints and tricks, more subtle traps, and places that strategy demanded secrets be kept. Severus released all of these elements, one by one dismissing thoughts, constructs, a color, a single image. Out of practice as he was, his only concept of time was that it had taken him an agonizingly long time to strip his mind down to stark white walls and a single shred of memory. The tiny sound of Ginny's shallow breathing, the red of blood, the spreading and darkening of cool and slick.

The sight of the thick, red fluid seeping up the soft wool of his trousers, seeing his own reflection on the still surface of the pool of red as it slowly flowed from its source. He thought on its stillness, on its sameness even as it was constantly changing in color and consistency and dimension. As it reflected light and images, as it muted it was immutable. As it became the only object in his consciousness, he allowed his mind to become coextensive the little pool of blood and it simply _became_ his universe. Nothing else mattered. Waves of his own shame did not matter; those were beyond the surface of the pool. Poppy's disgust, the certainty of Minerva's loathing anger, Harry's despair. None of that was _him_. He was the constantly changing stillness. He could finally breathe.

xXx

Distantly, Severus was aware of his wards' nudge, alerting him that they'd accepted a gentle entreaty for entry; he'd added Harry and Ginny to his wards a lifetime ago. He did not move, nor did he disengage from his sublime meditation. He would listen to Harry. He would accept whatever abuse Harry would rain upon him. He would take any punishment; he deserved it. He would not retaliate, would not fight, wouldn't protest. He'd nearly killed Ginny and then he'd pissed on her future by forcing himself into the blood-binding. He deserved anything Potter could dream up.

Muffled sounds filtered through his Occlumency; Harry was approaching. Severus felt nothing.

"Ginny's awake today, Severus." Potter's whispered voice sounded so alien and wrong, tinny, like it was transmitting through broken speakers. Almost sharply dull, and nearly unrecognizable. _Curious_. He dismissed the thought as soon as it had appeared.

"She's asking for you," came the brassy sound. He let the boy's voice slip through his mind like water without acknowledgment.

Dull tactile sensation registered on his shoulder. It was odd; he felt as if Potter were touching him through layer upon layer of thick furs and blankets, as if the sensations barely reached his skin. _It's the blankness of my mind, though, isn't it?_ He thought with the barest of interest. He'd never stayed subsumed for so long. He surmised that was what was going on, anyway; he had long forsaken the ability to register the passage of time.

"Damnit, Severus! Look at me!" Recognizing the anger he'd been desperate to receive Severus immediately submitted to Harry's dominance, though he remained firmly lost in peaceful Occlusion. "What is wrong with you? Have you just been sitting here, all sealed off from the rest of us? Closed off from the world?" He registered a more vigorous sensation now; Potter had gripped his shoulders and was shaking him. "Damnit, Severus, you still have blood in your fingernails! You haven't washed?. Have you even moved?" Severus simply stared vaguely at the boy who had been his lover and let blissful, blistering anger flow over him.

"It's been three bloody goddamn days!" Potter was shouting now. "Three days of Madame Pomfrey and the Headmistress. Three days of questions I don't know how to answer, three days of staring at Ginny, pale and still as death. Why weren't you there with me at her side?" he shouted, though Severus could clearly hear the boy's grief now. "I needed you, Severus!" Potter shouted, voice braking. "I was so scared, and I needed you, he began to cry softly. "Severus, please answer me, please. I need you. Ginny needs-"

Severus' eyes cleared and he looked at Harry sharply. "No," he croaked hoarsely.

Potter looked at Severus in confusion. "No?"

"No you don't need me." He had to clear his throat in order to continue. "No one needs me. You're better without me. Everything is better without me." Severus' mind slumped back down towards blankness, spent from his moment of responsiveness.

"Fuck what you think, Severus! No, I won't let you disappear again!" Severus felt that vague shaking sensation again as Potter tried to reason with the man.

 _SLAP!_ Bright, clear sound rang through the room as the first clear and crisp sensations in days registered in Severus' dulled mind; his eyes burned as tears welled up from the sharp pain blossoming in his cheek.

Severus scrambled to reconstruct his blissful nothingness, to regain the peace of the blood, sought desperately to return to the place where he couldn't hurt the ones he lovded.

The intimate stillness, the blissful nothingness had slipped away as Harry hit him again, harder this time. Severus saw stars and blinked away the tears from the sting. It had taken so little of Harry's effort, as if the peace Severus had attained had been nothing but mist. Blinking the last of the Occlumency haze from his eyes, he finally saw Harry. The boy's brow was drawn in fright and frustration and pain, his eyes dark, red rimmed and sunken. Tears streaked down the boy's cheeks as he gripped Severus shoulders, pleading with him to return to the world.

"I…" Severus didn't know what to say. "I'm…I'm so sorry. I should have…I…" he babbled incoherently before giving up and hanging his head in shame and anguish. "I've killed her, I've ruined her, you. I should never have allowed…"

Severus was silenced suddenly when Harry's lips crashed against his own. "Shut up," Harry ordered before crashing his lips against Severus' a second time. He tried to pull himself away from the boy, but Harry was having none of it. Severus turned his face away from Harry's pleading eyes and desperate lips, but Harry grabbed a fist full of Severus' filthy hair and violently jerked his head back. Severus pushed feebly against Harry's muscular chest and tried to turn away a third time but Harry easily overpowered him in his weakened state, pinning him flat on his back on the hard stone floor.

Tears not from physical pain flowed freely from Severus at Harry's assault continued. "Why are you doing this, Harry?" he asked weakly, continuing to resist Harry's forceful advances. "Leave me be, it's better this way."

"Because I need you to wake up, Severus! Stop wallowing in whatever delusions of guilt you have and help me with her!"

Severus grabbed Harry's wrists and tried to unlatch the boy's hands from the front of his robes with little success. "I can't help you, look what my help did to Ginny!" Pain and self- loathing bubbled up from deep in his gut and his chest felt like it was being squeezed in a vise as he remembered slipping in her blood on his own damn bathroom floor. "She trusted me and I killed her, Harry!" he cried in frustration at his continued inability to gain control of the situation.

"She's not dead!" Harry roared, his face flushed bright red with fury. "Stop saying that!" Harry continued, punctuating each word with a solid fist to Severus' chest. "You're the one who's been dead for the last three goddamn fucking days, Severus! So yes, I'm doing whatever I can think of to get through your fucking thick skull! Nothing else has worked, so yeah, I'm trying this!" he shouted, reaching down and cupping Severus' flaccid member through his trousers.

Awkward sensations flooded through Severus' treacherous body at Harry's aggressive advances. The purely reflexive pleasure of Harry's touch clashed against nausea-inducing thoughts of Ginny's free-flowing lifeblood. A deep, gut wrenching sob brought both tears and strength; Severus twisted his hips away from Harry's confusing touch but Harry merely sat up and overpowered the Potion Master's movement with fiercely strong arms. Severus struggled desperately underneath the boy who only gripped his older lover with more frustrated anger.

With his mental control in tatters, Harry's overly aggressive sexual advances sent him into a spiral of memories he'd been occluding for years. His mother in this same position, being raped and beaten by her own drunken husband. Memories of himself, naked and at the mercy of Lucius Malfoy on the night he'd been inducted into the Dark Lord's service. Bella binding him to a St. George's Cross and torturing him for failing to acquire the location of the Potters all those years ago. Grief and anger and pain and confusion swirled through his entire body and within moments he could not remember where he was or who was attacking him. Severus made ever more desperate attempts to escape his captor, kicking out hard but just missing Potter's knee, turning his head towards the arm that now held down his shoulder once more and biting down viciously. When the boy yelped and withdrew his wounded arm Severus swung with all the strength and leverage he could, striking the younger man in the jaw, hard.

The blow worked to stun his attacker and he followed it up with a rough shove to free himself and a sharp kick to the shin before Severus scrambled back away from the boy as fast as he could. Severus retreated to the wall where he'd spent the last three days and grabbed his wand, turning as fast as he could manage to brace himself against the wall before pointing a shaky wand at the boy.

As he cleared his blurry eyes and wiped tears and snot from his face his deep, panicky breathing calmed a bit. His mental fog cleared within another few moments and the sound of weeping registered. It occurred to him then what he'd done- and to whom. "Harry!" he called hoarsely as he dropped his wand and skittered across the rough stone floor back to his young lover. "I'm so sorry, Harry, I'm so sorry for hurting you," he cried desperately, cradling the boy's head in his lap and carding messy black hair through his own wracking sobs. "I…I…" he started, but didn't know how to apologize. "I'm sorry for hurting you, Harry, I will never hit you again, I swear it," he rambled.

Harry wrapped his arms around Severus and held desperately tight, "Gods, Severus, I need you, I'm so scared, I just need you with me, I don't care, I love you, I…" Harry broke then, unable to continue for the sobs that wracked his young frame. Neither man heard the admission the three of them had been avoiding for weeks.

"I'm sorry I left you, Harry," he said, his voice thick with tears. "I thought…" but he couldn't finish his thought; it was too painful. "Ginny," Severus moaned under his breath. "Oh, Ginny."

The two men sat and held each other and cried and until there were no more tears. They sat holding each other longer, until the pain and stiffness of laying sprawled on the hard stone of the dungeon floor was more distracting than their shared grief. Slowly they stood and faced each other. The moment that should have been awkward, when each man truly looked at the other since Ginny's near-death, simply wasn't. The swirl of emotions that had overwhelmed and consumed each man simply melted into tenderness. Severus didn't know who began that first touch of lips but didn't care; both of them were reaching out to the other and finding the comfort and stability they needed. Severus translated all of his confusing, impossible, and overwhelming feelings into a symphony played on Harry's body.

He worshiped the strong, lithe physique of his quidditch player with tender touches and gentle kisses as he unfastened button after button of Harry's white oxford shirt. Delicate fingers danced over tanned skin, breezed over sensitive, dusky buds, trailed shuddering ecstasy over angular planes. Harry gripped Severus shirt and simply ripped it off the man, leaning down and nipping Severus' own nub of tender flesh. Harry pushed all of the thick layers of cloth off his lover's shoulders, letting it all slip to the floor in a heap. The ripped white shirt followed shortly, followed by Harry's carefully unbuttoned oxford. Harry pressed himself against Severus, who reveled in the feel of skin against skin as the younger man increased the fervor of his kisses yet again. He willingly complied as Harry began maneuvering them through the sitting room, down the hall, into the bedroom. His tears returned at the thought of this room, though, and Harry pulled away just a little when he noticed Severus' shoulders begin to shake.

He felt weak. He'd spent the last three days in a magic-aided oblivion, disregarding the needs of his body and ignoring the needs of his soul. He was exhausted. It was so much harder to occlude now, he realized, after being so deep for so long, and it seemed that he was virtually unable to dampen his emotions. Exhaling a great, shuddering breath, Severus leaned against Harry for a moment, taking comfort and strength from the young man standing with him. He felt Harry's warm arms wrap around his thin frame as he cooed sweetly, "I've got you, Sev. We're going to be ok. Everything's going to be ok,"

The Potions Master sighed heavily and shook his head in affirmation against Harry's shoulder. "Yes."

Harry began guiding Severus again, and now he could tell that they were moving toward the bathroom, not the bed. He wanted to freeze on the spot, to refuse, to retreat into the blankness he'd created within his mind. He desperately wanted to never again look at the stone tiles that had been drenched in blood but as Harry continued maneuvering, Severus followed. As the two men crossed the threshold of the large bath Severus clawed his fingernails into Harry's steadying arm. Harry never betrayed a bit of discomfort; instead, he simply whispered a soothing, "Ginny's recovered, she did not die here." He dared to look around at that; the house elves had really outdone themselves. No trace of blood remained within the tiny crevices of the stone floor. The bathroom looked…normal. Ordinary. Fresh towels, sparkling clean sink, spot-free mirror, no cursed silver ritual blade. It was just a bathroom again. His focus came back to Harry as he felt tugging on his trousers; Harry was working on the many buttons on the placket of his trousers. His lip twitched involuntarily in what almost constituted a smirk for him. His affinity for buttons had frustrated and stymied Harry on more than one occasion. Momentarily distracted by his lover, Severus grasped the edges of the buttoned placket and gave it a subtle jerk; all of the buttons came undone smoothly in one smooth motion. Harry's face twisted into an irritated pout at that; he'd been begging to learn "that little magic trick" for ages. Harry finished undressing them both and guided Severus into the hot spray of the shower. As soon as the nearly scalding water touched his skin Severus was overwhelmed by the need to scrub and wash. His face felt grimy, his arms and legs were caked with residue from sweat and he smelled of three day's musk, and with horror he remembered what Harry had said about the dried blood in his fingernails. He clenched his teeth against another wave of grief and grabbed his shampoo potion. He applied it liberally to his utterly disgusting lank strands but before he could start working it in Harry carded his fingers in Severus' sudsy locks and began a slow, relaxing massage. Severus groaned when Harry pressed against his body and resumed their heated kissing.

Heady waves of pleasure and calm rolled over Severus as Harry continued his tender touches and fierce kisses. Severus accepted Harry's advances, simply absorbing Harry's heat and warmth while hot water sluiced over their bodies. Harry finished with Severus' hair and moved on to wash the man's body, forgoing a washcloth or sponge in favor of running his hands over every inch of his lover's skin. Gently, kindly, Harry began by slowly working the lather across Severus' rather broad shoulders and down his biceps and arms before lacing fingers with the man and sharing another kiss, this one slow and gentle. Harry lifted one arm at a time, cleansing first his fingers and hands, then working the lather all the way to the man's underarms. Severus watched Harry's ministrations with a strange detachment. _This is what you would do for your wife or your child._ He felt like an outsider even as he watched Harry run soapy hands achingly slowly across Severus' chest and abdomen.

Harry turned his brilliant green eyes up at him with the barest of smiles and sank to his knees. The wicked boy neglected Severus' semi-soft member in favor of cleansing Severus' thighs before moving down to Severus' feet. Harry leaned closer as he wrapped his hands around the back of Severus calves, his face now only about an inch from Severus' burgeoning erection. Severus squeezed his eyes tight against the image of his young lover smirking up at him and exhaled in surprise as Harry ran his soapy hands across the fine dusting of hair above his manhood and down either side of it and around to the junction of his strong thighs.

Severus gripped Harry's shoulder to steady himself against the heady wave of anticipation flooding his senses and closed his eyes again. Severus released his hold as Harry began to move, but still Severus kept his eyes closed, fighting the pleasure that Harry was bringing. Instinctively, he tipped his head to the side as Harry began kissing and suckling at his neck and ear from behind as soapy hands roamed over his back. Lost to his own anguish a low, growling moan escaped his throat as Harry's hands roamed over Severus' thin frame. and the boy pressed against him, continuing to nuzzle and flirt with the shell of his ear.

A jolt of desire pulsed through him when Harry pressed himself flat against Severus' back, his lover's ardor nestling in the crevice of his backside. Harry continued to nuzzle and flirt with the shell of Severus' ear and finally took the man in hand. The feeling of being held so tightly against his young lover's chest, hot water raining down on them both, the rhythmic fisting of his cock; Severus lost everything else. He wrapped his hands against Harry's forearms, reveling in the security and strength and heat and passion.

He complied willingly when Harry maneuvered Severus to face the shower wall and again when he whispered in his ear in a lust filled husk, "Hands on the wall, spread your legs," punctuated with a sharp nip to the shoulder that they both knew would leave a welt. Harry brought a sudsy finger to bare on Severus' entrance while he continued fisting Severus' cock. The rarely used opening was agonizingly, blissfully tight as Harry added a second digit and began the preparations in earnest. Severus was lost to grunting and moaning and the work of keeping himself upright against the burning and stretch and pleasure. He felt the coil in his belly twist and tighten further and further as two scissored fingers became three fingers gliding in and out in an agonizingly slow rhythm. Harry began pumping Severus' cock furiously, while maintaining an agonizing pace with the digits in his ass.

Severus sucked in hard breaths and fisted his hands against the tile as he felt himself getting closer to breaking apart. His moans sounded agonized to his own ears and his toes started to curl; he was so close now.

"I'm in love with you, Severus Snape," Harry husked right as he twisted his fingers and flicked his lover's prostate. Those words alone would have been enough to spell his undoing, but together with the physical jolt of pleasure Severus arched back violently and spurted his seed against the tile and all over Harry's fist as the younger man worked to milk every last drop he had to give.

And as Severus caught his breath held tightly in Harry's arms, he watched hot, clean water wash away soap and filth and guilt and blood and seed.


	16. Chapter 16

Just a heads up…I've updated 2 different chapters. I've fixed a continuity error in Ch 11 thanks to Helensdragon for pointing it out! And while I was scouring the story looking for that I noticed that I mentioned in Ch 13 that I'd add a summary of it at the beginning of the next chapter for those wanting to skip the self-harm trigger, so I've added that summary to Ch 14. Thank you for sticking with me! If you see an error or something that doesn't make sense *PLEASE* PM me about it, and I'll fix it!

Thanks to all of my lovelies who see the big green button at the bottom and click it… Helensdragon, shera98, addictedtocsi777 and Tlcatlady- you're awesome and you've made my week.

Just sayin'… I wrote this chapter in one sitting after all the lovely feedback from Ch 15. Big button at the bottom… click it… -cinder

xXx

Severus was on the verge of collapse after such a powerful climax and leaning heavily against Harry. The boy gently aided his love onto his knees on the shower floor and directed him to lean on his forearms. Now prostrate for his lover, Severus continued to take deep breaths as the hot bliss receded from his mind, clearing his thoughts.

"Harry," he started, but just then Harry began slowly pushing himself into Severus. Both men groaned from the sensations, and Severus was grateful that Harry paused for a moment once he was fully sheathed. Fighting through the haze of pain and pleasure, Severus continued. "Harry, no. You're not in…" but he couldn't get the word out. Couldn't say it, even to deny it. He grunted and moaned and cried as Harry began to move, slowly and subtly at first but he rapidly accelerated to such a blistering pace that Severus couldn't continue stammering on about Harry's feelings.

The boy's nails dug into Severus' lean hips painfully as he slammed home again and again, and the bite of the stone tile on his knees and the ache and the fatigue of the last few days swirled together with the pleasure still roiling through his body from his own completion and with the bittersweet ache of the boy's love, his sweet moans and jerking hips as he found his own release and Severus wept.

xXx

It was much later that Severus woke in his own bed wrapped in clean, warm sheets. He was exhausted, but he was clean and comfortable and better rested. He remembered what had roused him when he recognized the sound of the door to his quarters open; Harry had gotten out of bed. _Harry._ Harry had come for him. For _him!_ Severus chastised himself as he reached out and touched the still-warm pillow next to him. _Sentimental fool,_ he derided. The door closed again and he heard the distinctive clack of Minerva's boots on the stone in the sitting room. Severus squeezed his eyes closed and quieted his breathing so that he could hear.

"Why don't you sit, Professor? I'll get you a drink." He heard the clink of a glass on the side table, then Harry must have been rummaging through his collection of Scotch. He idly hoped that Harry had picked up at least a little understanding of his array of the drink.

"Mr. Potter…" Severus could hear the shock in her subdued address. "You seem quite… familiar." Severus smirked at Minerva's patented statement-question. He smirked as he imagined the disapproving way she pursed her lips so tightly they nearly disappeared, and he wondered how high she'd managed to raised her eyebrows.

"Yes." The clear crisp ring of the crystal decanter with the Scotch Minerva had given him for Christmas last. _Good, that's a decent offering._ The phumph! of a cork pulled out of a bottle; he guessed it was a bottle of the red that he and Ginny had favored lately.

Idly, Severus wondered what Harry was wearing as he sat down to speak with the Headmistress about his- their- all three of their- relationship. _Relationships?_ He hoped that Harry had grabbed the fluffy navy blue robe that she'd given him years ago; it was knee length, which was rather immodest on him due to his height. That had been her goal, as he'd understood it at the time, a counterpoint to his buttons. _Serves her right,_ he smirked to himself _to see who has been using it recently_.

He assumed he'd missed a comment or question from the Headmistress, because he only heard Harry's calm, measured reply, "I don't really think there's any reason to pretend that you don't already know, Professor. Do you?"

"Mr. Potter, this is completely inappropriate behavior, I expected-"

"What, exactly? You requested to speak to me. And with all due respect, you did not wait for me to come to you, like we had agreed, Headmistress. You shouldn't have expected me to be prepared to see you since you didn't see the necessity of giving me even a few minutes' warning. And call me Harry, like you always do outside of class, please. I don't see any reason to pretend that _our_ relationship is strictly student-teacher, either."

Silence.

"I am here because Severus needs me, Headmistress, not because you asked me to come. I am not your whipping boy; I had quite enough of that job from Professor Dumbledore. And with all due respect, I did not spend the last twelve hours putting him back together again so that you can barge in here and cut him down, or me. Now, I if you would like to have a reasonable discussion, I'm more than willing. I will answer your questions as honestly as I can. Like I said, I don't see the point in obscuring the truth from you, at least."

After a pause of awkward length, Minerva's pride gave way to her curiosity. "What precisely…" she began, and Severus imagined that she was choosing her words carefully lest the answer she receive contain less- or worse, _more-_ information than she wanted. "…is the nature of your relationship, Harry?" came the rest of her calm, even question.

"My relationship with whom, Professor?" Harry replied coolly. _Gods, he's not making this easy for her!_

Minerva gave a loud sigh of exasperation. "With Profes- with Severus." He smirked at the use of his given name over his title, knowing that the overt reference to the power dynamic between the two of them made her a bit queasy. What is the nature of your relationship with Severus?"

"We are involved."

"And Ginny? Are you not dating Miss Weasley currently?"

"We are involved," Harry repeated rather carefully.

"Is that what happened? Did she discover you cheating on her, and then attempt to kill herself?" Minerva gasped, clearly disturbed by the idea.

"You misunderstand me, Professor. The _Royal_ we. And Ginny was not trying to off herself!" Harry bit out that last comment with bitterness and pain lacing his voice.

"Harry, dear, do you mean to tell me that you…are involved…with Severus…and Ginny is not upset by this? If Ginny was not attempting to harm herself…please, Harry, help me understand this situation." Severus could hear the exhausted confusion in Minerva's tone and hoped that Harry recognized and capitalized on it.

"Professor, forgive me for abandoning tact for the moment, but you are clearly not understanding what I am saying. Ginny and Severus and I are involved. With each other. All of us. And all of us are aware of it." Harry wisely gave her a minute to absorb that information before continuing. "As for Ginny's accident… it's a long story, unfortunately." Harry took a deep breath and collected his thoughts before continuing. "Being possessed by a shard of Tom's soul…left scars. Have you ever heard the term, 'cutter,' Professor?"

"Stars above!" Minerva gasped.

"She started right after that. She was twelve." Severus figured that Minerva was probably digging for a kerchief as Harry continued. "Molly found out two years later, while she was home for the summer. She got hurt playing Quidditch, and when Molly went to heal her she saw all the scars and freaked out. They took her to St. Mungo's and had her locked up for a few weeks. It did her more harm than good, she just learned to hide her scars better and fake being normal with the rest of us."

"I had no idea, I swear on my magic, Harry. If I had know…"

"No one knew. Except Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Fred, who was close enough to see it, and they swore him to secrecy, even from George. They told the rest of the boys that she got hurt way worse than she did, not that was being locked up with the crazys." Severus' mind supplied the images she'd shared with him. Blearily coming back to consciousness, the agony of the injury, the horror on her mum's face. The shame, the disgust. Waves of nausea and searing pain from being floo'd to St Mungo's with a badly injured shoulder, and being taken to the Mind Healers first. Of screaming and crying for her mum, of feeling abandoned and alone.

"She hid it really well, Professor. I didn't even know until a few weeks after the end of the war…" his voice tapered off in reverie.

Severus heard a series of undignified sniffles before Harry took up the tale again. "She was doing better. I don't think she'd cut in…I don't know. But she was better. She'd even been working with Severus on her memories. Did you know he has a talent for mind healing, Professor? He's helped us both. A lot."

"So is that what goes on between you and Severus? Mind healing?"

Harry sputtered what Severus assumed was the wine and then fell into a great belly laugh. Severus had to snort, too; Minerva wanted to believe anything except what was staring her right in the face.

"I'm sorry, Professor, I'm..." he tried, but lost his composure again. As his laughter settled he tried again; "Professor, I would please like you to understand what I am telling you, because I don't relish the thought of repeating this. Ginny and Severus are involved in _a_ relationship, not many separate ones. We do many different things together, and one of the things we do together is have sex. Often all at the same time. With each other. All of us." Severus had to bite down on his fist to keep from snorting loudly and laughing. Hard. He was going to have to see Harry's memories of Minerva's reaction later.

"Do…do you…" she stuttered, trying to find her feet again. "Are you in love with him?" she spit out the words fast, as if she knew she's never be able to ask if she didn't in that exact moment. _Damn Gryffindors._

"I don't see how that is any of your concern, Headmistress," Harry said cautiously.

"Not my business? You are a student in my school and have just confessed to being… _involved_ with one of my professors! How is that not my business?" she quipped.

"With all due respect, you have the right to know that we're physically involved, but you have no right to know who I love, no matter if it's Ginny or Hermione or Severus or bloody Draco Malfoy! And don't even think of asking me how Severus feels. I think you know how he would answer that question. Let his actions be evidence enough, as they are for me." Severus was so proud of his lover in that moment. Harry had stood up for not only himself, but for both of his lovers as well and clearly defined the boundaries of the conversation for Minerva. And he'd been bloody gentle about it.

"Draco?" she asked in confusion.

Harry huffed a laugh. "Ok, that I will tell you. I am not in love with the bloody blond ferret, Headmistress," he said, making the epithet sound quite dignified. _Brilliant. Bloody brilliant!_ "I was simply making a point. Now, Professor, I believe you wanted to know more about the incident four days ago." _It's been another day already?_ He cast a quick tempest spell wandlessly; mid-afternoon. He wasn't sure how helpful that information was, as he'd really had no concept of time in the last several days.

"Yes. What happened, Harry? Poppy mentioned something about a cursed blade and a bonding, but kept telling me that she'd been rather too busy to ask questions, Winkey simply repeated that she was never to speak to anyone about anything that happens in Potions Master's rooms; apparently that was his stipulation for taking her on when he was Headmaster."

"Winkey, may I speak to you?" Harry called.

 _Crack!_ "Master's master calls Winkey?" the little elf answered in an instant. Fortunately, Harry's loud snort covered Severus' own rather well, or so he hoped as he spied a large goblet and several potions phials on his bedside table and finally began to sit up.

"What did you call me, Winkey?" Harry said with evident amusement.

"Winkey calls Master's Master…" the little elf scrunched up her face, realizing she'd talked herself in a circle. "Winkey calls Master's Master 'Master's Master,' Sir," the elf said with confidence this time, obviously deciding there was no other way to answer the question. "You calls, Sir?" the little elf prompted in a squeaky voice, cutting through muffled snickers and laughs.

"Master's Master called Winkey to tell her how wonderful an elf she is. And to thank you for what you did to help… Master's Miss." Severus caught the note of amusement in Harry's voice as he conjured the nickname. "You saved her life, Winkey, and I just realized that I hadn't thanked you yet. Please make sure you treat yourself tonight, in whatever way you like. Can you think of something you would really like, Winkey?" Harry asked gently.

With almost no pause, the little elf answered, "Winkey only most wants to be serving Master and Master's Master and Miss forever. Winkey wants to be belong to the Bonded Three. But Winkey understands Master and Winkey will be happy making special dinner for when Miss comes home, Sir. Winkey likes being a good elf again, Sir!" and with another crack the elf disappeared.

"How…informative," he heard Minerva say.

"How so, Professor?" Harry asked.

"So tell me what happened that night, Harry," Minerva spun the conversation quickly.

Severus' brow drew together in thought. _Elves know bonding._ He wasn't terribly surprised that Winkey would recognize the ritual magic he'd employed to close Ginny's wound, and elves tended to call all males "master." _It could be that simple_. but he couldn't help the feeling that there was more to the elf's words. _Possession… Dominance?_ He and Harry had often traded and fought for the more dominant role in their sexual encounters, though Harry seemed to be quite content to let Severus call the shots outside the bedroom. _How could she know that, though? How could she know that I… what I do?_ He shook his head. He'd learned long ago to never underestimate how much an elf might know about his family. _Maybe I'm a paranoid son-of-a-bitch former spy and she was only referencing affection,_ he derided himself. He would have to think on later.

"...after she woke up yesterday. She was working with Severus to help Draco, and…"

"You said that you don't like Draco?"

"For one, I said that I don't _love_ the git. Two, I said Ginny was helping Draco's _godfather_ with him, I didn't say I was helping. Saving him from the Fiend Fire set us square for his help at the Manor, I'm good, thanks. Three, if you'd like to hear what happened, I suggest you let me tell you." _That boy's been spending too much time around his snarky potions professor._

Voice tight with restrained anger, Minerva intoned, "Please, continue."

"I apologize for my rudeness, Professor, but none of this is easy for me to discuss," Harry admitted with an exasperated sigh. "Another for you?" he asked before Severus heard the distinctive sound of a cork being pulled out of a bottle. He assumed from the crisp clink of the crystal decanter that Minerva had taken Harry up on the offer.

"She's been trying to help Severus reach out to Draco, but it hasn't been going well. Her newest bloody brilliant idea was to just do it herself. She showed up in Sev's office-"

He scowled at that; the two brats only got away with calling him that because they- well, because they shagged him senseless on a regular basis- but he was not comfortable with Minerva hearing the nickname.

"-when she knew Malfoy would be there, pretending she had detention. They ended up organizing the Potions stock room, I guess, she actually got him to talk about it. He apologized for raping her and-"

"What?" Minerva exclaimed. "Miss Weasley was sexually assaulted? When? Why am I only know hearing of this? Has nothing been done? Who knew about this?" Severus could tell Minerva would have continued but Harry cut her off.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Professor, I thought… I don't know why, I thought you knew. It was when… when Tom was in charge of the school," Harry said decisively, and Severus blew out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. He didn't want to think on the fact that he'd been Headmaster while Ginny was being repeatedly assaulted by students of his own house, and he didn't need to hear what Harry would say about Miss Weasley's experiences as he already replayed those nightmares often enough.

Deciding to tune out of the conversation, Severus examined the potions that Harry had left on the night stand: a restorative, a nutrient potion, a strengthening draught and a small jar of healing salve. He smirked at the salve; he would relish the painful reminder of Harry's dominance. For now. He drank the potions in quick succession and chased it with the goblet of water.

Slowly and carefully he stood and made his way to the bathroom where he relived himself, splashed his face with water, cleaned his teeth and freshened his breath. And touched a finger to the ledge of the sink where his bloody ritual knife had indicted him only a few days ago.

He moved quietly to his dresser and pulled out a comfortable pair of sleeping pants, boxers, and an old Pink Floyd t-shirt. If Minerva had barged in without invitation, she had no right to expect him to be properly attired. And he was far too tired for buttons.

He retrieved the goblet drank more water as he began listening again. "…appeared in the common room, grabbed my hand and apparated me directly here, right outside the bathroom door. It was… I can't describe it, Professor. It was horrible. She was so pale, and there was so much blood, and he was so scared, but trying not to be. I'll never forget the look on his face when he realized the ritual wasn't working…" Harry trailed off, and Severus assumed both he and Minerva were responsible for all the quiet sniffling.

He leaned his forehead against the door jam and concentrated on continuing to breathe evenly and calmly as he tried to beat back the panic and fear of the last few days.

"Tell me about the bonding. What do you know?"

"I don't really know much. He asked me if I loved Ginny, and when I said yes, he shoved the tip of my wand into the cut and told me to focus, but it didn't work. I couldn't concentrate, I was so scared. I wanted it to work, I tried, I thought about love, but it wasn't enough, I knew she was dying and it was going to be my fault because I didn't love her enough." Severus clenched his teeth hard and just kept breathing as he listed to his lover.

"Then Severus… I think… I think he linked with me somehow, you know, our minds… helped me focus on my love for- helped me focus on how much we _both_ love her. I know he feels like he shouldn't have, Professor, he feels like shit that he bound her to him-"

"Mr. Potter, watch your language, please," Minerva cut in, but Harry didn't seem to have even noticed.

"-but it wasn't like that, Professor. He saved her life. He doesn't think belongs with us, that we're just playing around with him, I think. He doesn't know how perfect he is. How perfect we are together. He wasn't going to do it, Professor. He wouldn't, wouldn't have done it, but I knew she was dying and I couldn't let her go! I made him do it, Professor. He didn't want to, but he couldn't let her die."

At that he padded out of the bedroom and down the hall in bare feet to face Minerva. He couldn't let Harry stand in for him forever.

His lover stood when he noticed Severus enter the room; at the boy's cautious expression Severus cracked the barest hint of a smirk and opened his arms in invitation. Harry closed the distance and hugged the gruff Potions Master. Severus wrapped his arms in a tight embrace and rested his head on the top of Harry's. Harry mumbled something softly into his chest and Severus reflexively squeezed his eyes closed against a tide of emotions and held Harry even tighter. After another moment, Severus placed a sweet kiss on the top of Harry's head and relaxed the embrace. The two men took up seats next to each other on the love seat. Harry sat much like he had been when Severus had entered: perched on the very edge, leaning forward and elbows resting on his knees. Engaged and honest, open, but not casual. Severus relaxed into his corner, crossing his legs and resting one arm along the back of the sofa. In charge. _Dominant and possessive._

"Winkey," he called quietly.

 _Crack!_ "Master calls Winkey?" The little elf looked extraordinarily pleased to have been called. Actually, Severus couldn't recall ever actually looking at the little elf. She was diminutive, with tennis ball-sized eyes, knobby knees and elbows and long, floppy ears, like all house elves. She looked rather young, and had a certain wisdom about her, a depth to her eyes that spoke of all the trauma the little elf had endured. She was quite clean, too, which was a change he hadn't noticed since he'd accepted her assistance two years ago. Her tea towel was crisp, spotless white with the intricately embroidered Hogwarts crest proudly displayed on the left.

He leaned in towards the little elf and in what he knew from experience was an unintelligibly low rumble from just feet away, told the elf, "I think your request is quite reasonable. If that is your wish, I wish to grant it. You honor me with your service, Winkey, and you are a good elf," he finished with soft, smiling eyes.

Blank expression back in place, he resumed his position. "Tea for three, please."

"Yes, sir!" Winkey replied crisply, the beginnings of waterworks already evident in her eyes. By the time she'd cracked back in and out with the tea service, biscuits, and a towering plate of sandwiches that she pushed directly at Severus with a bit of an "if you know what's good for you" glare, she was sniffling full force and tears had just begun to fall.

"Severus, did you have to make the poor creature cry?"

"I haven't had the pleasure of making any students cry in four days, Minnie. I merely seized the opportunity I saw," he said, simultaneously reminding her what an unbearable git he was and that she had come to his quarters, and uninvited at that. He would not refrain from her casual moniker on account of Harry's presence.

Harry quickly recovered his slack jaw and swallowed a grunt of humor.

Severus placed the plate of sandwiches on the side table for later; he would not eat in front of Minerva. He was starving but he was sure he could move this conversation right along to accommodate the protestations of his belly.

"The knife Ginny found, as I'm sure Poppy informed you, is a ritual knife that has been cursed to be used for bonding."

"Severus, why did you have such a dark object? Why would you bring it here?"

"As to how I got it, can you not imagine how I might have come across a ritual knife used for a bonding? I will not speak on why I have chosen to keep it, nor why I have chosen to keep it close. Needless to say, I believed that it was in a place where it would harm no innocents."

He took a sip of his tea as Minerva began to process that information. "The curse on the blade is quite simple, if insidious. The curse prevents any true wound from healing, either naturally or by magic, until the cursed wound is used as an anchor for a binding. I simply turned the curse's concept of bonding on its head; instead of a subservient bonding, Mr. Potter bonded his magic to Ginny's through their mutual affection."

"So simple, eh? By Poppy's account you didn't understand the nature of the curse immediately," Minerva prodded.

Severus remained silent, unwilling to tell her that he'd had no idea exactly how dark an object that blade was. He took another sip of tea and looked down at Harry.

"It didn't work, I'm told? Not immediately?" Minerva continued fishing.

"I do not know exactly why the first attempt at bonding was unsuccessful."

"But you have a theory?"

Harry looked like he was watching tennis. "Several."

"And?"

"Unimportant."

"I disagree."

"You needn't agree." Minerva gave an exasperated huff at Severus' uninformative tactics. "The bonding, the history of the blade, these are details ancillary to you. You needn't understand how we are bonded, only that we are. You needn't understand why it worked when I joined it, only that it did and Miss Weasley is now recovered, as I understand it. What more information do you require?"

"What are your feelings for the girl?"

"No."

"And Harry? Do you love him, Severus? Are you in love?"

"This is an inappropriate line of questioning, and if you do not desist I will require that you take leave of my quarters."

She huffed loudly and tried a different tact. "How did this begin?"

"And by 'this' you mean…"

"Your _involvement_ with Harry and Ginny."

"By accident, I assure you."

"Severus, why are you being so insufferable?"

Harry couldn't hold back his amusement any longer, apparently, because he barked out a loud laugh. "Pardon me, Professor, but you have met him, haven't you?" he said, jutting a thumb in Severus' direction. A low, warning growl emanated from his chest unbidden.

Harry whipped his head around, shock plastered on his face until it crumbled to raucous laughter. "Case in point!"

"Harry, dear, don't you think it's time to return to-" the Headmistress attempted in her most sincere, motherly tone.

"No," Severus cut her off. "You do not get to dismiss him for your own comfort. Ask your questions," Severus demanded.

Minerva took a moment to collect herself, calmly sipping at her tea.

"Severus, did you seduce either of these students?" she asked directly.

"I did not, Minerva. I am, however, guilty of submitting to my… base instincts when temptation hounded me relentlessly."

"He's telling the truth, Headmistress. We… I really…" Harry seemed to suddenly find his folded hands fascinating. "Enticed him. Seduced him. We're all of age, Professor, if that helps," and even as he said it he cringed. "I mean-"

Severus grasped Harry's bicep. "It's ok, Harry. Nothing you say will improve the Headmistress' opinion of me in this regard." He looked at his sheepish lover's beautiful face before adding, "Thank you," and pulling him in for another kiss on the head. He kept his eyes trained on Minerva, though, as she watched Harry. She was unsettled by the signs of his affection. _And why not? She's seen more affection from me in ten minutes than she's seen in twenty years- fuck, than she's ever seen._ Severus pulled Harry back in the sofa to lean gently against his side and wrapped a possessive arm about the younger man's waist.

"What more would you like of me, Minerva? Would you like me to tell you how Ginny first kissed me? What she said to me, how I was so shocked by her advances that I allowed her to climb on my lap? How it felt to have a beautiful woman desire my company for the first time in twenty years? How exactly she forced me to admit that her advances were having an effect on my person? What those effects were?" Harry was snickering loudly and only calmed when one arm around his waist became a pair encircling his chest and pulling him closer still. "Do you really want to know what it was like to slake my curiosity regarding the carnal delights of women even as Harry was exploring his affinity for dominance and learning the give and take of dueling masculine energies? I think you have your answers already, Minerva."

"And what of the school? What of its reputation? Have you done this before, Severus? Given in to your base urges?"

"Never, Headmistress," he snarled viciously. "I am no pedophile," he spat through clenched teeth.

"And yet you admit you have not one, but two young lovers? Students?"

He jumped up at that. "You know nothing!" he snarled in his most deadly drawl.

"One of them a rape victim?" Severus felt his rage threatening to overwhelm him so he reached for his occlumency, but it wasn't there. His physical body was recovering due to potions and a little rest, but his mind-scape remained a wasteland of blood and nightmarish snakes and monsters and flashing blades.

He vaguely heard Harry tell Minerva in no uncertain terms that she ought to leave immediately, and that no, he would not be leaving. He rounded on the door that lead to his office, grabbing a bottle from the little table as he turned and threw it as hard as he could towards the open door and Minerva. Harry must have utilized his seeker reflexes because instead of hitting his superior in between the shoulder blades, the wine bottle shattered against the thick wooden door. Red was everywhere. Pouring down the door, splattered on the adjacent walls, puddled on the floor. Puddled red, red puddle…

Roaring, he turned away from his guilt and exercised his rage against favorite chair, his chair by the fire where he spent so many nights reading alongside Ginny. He over turned it with a great effort of will and anger and heard a satisfying _crack!_ as it landed on its side. He followed it up by a kick and felt utterly idiotic when he realized too late that he was _not_ in fact wearing his heavy dragon hide boots, but it didn't matter. He'd walked on worse. He'd dragged himself back to the castle with a shattered ankle; this wouldn't slow him down. He did move on to more reasonable targets for his rage, however, and reached for a classic. He began picking up glasses from his little bar and firing them at the mantle. He'd managed two very satisfying shattered glasses and was aiming a third when Harry grabbed his arm.

"Stop, Sev. Just stop. He dropped the glass in favor of fisting Harry's hair jerking back violently, exposing his lover's mouth and neck beautifully. Severus latched on to the boy's pulse point and bit down, hard. Harry cried out in pain, but Severus couldn't stop himself. Unable to compartmentalize his mind after draining his magic and body and obliterating his Occlumency constructs, he felt dangerous. He had to get out of here. He needed to protect Harry, keep Harry from seeing the monster inside of him.

Severus pushed against Harry's chest, hard, and turned towards the fireplace. "Accio wand," he called loudly as he grabbed a pinch of floo powder. He threw it in the fire just as he caught his wand and idly noticed that he'd walked over the shattered remains of two whiskey glasses. Ignoring the pain now flaring through both feet, he stepped into the flames and called "Malfoy Mannor


	17. Chapter 17

Quick trigger warning for general violence and brutality, and a maybe a titch of yucky...

xXx

"Lucius!" he bellowed as he stalked out of the fireplace. "Lucius Fucking Abraxis Malfoy! Get your wrinkled cunt face down here, now!" He stalked out of the fireplace in the drawing room through to the entryway and the grand staircase, bloody footprints in his wake. Severus was out of his mind, more out of control than he'd ever been. Before he'd learned Occlumency, he'd had his father to keep him from expressing his rage so boisterously, and then there was his wounded pride whenever he'd tangled with the Marauders, and Lucius, all pulling him back from the true depth of his rage. And then Occlumency. He'd had his walls since he was 15 and his anger had gone from white hot to artic blue. No, he'd never been like this.

Lucius tore down the stairs, hair whipping around his utterly panicked expression and expensive robes billowing clumsily behind the house-bound death eater.

"Severus, I wasn't expecting-" but Severus cut him off with a particularly vindictive ball-busting hex. Lucius physically dodged that one and was more prepared for the next, a potentially lethal entrail expelling curse. Adrenaline and the barest bud of arousal coursed through Severus' rage-flushed body as Lucius body bent and twisted to one side and cast an adequately powerful shield charm to bear. Severus' body had always responded favorably to the sight of golden tresses falling loose and messy from a pretentious ribbon.

Now that his rival had managed to regain enough footing to defend himself against , Severus stopped holding himself back, flinging all but the unforgivables at his oldest friend and most bitter rival to ground out his rage. When curses bounced off Lucius' shields and shattered mirrors, ripped irreplaceable portraits and destroyed priceless pieces of pomp, the beast inside of Severus purred. Severus was merciless as he casually gained ground against his friend, flinging vicious curses insidious hexes, waiting for the weaker man's shields or step to fail. Severus saw his opening after Lucius flung himself to one side to dodge a particularly powerful Sectum Sempra. The older blond, now sweaty, out of breath, and clearly terrified, was clinging to the railing near the top of the grand staircase.

Severus flicked his wrist and sent a mild Reducto at the banister and watched as the formerly influential wizard fall to the parquet floor some thirty feet below. Severus turned and made his way out of the entrance hall, casually informing his toy, "Clean yourself up and meet me in the Dungeon in 15 minutes."

xXx

"…Master Snape?" came a too- timid voice from the mezzanine.

He'd known he'd left his friend in a bloody heap beneath the stairs. It hadn't even been the first time he'd done it. The noise would attract Narcissa or Lucius would call for a house elf to tend to any injuries and to repair the grand stair and entryway of the ancient estate while he descended to the dungeons and prepared for their play session. No one questioned it, no one interrupted it and no one called on him. Ever. That's just how it was.

Red flared from the embers of his now-quietly burning rage. He stopped mid-stride and waited.

When no answer came, he clenched his fists and answered, "Yes, Elf?"

"Ma- Master Sn- Snape is… is _bleeding_ , Master!" the elf replied with a squeak.

Severus examined his fists and found a few minor cuts and a sizable but mostly- healed potions burn from the day that Ginny had-

He forced his thoughts a different way and dropped his hands to his sides. "It doesn't matter."

"Not your hands, Sir. Sir's feet, Sir, is injured bad, Master Snape. Lout would like to help Master Snape, Sir, Lout doesn't like his Master to hurt himself more," the elf finished in a tiny voice.

Severus looked down and was surprised to thick crimson staining the entirety of both feet and seeping up the legs of his lounge pants. If he tried he could vaguely recall stepping on broken glass as he'd left his quarters, but he didn't want to try. He didn't want to remember, but now he couldn't stop and as pain fell back into place disgust, loathing and hatred overwhelmed him. Severus summoned a wingback chair from a nearby alcove and collapsed into it before he completely lost control of himself. He allowed the elf to minister to his shredded feet and attempted to meditate to block out some of the pain he could now feel, but all he did was sink into the swirling mass of his dark thoughts.

 _Pedophile! Perverted!_ The words rolled around in his head as he tried to even out his breathing. _Rape victim, child, student…_ All true. _Abuser._ Wasn't he an abuser? _Malfoy would say so_ , he thought wryly before scoffing at the notion. _Doesn't count,_ he answered though thoughts were falling through his head faster than he could follow them; he was in desperate need of his Occlumency.He knew he would never lose the bitter taste of Minerva's accusations, he would never forget the sharp stab of confirmed guilt, but he could hide it if he could just organize his mind, contain the churning tides guilt and the foul truth of those words, for why would her words cut so deeply if they were true? But he simply could not.

 _Unworthy._ That was unquestionably true and absolutely immutable. He did not deserve her love- or his. What she _thinks_ – what _they_ think is love _._ Severus knew the truth, though, that even back when he was himself capable of loving another, he had never earned the love of another, had never deserved to be loved. His apathetic mother and violent father, his friend and the love of his youth, Lily. Even Lucius. He'd never been anything but a disappointment to them, a heartache. Even Lucius, who had been like a brother he'd managed to disappoint quite efficiently. It hadn't been long after the older wizard's sponsorship to the ranks of the Death Eaters that the Dark Lord had found him lacking and gave him over to Lucius as a sub. He'd only deepened his betrayal after Severus had finally proven himself; he'd been rewarded with the gift of _Lucius_ as a sub in the man's own dungeon and had proceeded to abuse the man more violently and much more frequently to slake his depraved hunger. Even after the Dark Lord's fall. Through the second war and even now.

 _Let's not forget that I double-crossed the Dark Lord, and murdered Albus, too._

"Sir?" the little elf interrupted his dark musing. "Master Sir is going to be just fine, Sir. Lout is very happy Master Sir allowed Lout to help. The Master Sir's feet were cut very bad, but not yet so bad as Lout would need to take Master Sir to St. Mungo's. Lout knows how much you don't like it there, Master, Sir," the elf finished with a prideful note as he bowed and left, presumably to attend to the shattered stairway. Severus idly wondered if Lucius had been patched up as quickly. He sucked in a breath as he imagined the tall, muscular blond's soft, vulnerable flesh only covered by a few red-tinged bandages. He would be kneeling in front of the door, knees open wide giving witness to the power the dark wizard held over his elder. As he imagined where the bandages might be, and how much blood he might see he briefly considered if today would be the day there was no evidence of Lucius' desire. His cock twitched as the violent and brutal images flashed through his mind and he was suddenly swallowing back bile. _I am a monster_. He stood and strode towards the dungeon.

With every step, his heart beat more fiercely with bitterness and rage and contempt. He pushed aside any memories of warm tenderness, all the acceptance and loyalty he'd experienced, the love he'd felt; none of that was _him_. He opened the door to his dungeon play room with grim determination and had to swallow hard to keep from vomiting on the spot. Lucius' heavily bandaged and shaking body bore testament to terror and pain, but the man's rigid erection betrayed his need for exactly this. For the viciousness, the ruthless cruelty, for the monstrously brutal _thing_ that was Severus Snape.

He must have spoken, though he did not remember what he might have commanded his plaything to do, but Lucius indeed began to move. Rather automatically he found himself removing his shirt, idly noticing its ruined state before tossing it aside. Lucius was efficiently buckling the heavy leather shackles that hung from an upright post towards the center of the room to his wrists. The man was shivering and Severus could not decide if it was shock and fatigue or in abject terror of Severus' blackness. It did not matter.

As Lucius tended to his own bindings, Severus found himself running gentle fingers over an array of brutal instruments. _So that I can prove my monstrosity?_ He paused over his well-used snake whip before grabbing the bull whip he'd never used in play before, though he'd wielded it for the Dark Lord on occasion. The extra leverage and accuracy that the rigid handle of the bull whip provided made bloodshed virtually unavoidable, and he'd always opted for a plethora of far safer ways of bleeding Lucius, should his rage demand it.

Right now, though, he needed utter destruction. He dropped the coils of the whip as he sauntered towards Lucius, letting the length play out, testing the heft of the thing, experiencing the movement after so long hung up. Severus flicked his wrist and ran the length of the whip out in front of him, just to the side of Lucius right hip. _Good,_ he thought wryly at the harsh flinch and the deep catch in the other man's breath. He cast a roll down the length of the whip just to watch the material bend exactly to his whim. The flicker of the popper caused another flinch in his nervous sub, this one containing less anxiety now that the sub knew what Severus had chosen for his flogging. Or thought he knew.

Severus gave the whip a trial throw and the _CRACK!_ that resulted produced a truly satisfying tremble of fear in the sub. Severus felt the monstrous part of himself split a wicked grin and land another loud _CRACK!_ next to Lucius' left ear. The sub scrambled away in fright so fast that his knees slipped on the worn stone floor and he landed painfully against the shackles. Quicker than thought, Severus landed the first blow straight between the terrified sub's shoulder blades. The popper wrapped around a fair bit of grotesquely perfect long, platinum hair, wrenching it out of the man's skull.

"Were you instructed to move, you prissy motherfucking faggot? And do I really have to tell you to get that goddamn stupid hair out of my way? I will rip it out of your head if you do not get it out of my way right the fuck now!" Severus roared as Lucius scrambled back into position and desperately attempted to gather his lustrous locks over one shoulder. "And by Merlin, I _will_ hang your worthless ass from the ceiling if you can't keep your hands off that fucking post," he growled, sighting the older man bracing himself against the flogging post. He threw the whip again, _CRACK!_ landing the popper on the fingers of his sub's right hand, laying open two fingers beautifully. Red trickled down from the fingers, but not from the sub's back; the hair had weakened the blow so that there was a nasty welt but no broken skin.

He coiled the whip with the speed of practiced movement and examined the popper, removing impossibly long blonde strands before rolling it out again. Severus picked up the thong again, rolling the long cord up and around his head, and down and around his shoulder before he finally grazed it across Lucius' back from hip to shoulder. Another three harsh cracks and brutal cries of pain echoed around the large stone room before that first long lash finally began well up with blood and drip, drip, drip down his sub's back in little rivulets. He tried to push away memories of red dripping down from the delicately thin, shallow cuts along Ginny's ribs, tried to excise more of his rage on his sub's back, tried to be the monster he knew that he was. Severus ground his teeth in frustrated fury and whipped the man in front of him over ( _CRACK!)_ and over and over ( _CRACK CRACK!)_ again, until blood was running down the man's buttocks and thighs alarmingly and tortured screams turned into the pained moans and whimpers of the barely conscious.

Tears blurred Severus' vision and as he wiped his eyes clear he came to himself, seeing for the first time the devastation he'd wrecked on his brother's once pale, perfect skin. He looked down at the hand still gripping the bull whip and threw it away from himself as if it were suddenly a writing viper about to strike. "Lout!"

 _CRACK!_

The elf appeared in front of him and he stumbled away from the intimately familiar sound, falling to his knees, vomiting on the stone floor. Severus collapsed in on himself and wept, the acrid smell thick in his nostrils as he rested his head in his own sick, unable to do more than feel decades of repressed shame and guilt. He was more and more sickened as he remembered things he'd done, women he'd tortured, men he'd brutalized, and not just at the Dark Lord's bidding. He was revolted by _himself_ ; he was absolutely a monster, and he deserved to have his sick in his hair, to breath it in and cry on the floor like an animal. Like a monster.

"Shhhhhh, Severus, it's all right, I'm here. I'm here for you, sweetie, come here." He couldn't understand what was going on, but he'd heard his name whispered delicately in his ear, but of course it was just his imagination. He was breaking, he knew. He'd been completely without Occlumency for hours now; after so many years of tight control, his mind had no recourse but to shatter. A wry smile broke through his sobs; it made a strange sense that his sweet apparition could even cause physical sensations, and as he felt himself being held and rocked soothingly, and heard sweet shushing and cooing in his ear he realized that he didn't care about sanity. His smile broke into a mad grin and he was at his body's mercy, held painfully between maniacal laughter and destroyed weeping. Tears streamed down his cheeks, snot poured out of his nostrils and puddled against his cheek. Yes, if his mind was capable of creating these sensations, of being held, of being reassured and _loved_ like this, like bliss had found him, yes, he would be happy to live out the remainder of his days a drooling, sobbing empty shell. He didn't care that he could still smell his own vomit, still _feel_ it cold and slick on his forehead, in his hair. He didn't care that his bare chest was taking a chill from the damp of his sweat, didn't care that his knees hurt from collapsing on the stone floor, he felt like he did in childhood dreams, the ones with the sweet-faced young mother he should have had. The way he had felt when his imagination supplied the feel of her fingers caressing his cheek, of the unbearable relief he'd felt in dreams where she'd woken him from a nightmarish brute with a quick temper and a thick belt, just in that moment before he remembered that _she_ was the dream and the belt was real.

His apparition kept lying to him, saying "You're no monster, Sev, you're my love, you're not a monster," and he wanted to believe it, wanted to believe so very desperately. He concentrated on a sweet-faced young mother and reassuring caresses and, "you're not a monster," but his concentration faltered when awareness flitted through his remaining sanity that he was saying it out loud, that he would say, "I'm a monster," and then his beautiful young mother would say, "I love you." He didn't care, he would go on saying it if that voice would just keep saying it back. And then little pieces fell together, and the acrid smell was too real, and he could _hear_ his mother saying these things, he wasn't imagining it. And his knees hurt, and he tasted snot and bile and he was cold, he was shivering violently, but there was warmth on his back, there was an arm-

Severus' gut clenched violently again and he retched repeatedly, coughing and sputtering into the cold pool of vomit, tears and snot, spitting bile out only to heave up more from nowhere. His breath grew more and more ragged as he took in great gasps in between sobs and violent retching, inhaling snot and bile only to cough more violently as his mind reeled, finally accepting that she was _real_ and it was not the pretty young mother he should have had. It was Ginny, she was holding him and rocking him, shushing him, murmuring in his ear, rubbing his back. Loving him. And then the pretty young witch he never should have had was pulling his head out of the cold, slimy puddle, holding him against her soft, warm body, actually holding him in her lap and running her fingers through his hair.

"You're mine, Severus," she whispered in his ear so delicately. "You're mine and I love you," she murmured. "You're mine, you're not a monster, Severus, shhhhhhhhh." And then his mind broke in a different way; it stopped fighting her words, her acceptance and forgiveness and love, it finally just accepted that this was real.


End file.
